Our Crazy, Wonderful life!

Adoptive Couples Retreat 2012!!!

2012-01-25T19:04:00.000-08:00

Sooo stinkin' excited to announce that the dates for the adoptive couples retreat have been set!! April 20th & 21st! Same location as last year. The Hampton Inn and Suites in Orem UT. We have some great things in the works so stay tuned here, or to the Retreats blog here. To read about last years retreat, go here. Seriously it was a blast!! So mark it on your calenders ladies and gents!

Contest time!

2012-01-05T21:58:00.001-08:00

I know, I know, I have a lot of blogging to do. And I will, I promise. For now though I wanted to tell you about my new website and contest I am hosting. I have a new website for my photography business. You can check it out on Crowning Touch Photography. Now, for the fun part (although for me, having my own website is pretty darn fun!). I am hosting a contest where one lucky winner will win a free regular photo session. (That means any session but a wedding -that contest will be running next week). Who can enter? How do you win? Check out the details here on my sites blog. And I promise, new posts will be coming soon!

A Fabulous Phone Call!!

2011-12-17T11:33:00.001-08:00

Do you remember back in November this guest post from my friend Tammy about coping with a failed placement? I have been sitting on some news for about a month now. And I finally get to spill the beans! For those of you on my facebook, this is the fabulous call I got the other day!

About a month ago (right around Thanksgiving) I got a call from Tammy asking if I could look over a paper copy of their profile. Their lawyer had called them with a possible situtation and she asked if they were interested. After discussing and praying the decided they were. The lawyer asked if they could send a paper profile that she could present to the perspective birthmom. Tammy had been up all night working on it and needed some fresh eyes. After a little tweaking she printed it off and sent it to the lawyer. The wait began. After what seemed like forever, (even for me so you can imagine how bad it was for them not knowing) they finally heard back. On Wednesday evening I got a call from Tammy. I bawled my eyes out needless to say. The perspective birthmom had chosen them to be the parents of her unborn child!!!! The gender of the baby is unknown but is due in February. The lawyer asked her what made her choose Tammy and Mike and she said simply, "She reminds me of myself". They have to find a new lawyer now but frankly they are happy to because as long as all goes well, they will finally be a mommy and a daddy! O.k. tears again, just thinking about it! YAY!!!!!

A room with a door....

2011-12-09T00:16:00.000-08:00

Recently in my Communications 1010 class we had to give an oral presentation. The professor allowed us to speak on a topic that we love, are passionate about and are maybe an expert on. Now while I'm not saying I'm an expert on my chosen topic, I did feel confident enough in my knowledge of it to speak. What's that you ask? What was my chosen topic? Why thanks for asking! I chose to speak on something I am extremely passionate about. That is open adoption. I shared a few statistics about adoption and got an audible gasp when I told my audience that less than 1% of unwed expectant mothers choose adoption. They couldn't beleive the number was so low. But that wasn't the point of my presentation. The point was to talk about the benefits of open adoption for those amazing parents who choose adoption. But I had to explain what open adoption was befor discussing the benefits. So that brings me to the purpose of this post.

I used an analogy to describe adoption. I likened adoption to a room with a door. The adoptive family and the child who has been placed are on the inside of the room. The birthfamilies are on the outside. In a closed adoption, the door to the room is closed. You as a birthmom can't see in, and likewise the adoptive family can't see out. There is no contact. The door is completely closed. In a semi-open adoption the door to the room is partially open. As a birthparent you are able to see part of what is going on in the room. You receive letters and pictures, quite often through a third party, but even though you can see part of the room, you don't see all of the room. In an open adoption, the door to the room is all the way open. As a birthparent you can stand in the doorway and see the entire room. You get letters, pictures, emails, phone calls, visits. Often times you are even invited into the room to share in the activities going on inside.

So what do you think? Fair analogy? Did I hit the mark or miss it completely? In a future post I will share what I found to be the benefits for an open adoption. For now, I'm going to bed. I have 2 reviews for finals in the morning. Finals are next week and than 3 weeks till next semester. Looking forward to the break!

2011 Adoption Walk With Me

2011-11-29T00:55:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I was excited to be able to participate in the Adoption Walk With Me at Liberty Park here in Salt Lake City. I got to meet some new friends, say hi and chat with old friends, finally meet some that I have chatted with online for years it seems like, and just had an all around great time. In addition I was honored to be asked by the r house to photograph this fabulous event. Here are some of my favs from the day. Thank you to everyone who came out and braved the cold dreary weather to show support and adoption loves! It was cold, and dreary, but it was so much fun! Can't wait for next year!

Journey as a birthmom Part 2 ***Guest Blogger

2011-11-25T23:02:00.000-08:00

I know I said I would post part 2 of Shantel's journey the other day. Sorry, the holidays are crazy. But here it is!

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Two days before I received the message from Sophie, I read an email from my cousin, Merrady. She was good friends with a couple in New York that were hoping to adopt. They had already had two birth mothers change their minds. As painful as that was, they were still positive in their pursuit of finding a child to share their hearts and adventures with. I briefly looked at their profile and sent Merrady an email telling her I was already working with another family. When things fell through with Sophie, I took the rest of the day to relax and figure out how I felt. The next morning, I sent Merrady an email with an update, and looked more at David and Jessica's family profile. They seemed so warm and loving, and I began to get excited to get to know them a little better. I emailed them, and shortly after Jessica and I spoke on the phone. Immediately, I loved her. She was so kind and funny. The sadness I felt from Sophie dissipated, and I knew that I had found the right family to move forward with.David and Jessica were very understanding of my situation with Cory, and they were happy to be there for me as I made plans to leave the relationship. We were all very lucky that Cory willingly signed his relinquishment papers before I left. There were very ugly things that happened between us as I prepared to leave. Even now as I think of him, I choose not to be angry with him. There will always be a special connection between us, and I am grateful for the experiences I had in our relationship. Cory has many great qualities, and I wish him all the best. David and Jessica are always thankful to him, as none of this would have happened without him. He is always in all of our hearts, and I hope that someday he can move past the pain that this has caused him, and have a good relationship with David and Jessica, and his son.Yes, that's right, I said son! Shortly after I began speaking to David and Jessica, we all found out we would be having a boy. I felt early on that I was having a boy. David and Jessica were so excited, and quickly shared the news with their friends and family. My family was also very happy with this news too. There were many emotions throughout my pregnancy that made it difficult to know that adoption was the right choice. Somewhere deep down, I felt that this boy belonged with David and Jessica. I knew that he was brought to me for a reason, that this would be an amazing lesson for me. Never in my life will I again be able to do something this loving, and the knowledge of that is very comforting. When I left Cory, I moved about 3 hours away. I missed my sister, and Mariann as they were physically closest to me. I was sad and lonely at times, but loved being able to be with Brynn. We were together every day again, and that was worth any pain or struggle I had to go through. Shortly after moving, David and Jessica came from New York to visit me in Utah. It was the craziest 2 days ever. We spent time eating yummy meals together, did some shopping where they generously bought me clothes to get me thorough my pregnancy days feeling beautiful, and enjoyed being able to squeeze on each other and actually see each others big smiles. They were able to attend my 20 week appointment with our new doctor, and were there for me through the amniocentesis and genetic counseling session that took us all by surprise. In those 2 days, we were all able to see our sweet boy in ultrasounds several times, hear his heartbeat, and share the love that this amazing life had connected us all with. They went home, which was hard for us all. We knew it would be awhile before we would see each other again, but we stayed in constant contact over the next several months. We shared pictures in emails, and stayed in touch with daily text messages and many phone conversations. Jessica became my best friend. She has been there for me since the first time we spoke. If ever things are hard for me to handle, or if I have good news to share, I know who to call. Not only did I have their support, but also all of their family and friends were cheering us on. Go Team Desi!!!After having a difficult pregnancy with Brynn, I felt so blessed to have a beautiful pregnancy with Desi. There were hard times in the beginning with morning sickness, and the last trimester I had issues with carpal tunnel. But I enjoyed every minute of it. I knew that was the only time I would have with this sweet boy all to myself, and I cherished it. It all seemed to go so quickly.

Once I was settled into my new home, I began attending therapy. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to do that, to have the support of an outside party to help me process the emotions and challenges of placement, as well as past issues and strengthening my parenting skills. When it was time for Desi to make his grand entrance, David and Jessica were able to attend a session with my therapist and she also came and did a session with me in the hospital. I thank her for her support and guidance, she is a very neat lady. She has such great advice for me, and also for David and Jessica in transitioning as new parents and how to have a successful relationship with me in our open adoption.Telling Brynn about the pregnancy was a delicate issue, one which I spent much time pondering what was right for her, and what would help her understand. Knowing that she had no concept of time, I waited for quite awhile to tell her. I didn't want her to spend time worrying about me and what would happen. In October, I snuggle up with her. I told her how I met David and Jessica from my cousin, and that they couldn't have their own babies. They asked mommy to do them a big favor and have a baby for them. I explained how special this was, and how they were wonderful people who really deserved something nice to happen to them. And that mommy was very brave and kind to help them become a family. At first she was sad, since she longed for a sibling. As time passed she became more comfortable for her. My main goal in telling her was to always keep openness and honesty a big part of our relationship. When she is older, we will be able to talk more about Desi. About how he is her half brother. For now she understands him as her spirit brother. We take it one day at at time with her. She loves to see pictures of him and hear cute stories of how he is doing, but sometimes it is too much for her. I can relate, as it has been the same for me at times.December came around so quickly. The pregnancy continued with only a minor speed bump at about 33 weeks. I rested as much as possible and took the best care of my growing body and sweet baby boy. Granted this pregnancy is how I developed my love affair with chocolate and lemonade, but hey, there are worse things I could be putting in my body. Before any of us knew it, David and Jessica along with her parents, Steve and Roz, hopped on an airplane headed for Utah. Merrady was headed here from California to visit for Christmas, deciding to come a few days early to meet our little guy. Since Desi was developing well, we had scheduled an induction for 7am on December 21st. David and Jessica came to spend some time with me and the big belly, spoiling me again and enjoying all the excitement in the air. We met up with Steve, Roz and Merrady for a lovely dinner. It was such a fun night, I really enjoyed spending time with Merrady, who I hadn't seen for too long, and meeting Jessica's parents. They are the sweetest people ever, and I am so blessed to be a part of their family. We all went home, looking forward to seeing each other bright and early for our induction.When we established the date to induce, it was my decision, backed up by David and Jessica's support and the all clear from our doctor. I had feelings like maybe I was forcing his birthday to be that day, and that maybe he was supposed to come when HE wanted to, not when I felt it was best. At 4am, 3 hours before our planned trip to the hospital, my water broke. I took this as a sign that he was in agreement with being born on that day. He was just as glad to meet us as we were to meet him. I woke David and Jessica up, and they drove through a crazy snowstorm to come take me to the hospital. My sister, and dad came up to be with me. Steve and Roz also joined us and waited patiently for things to progress. After 12 hours of labor, Desmond Rhys graced us with his presence. That 7lb 3 oz, 20 1/4 inch boy was placed right on my chest, and I fell so in love. David was able to cut the cord, while Jessica gave me and our sweet boy a big squeeze. No one could stop smiling. I was able to feed him his first bottle, and David and Jessica watched him have his first bath. There were complications with passing the after birth, and I am lucky to have a great doctor and awesome team of nurses taking great care of me. Desi was very healthy, and was so content. We were all able to share in caring for him over the next 48 hours in the hospital. I love thinking about that time I was able to share with him, and loved seeing David and Jessica bond with their son. My mom was able to come visit me the day after he was born, and take pictures and spend time with everyone. My best friend Tyler also came to see me that night, he was my biggest supporter through my pregnancy, and soon he will be my husband. {And that is a whole other story...}

The biggest relief came the day after Desi was born. Instead of having to go to court and sign my relinquishment papers in front of a judge, I was able to have our Utah lawyer and a social worker come to the hospital. David, Jessica, and I gathered with the officials in my room. We were read the documents by the social worker, and I signed all my parental rights over to the people I trust the most with everything I have inside me. This beautiful, intimate ceremony is a memory I will always treasure. No one outside of this adoption circle will ever know what a positive thing it was for all of us. I am so grateful to Merrady for connecting us, and for everyone who has and will continue to support the love that we all share. Such a beautiful, sweet boy came into our lives and has connected us all forever.

After placement, I spent some time at my sister's home. She took care of me when I developed serious infections from the after birth complications. She took me to the hospital for doses of IV antibiotics every 8 hours for 8 days. Not to mention she had a spirited 2 year old and was rather pregnant at the time. She was there for me when I cried and made me laugh in the way only a sister can. She is the definition of an angel. After I felt well enough to return home and back to my life with Brynn, Tyler drove the 6 hour round trip to pick me up. He has been there for me through my saddest and darkest times during my healing process. He has brightened my everyday just with his presence. I can't even tell you how much I love this man. Not only to I love him, but so does Brynn. And everyone else who is blessed to know him. Seriously, this man is amazing. I love open adoption! The relationship I share with Desi and his parents is fantastic. They are so open and honest with me. They will work with whatever I am comfortable with as far as contact goes. They understand when I need space to process my emotions, and are there for me to share in all of our happiness too. I couldn't have wished for a better outcome in all of this. Desi is blessed to be surrounded by love. I am thankful to his parents for making it so important that he will always know about me, my love for him, and the beautiful story of how his life began. Seeing pictures and hearing updates on his progress and life is so blissful. Soon, I hope to be able to travel to New York and visit the Eastern division of Team Desi. I miss that sweet boy, every minute of everyday.

( Shantel & her fiance' Tyler at the 2011 Adoption Walk With Me in Salt Lake City Utah November 12, 2011 Go Team Desi!! )

Journey as a birthmom Part 1 ***Guest Blogger

2011-11-23T07:20:00.001-08:00

Have you ever met someone and known pretty much immediately that they were going be someone special in your life, that you had just met a life long friend? Ya, that's the way it was when I met my next guest blogger. It was the first day of school and I was sitting in math class. I had to introduce myself and so I said that I am a wife and a mom. I have two girls, one who was brought to us through adoption. A few people later she introduced herself and yup, she would be a friend for life! She is so sweet and caring and loving and selfless. Her name is Shantel. She is a mom to Brynn, and a birthmom to Desi. We grew through the adoption connection, but we are finding we have more and more in common as well. Thank you Shantel for being so willing to share your journey. Shantel's journey will be a 2 part post. The first part today, and the concluding part tomorrow.

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Sometimes you wish for something so hard. You wish to be stronger. You wish things would work out they way you want them to, when you want them to, and why you want them to. It is beyond frustrating when all of your efforts toward your goals cause so much pain, and challenges you are not sure you can handle. In my life, many tough things have come my way by chance or choice. Looking at those events as lessons is something I strive to do.When I was 16 years old, I made several choices that will forever effect my life. I chose to become a mother to Brynn, and a wife to Tyson. Taking this path was incredibly difficult, yet has brought so much happiness and beauty to my life. Being a mother to this spunky, hilarious, adorable child is such a blessing. Tyson and I love Brynn, so much that when things were so difficult for us to cooperate as a couple, we knew that is was best not to continue our marriage. Sometimes I am sad that she had to grow up like I did, in two separate homes. My biggest hope is that she will always see how much we both care for her, and will one day understand what we did was out of love, and not anger. I am glad my parents were mature enough to know that they were better parents to us apart than they ever could have been as a couple. What I learned in struggling to accept their divorce has made me a much more understanding and forgiving person. I thank both of my parents, and Tyson, for the choices they were a part of, and for the strength I gather from those lessons. I forgive them, and I love them for what they have brought to my life.Being a single mother is an enormous challenge. What I have been through with Brynn, I wouldn't wish anyone to have to experience. The strength my daughter will gather from the things we have faced together is something that I try not to feel guilty towards, rather know that she will be a stronger person because of them. She is amazingly caring and can make me laugh harder than anyone I know. She is my best friend, and I hope she will always consider me hers. For 3 years, it was just Brynn and I. We had the support of my family, and she was able to spend time with her dad. But mostly it was just me and my girl. Our whole world shifted when I met Cory. He was so unique, and I was fascinated with him. He had a son, Xander, who was six months younger than Brynn. How exciting was this?! Maybe Brynn and I could have a family after all, we could have two handsome boys to share our life with. I spent more and more time with Cory, and Brynn spent more time with Tyson. I can't say that we grew apart, but there came a time that Brynn wanted to live with her dad. After some time and thought, we all agreed this would be a good option for everyone. It was hard to be her only parent, to have all of that responsibility. And it was hard for me to know that Tyson was missing out on things in her life, and deserved to have to opportunity to experience that.Soon after this, I moved in with Cory. I loved the things that I was experiencing with him. As our relationship grew, I overlooked things that he did that were painful to me, still holding onto that wish that we would be a family. I have no doubt that Cory did love me, but not in a way that I could function with. Everyone on the outside could see how unhealthy our relationship was. I could see it too, but after 4 years of knowing nothing but a life with him, it seemed impossible that there could be anything else out there. No one else would want to deal with what came along in a life with me. Staying was so hard, but finding a way to leave was much harder. To back track a little.... When Cory and I began dating, I found out that I had pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. Seriously, I am 20 years old, how can this be happening? The thought of developing cancer was haunting. I had several treatments and surgeries trying to fight off my aggressive illness. After hearing great news that after 2 years of treatment, the final surgery had worked, I was beyond ecstatic. The news following this was something I was unsure of how to deal with. Due to the severe scarring on my cervix, I would not be able to conceive a child. If I wanted to have more children, I would need to explore other options of conception and be aware that carrying the child would be less of a worry, but could also present problems. I saw another doctor, who also told me the same thing. Having Brynn was something I was so happy about, but wasn't I supposed to have more children? Didn't I want to have more babies? After many discussions with Cory, I was at peace with the diagnosis. Even happy. My pregnancy with Brynn was.... horrible. As grateful as I was to feel cancer was no longer a worry, I was even more grateful that trips to the doctor were over. I didn't want to spend another moment with my legs shaking in stirrups, trying to calm myself and not be afraid of the pain. So life went on, knowing I was going to have Brynn, and hoping that I could allow myself to get the place where I was supposed to be.Again my little world shifted when I woke up and knew, some how just KNEW, that I was pregnant. I couldn't shake the thought. I tried to rationalize this crazy notion with memories of speaking with my doctors, of knowing I couldn't even get pregnant. Not only could this not be a possibility, but I didn't want it to be. Wasn't I trying to find my way out of this negative relationship I had let consume my life? I wished to have my self back again, I wanted to have the simple times of Brynn and I again. You know you are in trouble when you miss your own smile, and long to hear your own laughter. Three positive pregnancy tests later, my crazy thoughts were confirmed. Immediately, I was flooded with a mix of emotions. I was scared, for the health of this child and my own. I was worried how Cory was going to react, and what this meant for my plans of freedom. But the strongest emotion was happiness. I was pregnant. And that knowledge was such a blessing. Taking some time to decide what to do with this blessing, this lesson, was what I needed to do.As it turns out, I would make my decision a lot sooner than I thought. The first person I told of my pregnancy was my friend Em. She was so excited for me. As happy as I was, I knew that I would be foolish to bring a child into such a negative environment. I knew I needed out, and so my options were to parent this child alone, or to find a family to place him with that would care for him in ways I was unable to at the time. As nervous as I was about what his reaction would be, I told Cory right away. I told him that I knew it was the last thing he probably wanted to hear, but that we were going to have a child. I told him I understood completely if he did not want to be in our lives. He had an extremely difficult relationship with Xander's mother, and it was hard for him to be close with his son due to that. The last thing I wanted was for either of us to have any more negative feelings towards each other. So I gave him the freedom to be involved as little or as much as possible. Feeling that I was leaning more towards parenting, we discussed the situation very openly. He reminded me of all the challenges Brynn and I had dealt with, and asked me if I was willing to do that to another child. We both already knew that was not something this child deserved. We decided at that point that we would begin the search to find a family to pursue and adoption plan with. I will forever be grateful to Cory for being supportive of this choice, and for allowing our baby to make his way to where he belonged.Shortly after deciding on placement, I told several people who were close to me. I told my sister and brother, my dad, and my dear friend Mariann. They were all so amazing to me. My sister has helped me to be strong, my brother can always make me smile, and my dad is wonderful at listening and helping me think of ways to look at things with a new perspective. Mariann became my rock. She supported my creative endeavors, and was always there to lean on for strength through my waves of emotions. After struggling with carrying her biological children, she and her husband were able to adopt their daughter, Whitney. Two years later, she was able to carry Jeremy to term. She had a closed adoption with Whitney's birth parents, and this really helped me to see the beautiful relationship that can exist between adoptive parents and birth parents. I knew that I wanted an open adoption, not only so that I would always know that my child was safe and loved, but also so that I could be able to recover from this overwhelmingly emotional experience. Both of Mariann's children were away at school, so I did not have the opportunity to meet Whitney until after placing the baby. I did however have the pleasure of meeting Whitney's best friend, Daniel, who was also adopted. Mariann told him I was expecting, and was placing my child with an adoptive family. Immediately he had a huge smile on his face and told me "Awesome! It takes a really great mom to be able to do that for her child." This is honestly one of the best experiences I had during this process. Most people that you tell look at you and say "Ohhh, that is so sad..." This was never meant to be sad or negative in anyway. Of course, there are times I cry, and that will probably never change. I will always cherish that sweet comment from Daniel, and remember that things will be okay, and that I am doing something great.Note that one of the first people that I told the news of my pregnancy and adoption plan was not my mother. She and I have always had an interesting relationship. She was a huge influence on the choices I made as a young adult. And during this time, our relationship was strained due to her feelings towards Cory. Knowing how I react and handle her opinions, I decided to not inform her of any of my circumstances. I wanted to know that I had made choices that were best for me and the baby, not what she thought was best for anyone. I love my mother, and I am very grateful for the lessons I have learned in life through our relationship, even if they were very difficult. When I felt the time was right, I told her what my plans were and was grateful that she could be understanding and supportive, even if it was difficult for her.With support around me and a knowledge of what is right in my heart, I began to look for a family for this sweet baby. Cory has a friend, Teena, that he rides mountain bikes with. Her daughter, Sophie, and her husband had been hoping to adopt for the past 5 years. When Teena heard our story, she put Sophie and I in contact with each other. While still viewing other family profiles, I began working with Sophie. Cory and I felt like they would be a great family to place with. They have a son close to Brynn's age. They had many attributes that I was looking for in a family. Sophie was a nice person, but something didn't seem quite right with her. After about a month of working with her, she called and left me a voice mail, telling me that they had changed their minds and did not want to adopt our baby. I was sad, and felt like this was very cold of her to do. Cory probably took it harder than I did. These were people he knew. We finally felt like we had some stability, and then everything fell out from under us again. To this day I have not heard another word from Sophie. I have no hard feelings towards her, and I only wish the best for her family. As sad as I was at the time, I know this happened for a reason. I couldn't be happier that her honesty opened up a beautiful opportunity for the people who remain involved in our adoption story.

The Forgotten Family ***Guest Blogger

2011-11-15T14:11:00.001-08:00

Today's guest poster is a very dear friend of mine. We have known eachother for going on 20 years now. When she contacted me and asked if she could guest post I jumped at the chance to have her do just that. You see, she is not the "typical" part of the adoption triad. When you hear about the triad, you hear about the birthparents, adoptive parents and of course the adoptee. What you don't hear about are, as my dear friend puts it, "the forgotten family". The extended part of the birthfamilies. The ones who stand by and watch their loved one go through heartache and have an aching heart themselves. So grab your tissues, if you're like me, you'll need them. Thank you my sweet friend for opening your heart and soul with this post.

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I have read the posts for the past couple of years that Sharon has up when she does her adoption month stuff. I’m not related to adoption in the traditional sense so I’ve never really felt like sharing my/our story. But as the years have gone on, every year I think, I should share our heartache. So finally this year I am.

Because this story is not fully mine I am asking Sharon to not use my name, and will change other names so as not to cause pain to anyone who knows me and this story is partially theirs. See, the thing I have learned about adoption is it is never just one person’s story. Adoption has come a long way, and many people now give more credit and love to birth mom’s. That wasn’t always the case. But there are the “forgotten family” in adoption too. These are the people that aren’t allowed to feel, hurt, miss, long, share, etc in the process. I am part of that group. But there are others who are even more. My mom is the one I am really writing for. But let me back up and tell the story that isn’t mine to share, yet is so much mine it has defined me...I think you will understand more when I’m done.

When M got pregnant and struggled with what to do, certain things were expected of those around her. She had been engaged to the dad for a couple years. He wasn’t making progress towards the date part of the wedding though. So when she got pregnant she figured that was the next obvious step. They were practically living together anyway. But he had other things in mind. His answer and the advice very vocally given from his family was to abort the pregnancy. I can’t remember how many times M was told, “No one would want your baby anyway”. This all proved one thing to M; not to abort but not to marry. So the question M struggled with was do it on her own, or give her baby up for adoption. M turned to her family for advice. But no matter what her family said they seemed to be judging and wrong. It got to where M’s family did not feel like they were allowed to have an opinion. M’s family understood that this was her choice, this was something she would need to live with for the rest of her life. They really didn’t want to make that decision for M, they just wanted to support and help her through the process. It was not easy for M, no one will deny that, in fact everyone was very sensitive to that. But NO ONE thought about how difficult it was for M’s family. If you tell M that you would support her though the adoption if that was what she choose, then you were pushing her to give up her baby because you felt you were better than her with the choices you made. If you told her you would do what you could to help her raise the baby if that’s what she choose than you were agreeing with his family that the only place the baby would be loved was by those who gave him life since they “had to love the child”. I knew through all this that she was struggling, but it was heartbreaking to watch my mom no longer be allowed her opinion. My mom has always felt that giving a baby up for adoption was the correct thing in a situation. But if she said anything about the possibility of adoption she was pushing her belief on M.

After much time, M decided that the right thing in her life was to give the baby up for adoption. This brought on months more of pain and heartache to our family. M was met by more struggles in this process than I’d ever heard anyone. She tried to go through reputable agencies but was met with obstacle after obstacle. We learned that no agency, no matter who it is run by is immune from bad employees. This was particularly hard when she was met by so many obstacles from the agency run by our church. Our church feels very strongly in adoption, so why would they make it so difficult for her to place her baby with them. She finally found a family she was happy with. She spend the last 3 months of her pregnancy communicating with them through the agency. M had one seemingly strange, but very important request to any family who adopted her child. They couldn’t have a pet cat. It’s a long story, but M is severely allergic and the dad’s family spent years trying to convince her she was crazy and it was all in her head, just move in with his parents and their 10 cats, you’ll grow out of the allergy. So this became a huge issue. What if M’s baby was allergic, what would the family do given the choice of pet cat or new kid. I know, to all of us out there whose lives are touched by adoption on the receiving end you think, that’s just crazy who wouldn’t choose the baby over the pet. The family she choose had a pet cat, but they said it was an outdoor cat and they weren’t really attached and they would give it away not a big deal. They had three dogs also so it wasn’t like the other kids would be loosing their only pet.

But then the unthinkable happened. One week before her due date, the family contacted her and told her they decided they just couldn’t give up the cat for the baby. It was too much to ask of them. She shock M and those around her felt was overwhelming. She then was posed with all those same questions she had struggled to come to answers with all over again. Did I make the right decision to place, how do I know that I’m making the best choice for my baby, would no one really be able to love my baby like I can, can another family really think of my child as theirs not just a gift/pet they are to take care of. It had taken M months to find this family that she felt good about how was she supposed to do this with only a week until the baby was set to arrive. That’s when I really got drawn into the mix. As you probably have guessed, I’m M’s sister. But I moved away from the family years before all this so I wasn’t really “in” the situation like everyone else was who lived there with her. M called me and asked me if I could help her. She didn’t know how to even start this over again and couldn’t bear the thought of fighting with adoption agencies again to get info on families with so little time while she was working full time. So the matter was turned over to me to help her find a family for her baby.

Talk about the weight of the world being put on your shoulders. I prayed about what to do. The answer was strong and clear. Tell everyone you know about her and ask them to tell everyone they know about her, DON’T waste your time with agencies. It was not the answer I expected, yet it was the most clear answer I had ever gotten. So I emailed everyone I knew, I called everyone I knew, I asked them all to email and call everyone they knew. The info we gave out was simple. My sister M was looking for a family to adopt her baby. Anyone who is ready to have a baby in their home in a week to please get me a copy of their profile info or to know how to find their profile info online. I was just litterally in the information gathering person who then would spend hours going through each family with her. I never had anything to do with the choice of who ended up with her baby. I was on the phone from 6 am until 10pm with out breaks almost for days straight. Emails were coming in like crazy. I don’t remember how many families we got info for. It was easily in the high hundreds if not the thousands. Most were from people who knew someone who was looking. Only 1/3 or less was I actually contacted by those who wanted to adopt. It was the greatest answer to her prayer. She went from no one wants my baby to this. It restored her faith in the human race.

In the end the family who ended up with the baby was not actually one that anyone told us about, yet she would not have found them had it not been for my pleas. See a I was told first names of a couple and the number of kids and the agency to see the profile online. I’m not sure where the mistake was made but the number of children was changed. She couldn’t find that family. But she found another one that just seemed right. She talked to them and it felt right. She asked them, “What are your feeling on pets” She didn’t want to guide the answer. But their answer was, “We have a dog, and like animals but since “Dad” is allergic to cats the kids have to be content with that.” That sealed the deal. Someone could understand her child and put a possible allergy above other needs. Less than 6 hours after that decision was made she went into labor. It took some phone calls to high officials including the president of the church to get their profile released from the agency to do an adoption through a lawyer. Contrary to what they had been told, it actually cost the family less than had they gone through the agency. The family hopped in a motorhome and drove to the state where M lived to meet their new baby. They did not arrive until the day after. I hopped in a car and drove up to be there with her through it. I took some very special pictures of my nephew and his “first family” . These pictures are the most precious things to my siblings and my mom.

See here is what I told that whole story to tell you about. My mom and I never got to see another picture of him. We never have gotten to read letters about how he is doing. This was M’s baby and her loss, and so everything has been done according to her needs and desires. She receives pictures but it’s too painful for her to share them with us. I understand that, and honestly I don’t begrudge her that. However my mom lost her grandson, and I lost my nephew that day. Knowing he is where he is supposed to be does bring us much peace. But I still miss him. I know my mom misses him like crazy. But we aren’t allowed to miss him, we aren’t allowed to have comfort in seeing and hearing how well he is doing in his new family, every is quick to offer support to my sister, being extra sensitive when they talked about babies, pregnancies etc. But no one thought about my mom and how many nights she has spent crying over the loss of her grandson. No one thinks about how hard it is on her. My mom knew this was the right decision. She has supported the decision and has no regrets on the decision. That’s not it at all. But she still misses him and longs for him at times. It’s been 8 1/2 years since he was born. It’s not something that is consuming to us. It’s just periodically my mom will call me to talk about her grandson she knows nothing about. My mom did the right thing in letting my sister make her own decision. She did the right thing in not fighting against it for her own desires to see him overrule what was best for him. Yet, in the end she is left with just an empty spot in her heart for her grandson she can never know and that can never know her love for him.

So my desire to share this story that isn’t really mine I guess is to point out that no matter where you are in the adoption “family”, my belief is that it is still your story. My nephew being placed for adoption has changed and defined who I am today. I am a stronger better person for having supported my family through the process, and worked not to judge even when I don’t understand all the decisions that are made. But, no matter where you are, take a minute to remember the forgotten members of the adoption family..the grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, sister and brother of the birth mom. They all sacrificed their heart for the process too.

Thanks,
Loving Aunt, sister and daughter in a birth family

Struggling as a Birthmom ****Guest Blogger

2011-11-13T16:15:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the time between posts. Finals are in less than a month so it's crunch time. Yesterday was the Adoption Walk With Me and despite the cold weather we had a great turn out. I was asked to be a photographer for the event so I will have fun pictures to share soon. If you want to see them all you'll have to join The Adoption Walk With Me Facebook Page.

Anyhow, for today's guest poster, you may remember my cousin J who guest blogged for me a couple of years ago. J is a birthmom and placed her son Kermit (his online nickname) 7 years ago. J volunteered to guest post this time about what life is like now for her. She has been struggling somewhat with her semi-open adoption and would like the advice of my readers. So without further ado.......

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As I sit here pondering what to say 7 years after the birth of Kermit, I am listening to some songs that help me in times of stress. One of them that comes to mind is called "The Birth Parent Song". I received it from my LDSFS (LDS Family Services) Counselor on a night when we were out to dinner. I was 6 months pregnant with Kermit (nickname his adoptive mom uses on her blog to keep his name private), and my counselor decided to invite my family and his adoptive parents to eat. As we met in the party room and ate, we had a good time talking. I was getting to know this couple that had been through such a hard time, with the loss of their daughter, Angel Baby (another nickname used to protect her name), at only 10 days old. After losing her, they decided to adopt and I'm glad that they did. They have done such a good job of raising Kermit, and I know that they have given him more of a life than I could have.The song that is typed up is part of a CD that was given to both Kermit's adoptive mom and me, as a gift to help us through any hard times we might have. It was a way to keep us connected through the distance we have (we don't live in the same state). I hope you enjoy it as much as I do."Once I was expecting a baby, marriage was impossible; what was I to do? Everybody knew but me;All my friends told me to keep my child, but something deep inside my soul kept urging me to pray;I bowed my head and found these words to say:What can I do to help this baby of mine? So tiny and helpless, an angel divine;What were his feelings about coming to me?Did he know that some other loving father and mother were meant for him eternally?Why is this happening to me?I know I did some foolish things, it seems unbearable for me to let him go;Yet I'd do anything for him and pray that someday he will know; I gave him out of love, it was no easy thing; When he was born I held him close to my heart; I loved him and kissed him and tried to impart;That I knew the mom and dad God wanted for him; I've come to accept it, I'll never forget him; and I'll be a mother again, I pray;I know my Heavenly Father lives and that he loves me; I know that when I placed my baby, I followed his plan;So when my heart aches for the one, I will always cherish; I turn to Him for help, He listens to my prayers;And peace fills my soul, peace fills my soul; What can I do to help the one I adore? I pray for him daily, and it's come to me lately;His life with them will lead Him home;"You would think that things would get easier as time goes on. I have an open adoption that was offered to me as a choice when I first met his parents . They told me that they would be comfortable with whatever I decided, so I decided on open adoption. We decided on monthly letters, pictures, and then go from there once I was married and had kids of my own. I was married before Kermit turned 2, and had my first daughter before he turned 3. Up until I had kids of my own, I was receiving letters monthly along with pictures. Although I wasn't there to watch his first steps, his first words, etc, I saw enough pictures. Once I had kids, we decided to do pictures every 3 months, then somewhere along the lines, we pushed it back to every 6 months. Now I get a yearly letter with pictures, PLUS I get to see more pictures on his mother's blog that she keeps updated for my mom and me to see. I also have her and her husband on facebook, so I'm able to keep in communication with them. Time flies and Kermit is 7 as of Oct. 30th, and I now have 2 beautiful daughters. My oldest is 4 1/2 and my youngest is 2 1/2, and I love them with all of my heart. They're a handful at times, but I have a very loving and supportive husband that has been good through this whole experience. Every time Kermit's birthday comes around, he tries to be there for me and help me through it. It's especially hard for me because with the financial hardships in our marriage, we haven't been able to have another baby. As I sit here and watch all my friends have boys, I wonder if Heavenly Father will ever bless me with a boy. Will I ever have a chance to see what it would've been like if I would've kept Kermit? Of course I understand that I can't replace him, nor is it right to compare him. I just want to have a son to fill that joy that is missing in my heart, from placing him with his parents. I want to have a son that will love me for who I am, a son where I can watch him grow up. It's not the same, and I understand that, but shouldn't I be able to have a son of my own. I repented of my transgressions of having a baby out of wedlock, changed my life and was married in the temple, but will that day come? Let me ask you readers something. I would love the comments, especially if you are a birth mother yourself and have gone on to have kids with your husband. Is there ever a right time to have another baby of the same gender as the one that you placed for adoption? Will life be easy, or will you find yourself comparing, playing the "what if" game?The other reason why I am writing this experience down, is because I love my cousin Sharon. She is a very strong woman, who went through a teen pregnancy, raised a daughter by herself, went on to become married to a wonderful young man, and then wasn't able to have any more kids. After trying, they decided to adopt and were blessed with Emily, and I'm excited to be able to meet her after we move to UT. Anyways, Sharon started participating in National Adoption Blog Month about 2 years ago, and she asked for volunteers to write down their experience as a new birth parent, a birth mom who just placed, or a family member that was there as a support for either woman. I volunteered and sent my story to Sharon, then I e-mailed Kermit's mom and she also submitted her story. Now I'm volunteering once more, only I'm writing down my thoughts of struggle as I near the date of Kermit's baptism (in 1 more year) and the thought of possibly not being able to go. See, we have an open adoption, but to me, it seems like it's a semi-open adoption. I know their last name, have their address, have them as friends on facebook, and have a chance to see the blog that Kermit's mom started as a way for me and my mom to keep up with his daily life. However, I can't visit him nor can I call him. Up until now, I've been okay with it because I have a family of my own that keeps me busy, I've lived far away from him, and he's been too young for me to communicate with him. However, my husband will be graduating college in December and we have decided to move to UT. Kermit lives in ID and this troubles me, because now I puzzle with the thoughts of wanting to go see him, of wanting to call him. I, too (like Sharon), watch Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant. I very much see myself as Caitlyn and Tyler placed their daughter Carly up for adoption, and also have an open adoption. At the young age of 16, they made a grown up decision (I was 18 when I became pregnant and 19 when Kermit was born) and yet they have contact with Carly's parents. They can call her parents, they went to visit Carly when she turned 2 (?), and are planning another visit. They also get letters every 6 months with pictures. If they have the contact of an open adoption, then what is my adoption? Ok, here are some more questions for you readers. Is it too pushy of me to bring up the situation with Kermit's parents, and see if they're comfortable with visits? We'll finally be close enough where it will only be a 10 hr drive to see them, and I would love to finally be able to meet him. Also, if I already have their last name and address, why don't I have their phone number? Sometimes I sit there and cry because I can't call him on his birthday, or call him on Christmas. It's something as simple as that, and yet I don't have that privilege. Is there ever a right time to ask his parents? Is there a group of people in UT that can help me with this part of my life? I've been to LDSFS before and done a couple of counseling sessions with other birth moms 4 years ago, but would love to meet with some now that can help me. Will things ever get easier?I hope I haven't bored you all, but this is my experience.

Birthparents are my heroes! ***Guest Blogger

2011-11-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

Today's guest blogger is my friend Devin. She and her husband Jared are hoping to adopt. I met Devin last year when she and I both volunteered for the planning committee for the Adoptive Couples Retreat. She is one of those people that when you meet her, you feel as if you have known her for years. Even though it has only been a year, I feel like I have always been friends with her. Jared & Devin are just a quirky, fun, happy couple. They would give you the shirts off their backs if you needed them. When I asked for guest bloggers, Devin was one of the first to volunteer. I gave her freedom on what she wanted to write about, and her loving nature shines through with what she chose:

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Hey everyone! We're Jared and Devin. Little history about us... we
were married Dec. 2006. We went into our marriage knowing having
biological kids were out of the question for us (yes, yes we know we
are super blessed like that). With that in mind, Jan. 2009 we started
the adoption process and got approved through LDS family services
Sept. 2009. Now, if you really want to know more of our story, please
email us (jndpayne@gmail.com) or check out our blog
(http://jndpayne.blogpsot.com). In this post, I would like to focus on
something else.

Birth parents are one of my heroes! I know there are a lot of them out
there and comparatively I only know a handful, but every single one of
them are my hero. The selfless sacrifice they make for their child is
beyond comprehension in my opinion. In general, birth parents are the
nicest, most giving people EVER! too. It breaks my heart to hear of
the things people say to and about them. No one deserves to be treated
disrespectfully, but especially not birth parents. If it weren't for
their ultimate gift there were be countless couples, like us, that
would never have the chance to be parents.

I actually have all 3 of the adoption triad involved in my family. I
have an aunt who places a baby boy about 31 years ago, I have an uncle
who was adopted, and we are hoping to adopt. Jared has a brother or
two hoping to adopt as well. Not that this makes us any more educated
in adoption, but I do think it helps us get at least somewhat of a
good perspective on all three ends. I think the end that deserves the
most respect and honor is the birth family end! The things they go
through. Not to say the other two ends are all "peachy keen". There is
just something so ... angelic and heroic about birth families though,
in my opinion.

Thanks so much for reading! I hope I was able to at least somewhat
related how special birth families are. Like I said, please feel free
to contact us or follow our blog!

Adoption Rocks! ***Guest Blogger

2011-11-06T22:28:00.000-08:00

Today's guest blogger is Chantel. I met Chantel at our mutual friend Kim's house. Kim is one of the co-owners for the r house couture. They were doing a photo shoot for their latest adoption wear and my Emily and her little man were models. He is seriously the cutest! We met again at the Girls Night Out before the FSA Conference. She is so sweet and I was so excited when she said she would share her story. Here is it:

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I was very excited to be asked to share our story! I tend to be long winded when I talk, so I will try to make this post short and sweet!
My husband and I were marred in 2001. We soon wanted to start a family. We learned this may be a little more challenging than we thought. Through fertility treatment, our daughter, Morgan, was born in 2004. With no fertility treatment, we were surprised with our son, Maxwell in 2005.
In 2007, we wanted to add to our family again. All fertility treatments we tired failed. It was a very hard time for us. One night I was up looking at blogs and came across an adoption blog. It hit me like a ton of bricks. The baby that was coming into our house was NOT going to come through any amount of medical treatment. There was a sweet birth mother out there that was going to bring this child into our home. Our heart had always been open to adoption but we were now financially more prepared for it.
We began to look into what agency we wanted to use and we found Heart to Heart. I knew our baby was there. We began filling out the endless piles of paper work and became an “active family” in January of 2011. I was sure our baby would come into our home in days (a girl can dream, right?). I was wrong. We had 10 birth mothers look at our profile from January to April. We would get our hopes up every time we got a call only to find out they had chosen another family. I was about at my limit. My husband and I talked out pulling our profile until we moved in July and just resuming our adoption process once we had gotten settled from the move. We felt that would be best. I got on the computer Friday morning to email our case worker and let her know we wanted our profile put on hold for a while. Much to my surprise, there was an email from Heart to Heart in my inbox. It was a birth mother profile and I glanced over it. I didn’t give it a second thought and just replied. We would love to be shown, but I think this is the last one until we move. I also had a few questions about the birth mother I wanted answered and asked if she could call us on Monday with more information.
We went about our weekend and had a really late night Saturday night. The phone rang at 3:00 AM Sunday morning. My husband works at a hospital so it isn’t unusual to get random calls that early in the morning! I heard him say “I will go get my wife” I remember being confused at this point! He came in the bedroom and said “Kim is on the phone, the baby we heard about on Friday was born this morning!” I quickly answered the phone and Kim told me the birth mom we had received information on went into labor early and delivered a healthy baby boy. We were the family that had been chosen and if we didn’t think it was too fast, we could come and meet him! Too soon? Are you kidding me? I said we would be there and jumped out of bed! Our kids were soon woken up by all the excitement and we celebrated as a family. We knelt in prayer and thanked our Heavenly Father for this blessing. The spirit confirmed this was our baby. Our little guy was born in Utah and we were living in Missouri. We loaded our van as quickly as we could and raced to Utah to pick him up. We drove straight through and arrived in Utah late Sunday night.
Monday morning we drove to the hospital to meet our sweet birth mom and baby. I was so nervous walking into the hospital. The second I saw our birth mom, my nerves were put to ease. She is amazing. Words can’t accurately describe how we feel about her. She is strong and has been through a lot. She told us that she knew her baby was meant to be a blessing for someone else. How awesome is that? We felt nothing but pure love for her. She was truly doing the most selfless thing and brought this miracle into our home. We walked in together, my husband and I hand in hand, and our birth mom by our side to meet our baby. It still makes me tear up to think about it. Here was a perfect miracle. It was more than we could have asked for. Our hearts almost burst with joy. We named him Isaac and thank the Lord every day for the joy and blessing he has brought to our home. We share an open adoption with our birth family and it works well for all of us. We love having them in our life and sharing the miracle of adoption. I love that as Isaac grows, he can get to know the people who created him and brought him into our home. Without them, none of this could have been possible. We love our open adoption!

Falling Into An Open Adoption ***Guest Blogger

2011-11-05T09:00:00.001-07:00

This is my friend Crystal, her husband Matt and their adorable daughter Sammy. I met Crystal & Matt in March at the Adoptive Couples retreat here in Utah. I was talking to a friend about our family member adoption and she mentioned there was another couple there with a family member adoption. I knew immediately I had to meet them. Several minutes later we were sharing stories and they were giving advice. Such a great couple! Such a wonderful family!

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Our adoption story isn't your typical one...but really whose is? We knew before we got married that we would be building our family through adoption, it was the when to get started that we weren't quite sure about. We prayed for years if we should get started and the answer was always, "not yet", so we waited. Almost 6 years into our marriage, when we felt the least prepared, living just outside of Washington DC thousands of miles from our family with a friend as a roommate while his wife and kids were in North Carolina trying to sale their home, that the answer to our prayers changed.

With in a week, before we had the chance to schedule appointments with agencies in our area to get the ball rolling, we got a phone call from Matt's mom, you know the kind that changes your life forever. She had gotten a phone call about her niece from her sister in law. Her niece was pregnant with a little girl and they had two choices, find a home for this little one or the state would. Because our families knew that we wanted to build our family through adoption they thought of us, and it didn't hurt that Matt is her favorite cousin.

Five of the fastest weeks of our lives later we were parents, and two of the slowest days after that we met our Sammy.

Open adoptions were just starting to become something that were being chosen by birth parents and adoptive parents alike. Because we hadn't been to any agency orientations let alone spoken with any case workers we had no idea that open adoptions even existed. Before we said OK to being Sammy parents we sat down and decided what kind of relationship we wanted to have since our birth mom is family, and had older children. We knew that our relationship could take one of two paths; we could still be one big happy family with no secrets as to how Sammy came into this world, or we could become this once close family that had nothing to do with each other over fear that the secrets we were keeping would come out. In our minds it was a no brainier, we would be one big happy family with no secrets.

The extended family took a bit to warm up to the idea, it was about three years later that they finally grasped the concept. We were setting up for a celebration for one of Sammy's aunts, her birth mom's sister, the little ones were running around and like most three year old kids, Sammy's legs sometimes moved faster then she realized and she fell. The nearest person to her was her birth mom, Jennifer. As Jennifer scooped Sammy up to comfort her there was an audible gasp from our family, the moment of truth had arrived! What was going to happen? Would Crystal run and snatch Sammy out of Jennifer's arms complete with stink eye and wagging finger? Would Jennifer take Sammy and run? Because we had a solid relationship with Jennifer, both she and Crystal knew who they were in Sammy's life, and Sammy knew who they were, neither of those things happened. Crystal looked over towards Jennifer, asked if Sammy was OK, got a nod from her, then went back to the conversation she was having.

Almost two years ago, when we started the process to be approved to adopt again, and learned about open adoption we realized that we had "fallen into" an open adoption. We know that having extra branches on your family tree full of people that love you is never a bad thing. While it can be "fun" at times trying to reign in three sets of grandparents, explaining to the teacher at parent teacher conference that Sammy really does have a brother and two sisters that don't live with us, that she wasn't making it up, and lining up schedules so we can visit as many times a year as possible with Sammy's birth family, they live a few states away, we wouldn't have it any other way.

You can read about getting the phone call from our friends point of view, the pure awesomeness that is our family, and our adoption journey with an agency this time at our blog http://mattandcrystalsadoptionjournal.blogspot.com/

Coping with a Failed Placement **Guest Blogger

2011-11-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

This is my friend Tammy and her husband Mike. We met while hubby and I lived in New Mexico a few years ago. They are an amazing couple, and have just endured what I would say is every hopeful adoptive families worst nightmare. I was hesitant to ask Tammy if she would do this guest post since it has only been a month. When I did ask her, she said she would be glad to and that perhaps it would help someone else. She wants couples who go through a failed placement to know that it's o.k. to grieve. It's o.k. to have days that you can't get out of bed. A part of her will always miss and love that sweet baby boy. And that's o.k. too.

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We were matched with a birth mother in April of 2011. She was about 17 weeks along and to be honest, the phone calls at first were a little awkward. We spoke very often. As time went by, we grew closer. One question I would ask her periodically was: “Are you still sure you are ok with the adoption plan?” Every time I would ask, she would tell me she was.

As the months passed, we let our guard down more and more. We were so excited. We were going to be parents!! We started buying a few things, our friends and family were giving us baby clothes, furniture, diapers, etc. We opened up a baby registry and were even discussing a baby shower. Things were going according to plan.

In mid September, the day finally came for us to pack our bags and go meet our son. We drove straight through the night (our birth mother lived out of state) and arrived about 2 days before he was born. I felt honored that she wanted me to be in the delivery room for the birth. After he was born, I was chosen to cut the umbilical cord and she asked the nurse to hand the baby to me first. I was beyond words. I was finally a mother!

The baby and our birth mother were released a few days later and she allowed us to have the baby the first night. I didn’t sleep at all. I was in heaven. I was holding my son and in a few short hours we all would be signing paperwork and we would be a family.

The next morning, we were preparing to go to the appointment to sign placement papers. Our birth mother came and took the baby out of my arms saying she had to stop by her house and that she would see us there, and then she left. Although I didn’t have a good feeling, I said OK and we decided to run some errands to kill time before the appointment.

That was when our world fell apart. During one of our errands, the adoption caseworker called my husband on his cell phone and I could tell by his face, that it was not good news. After the phone call, we got into the car and I found out that our birth mother never went to the appointment. She called the caseworker and said that she couldn’t go through with it.

Needless to say, we were stunned. I usually am not at a loss for words, but I was so shocked, that it actually took a couple of days for me to comprehend what was going on.

We waited a few more days before we came home, hoping she would change her mind. She didn’t. So, we packed up and came home.

It has been just a little over a month since everything happened. We had to undo everything we had done for the nursery. It was too difficult to look at all the baby stuff every day. My husband put everything he could into the garage. For now, that room is back to being the guest room.

This past month has been one of the hardest in my life. I cry on a whim and some days it is all I can do just to get out of bed in the morning. Some days are better than others, but I am still coping with the loss of our son. The hardest part is that he will never know us. Someone else will be wiping his tears, rocking him to sleep, and watching him grow. He will never know how much we love him and all we sacrificed to be a part of his life.

We still have not heard from our former birth mother. We never will. The day it happened, that she changed her mind; the first thing we did when we got back to the place we were staying was to get on our knees and beg the Lord to help us forgive her. Are we angry, hurt, and devastated? Yes, of course. Even though we don’t agree with her decision, we are trying to understand. We don’t know the pain of placing a child for adoption, but we think that we deserved to have her tell us of her decision herself.

We are hoping to adopt again. We are going to use this experience as a learning tool. There are things we will do differently the next time. What won’t change is our testimony of adoption. It is a blessing, it creates families.

I hope that no one has to ever experience the pain of a failed placement. If you do, feel free to contact me. Our email is nmparents2b@gmail.com
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Tammy and Mike are hoping to adopt. If you or someone you know is considering adoption for their child, you can find out more about them at Completeing Our Circle.

How does your family member adoption work?

2011-11-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

What a difference two years makes. As I look back on the last couple of years I see how much our family has changed. Two years ago during National Adoption Month I was posting about other hopeful families. Meaning, we were a hopeful family too and we had been for several years. Now, here we are, two years later, with two beautiful daughters, the youngest of which was brought to us because of one gorgeous and amazing young woman who made such a selfless decision. I remember talking to Kristina shortly after Emily was born. She hadn't yet signed the papers because she was still in the hospital and since we have a family member adoption the law required her to sign consent forms in front of a judge at the court house. I asked her how she was feeling with everything. She simply smiled and said "good". We were alone in the room so I felt like I could really talk to her and so I asked her how she was really doing. She smiled again, and she said "no, really, I'm good. I know this is right, you guys are going to be amazing parents to her." People often ask me why Kristina needed to see our profile and consider us as a potential family for her child that she was carrying. What people don't understand is that, yes we might be a family member adoption, but we aren't the typical family member adoption (is there such a thing?) When Kristina was adopted by my dad and stepmom she was a baby, but I was 16 and not living with them. We didn't grow up together. We had actually met in person, a dozen or so times before Kristina became pregnant other than when Kristina was a baby but she doesn't remember that. So she really didn't know me that well and didn't really know Jacob at all because half the times she saw me, Jacob wasn't there. So she really needed to take time research and get to know who we were in order to make her decision. We were able to take the time we needed during the pregnancy to really get to know eachother on a different level then just family (not that family isn't a fabulous bond, but the bond between an adoptive parent and birth parent, is just different and special in it's own way, which combined with our sisterly bond, makes for one fabulous and special bond). Our family member adoption is not what most are. It works, most don't. We have our ups and downs yes, but for the most part, it is fabulous! We honestly wouldn't change it for anything.

National Adoption Month 2011

2011-11-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

November is here! If you are a supporter of adoption, you probably know that November is National Adoption Month. This year, like the past 2 years, I plan to post about adoption every day this month. Adoption is something that is near and dear to my heart. My first experience with adoption was when I was in 1st grade. A family moved in a couple of doors down that had a little girl, my age, who was adopted from Korea. She and I became instant best friends. My connections with adoption grew and grew. And now, it is a part of my life, every minute of every day, and I love it! Adoption Rocks!

For my first post, I wanted to share with you and event that is coming up in a couple of weeks. I am so excited for this!! The Adoption Walk With Me is an annual event. If you are a birthfamily, adoptive family, adoptee, adoption supporter, love adoption, etc. join us!!

Liberty Park

9:30-12:30

Hope to see you there!!

National Adoption Month is Coming!!

2011-10-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

My favorite time of year is beginning!! November as most of you know, is National Adoption Month. For the 3rd year I am going to attempt to post on my blog every day about adoption. With school, kids, husband and life, the only way I am going to accomplish this is with your help. If you have been touched by adoption in any way (birth familiy, adoptive family, adoptee, adoption supporter, etc.) and you would like to share your story on my blog, please let me know. You can either comment here, if we are facebook friends, you can contact me there, or feel free to email me at jandscrown at yahoo dot com.

Timing.....

2011-09-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the post where I said we were starting the adoption paperwork again? Well, there have been a lot of changes going on in our house. And that is one of them. Through a lot of thought and prayer we have decided to hold off on our next adoption for a little longer. We just don't feel like it's the right time. In the meantime we are all keeping way busy. Jacob is almost done with his Bachelor's Degree (1 more semester left after this one and he will be graduating in the spring). And he is working on submitting his application for the PhD program. Yup, he's skipping his master's and going straight for the big one. Tamara is loving her Jr. Year of high school and is working hard to be able to graduate early. I am also in school now and am working hard to get my Associates degree. Emily is working hard at getting cuter and cuter. O.k. so she doesn't have to work at that at all. But life is good. We do want to adopt again, we just know that now isn't the time. This was a really hard decision to come to, but we know that just like with Emily, when the time is right, we'll know.

Placement after parenting... Advice?

2011-09-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

Dearest Blog readers and adoption friends,
This morning I got a message from an old friend of mine. She and her husband are married, with 3 children. The youngest (we'll call him Colby) being just a few months old. We'll call them Kayla & Shawn (Kayla, Shawn & Colby are not their real names).

Kayla & Shawn are great parents. I have known them since Kayla was pregnant with their oldest. Now they have 3 children. Due to circumstances beyond their control, they are unable to care for all 3 children and feel it best that they place their youngest Colby, for adoption with some friends. These friends have been trying for years to have a baby and have been unsuccessful. So Kayla & Shawn have made the heart wrenching decision to do what they feel is best for their son, at the same time blessing the lives of their friends.

So my question to you dear readers, what advice would you give them as they start this process? Kayla asked me for advice and honestly, I am at a loss for what to tell them. My heart is breaking that they are having to make this decision. I also commend them for doing what they feel is best for their son.

Let me state that I am not looking for angry comments here. They are already heartbroken enough and don't need people lashing out at them. Put yourself in their shoes. Any angry comments will be deleted. These people are very dear to me and I can and will stand up for them.

That being said, Birthparent friends, what advice would you have for them? Adoptive parent friends, what advice would you have for them? Friends who were adopted, what advice would you have for them?

Happy 10 Year Anniversary!!

2011-08-03T00:29:00.000-07:00

(Our Engagement Picture~Montague Photography)

10 years! It's been 10 years since I married the most amazing man. We have been trying to figure how to spend our anniversary. We were going to stay in Park City for the weekend since neither of us have ever been, and it's 10 years which is a big deal. But Emily stopped sleeping through the night and we don't want to ask anyone to keep her overnight so instead we are trying to rack our brains to find something else to do. We decided that maybe we would think of something we can only do here, that we have never done and that when we move we won't be able to do. So we are thinking of maybe going downtown and going to the Beehive House and taking a tour and then maybe going to the Church History Museum (which we have done that, but that was while we were dating so it's been a long time.) Besides, those are all free things to do so that works even better. We'll go out to dinner, possibly to the Roof, or to the Garden, but we aren't sure yet. Jacob's mom and dad are going to watch Emily while we spend our afternoon/evening together. Unfortunately this will have to wait a few days because Jacob is working tonight and tomorrow night so ya. But still, I'm excited because we don't get a lot of time together just the two of us. We may go to the temple too while we're there right next to it so we'll see. Basically we have an idea of what we'd like to do, so we'll just go have fun without a plan in the world on what's actually going to happen. ;o)

(Our wedding Day August 3, 2011~Montague Photography)

Here's to 10 years love!! And to an eternity more. I love you!!

(Us July 2011~Ray Of Sunshine Photography)

Happy 1 Year!!!

2011-07-28T15:17:00.000-07:00

Miss Emily turned 1 yr old on Tuesday! I can't believe she is 1! Crazy how time flies. We have her check up tomorrow so no stats for ya, but she is doing great. She is walking now, most of the time at least. She still crawls when she falls down while walking, but she getting better. She can now walk most of the way across the room without falling. And she only falls because she gets to excited that she is walking that she starts going faster then what her little legs will carry her. But it's funny because she will fall down on her bum and then start clapping. LOL She now says 17 words, her newest words are no, stop, help, and pretty. She is seriously one of the funniest kids I have ever met. She's hi-larious!

We had newborn photos done of her when she was 3 weeks old, with a stuffed elephant that we bought for her before she was born. Here is that picture.

(Photo taken by Paramount Photography)

I decided it would be cute to do her photo with the same elephant for her 1 yr photo. (I did this one) She sure has grown!

I'll have photos and an update from her birthday parties later (we did one and her birthmom did one so she had 2).

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes!

2011-07-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

There are so many exciting changes going on in our family right now! We're so excited about what the future holds. Jacob has just a couple of semesters left after this one before he graduates from the University of Utah with his Bachelors Degree. Then he will be entering the Master's Program and if all goes as planned he will be getting his Masters degree in Religion or Theology. He will be entering the Army once again. This time as a United States Army Chaplain. He will be submitting his request for endorsement from the church to represent them as a Chaplain in January. If he is able to he will be in the Reserves until Tamara is done with school. We don't want her to have to switch schools so close to graduation so we are still here for a minimum of 2 years.

Speaking of Tamara, she passed her drivers ed class and her test. Now she is just waiting until she has had her permit for 6 months which will be at the end of this month. The other prerequisite is that she has a job to pay for the insurance for her having a license.

Emily has taken her first steps and is sure to be a lean mean walking machine in no time at all. She is also cutting more teeth so there have been some sleepless nights around here.

As for me, in addition to starting my own photography business, I am going back to school. I am so excited! I will be attending Salt Lake Community College and getting my Associates of Science Degree in Visual Arts and Design with an Emphasis on Photography. I can't wait! I have been wanting to go back to school for a long time. Seriously, so excited!!

Oh! And! Jacob has applied for a new position at his work, that is not only a pay raise, but it's also a day time, salaried, office job. He would have a set schedule and actually be home every once and a while. So hoping he gets it!

See, told you there were a lot of changes! :o)

Crazy!

2011-07-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

These last couple of months have been crazy busy for my family. First my big brother Roy graduated from the U with his EMBA in Business. YAY! Proud of you big brother!!

Then my brother Matt got engaged to a wonderful woman named Marcela, and I took there engagement photos.

Then, Tamara, my baby! She turned 16!!! She is finishing up Driver's Ed, looking for a job, and will be getting her License at the end of this month!

I made not, 1 but 2 cakes for two seperate Sweet 16 parties. The first was for the party with friends. She wanted a small party, just having some friends over to hang out, but she wanted a fun cake. She designed it. It didn't turn out like I had hoped, but she liked it.

The day after her first party I went to Utah County to take my newest nephew Sam's newborn photos.

Then Tamara had her other party which was the party for family and friends. We did an open house with cake and presents at the end. I was happier with the cake for this one. She designed this one as well.

Then, we got a new washer, dryer, and fridge. Emily's newest favorite "movie" to watch is watching the clothes go around and around in the washer and dryer. Heck, Tamara likes watching it too! LOL
Then I took my soon to be sister in law's bridal photos.

Then it was time for the wedding. I was able to shadow Ashley with Paramount Photography at the temple and did the reception photos myself.

In addition to the wedding photos I also did their announcements, a video montage that played at the reception, and I also did their cake (my friend Kim helped with the cake, so could not have done it without her!)

And to top it off, in May, little miss Emily turned 10 months old.

And now, she is 11 months old! I am starting to plan her 1st birthday. That is just crazy to me! She's almost 1! How did my girls get so big so fast? Emily now has 2 teeth on bottom, one on top that just broke all the way through and another one that has just started to peek through. She crawls everywhere, is walking around furniture, just started acting like she might be willing to try walking on her own, she stands by herself for up to 20 seconds by herself without falling (when she's done she'll just sit down), she loves bouncing and has even started jumping, she gets in to everything and anything, still won't sleep at night unless I'm with her, she says: momma, dada, mommy, daddy, Nay (Tamara's nickname) Sissy, Kitty, Cat, Dog, Pup pup, hi, bye, ball, baba, no, what, kay (ok), and her latest, Mine! Silly girl!

On top of all this, I am getting ready to start my own photography business. I have been doing photo shoots like crazy to help build my portfolio, and am working on a business name, logo, cards, price list, etc. Stay tuned for more details on that, along with a giveaway!

Beginning again?

2011-06-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

Because our adoption with Emily is a family member adoption we could have adopted another child at any time, including when Emily was born or even before. In fact the very day we got a call saying that Kristina had chosen us, we also got a call from our case worker, not two hours before saying that a baby had been born the night before with Down Syndrome. The baby's parents were painfully considering adoption because they did not know if they could care for this baby the way she deserved. (the parents were married with 4 other children and didn't know how they would be able to care for a special needs child as well since they didn't make a lot of money to begin with.) I can't imagine how hard that decision must have been for them. We had to make the decision on whether we would like to have our profile presented to them. Jacob's Aunt has Down Syndrome and our case worker knows this. So she called to see if we would want our profile presented because we were one of the families who had marked that we were o.k. with Down Syndrome in our profile with the agency. We considered it, but by the time we found out we were chosen by Kristina we had already made the decision to not have our profile presented. It was a really hard decision. I spent the next 24 hours wondering if we had made the right decision. But ultimately we felt that the parents were the ones to raise this sweet baby. And we were right. The next day we got a call saying that the family had been given help and resources to help with the care of their little one and they had chosen to parent. I was so happy for them. After informing our case worker that we were indeed chosen by Kristina, I asked her if this other family had chosen adoption, would we have been able to still be "in the running". She said that yes, because Emily was a family member adoption, we could absolutely adopt at any other time. Just before Emily was born we chose to have our file put on hold so that we could adapt to having a baby in the house and concentrate on our new family member. We didn't close our file, just put it on hold. And because we didn't adopt through our agency we won't have to do the full application process again should we choose to take our file off hold. We will need to update a few things, but that will be it.

Which brings me to a few weeks ago. We got an email from our case worker. She is leaving the agency to become a stay at home mommy. We are so happy for her, but sad to lose her as our case worker. She wanted to set up a meeting with us to discuss when we want to take our file off hold and to also introduce us to our new case worker. So that brings us to now. Our meeting with them is tomorrow. We need to decide what we are going to do as far as our future hopes to adopt. Do we want to pursue adoption again? If you had asked us a few months ago we would have said no. At the beginning when Emily was first born we couldn't wait to add to our family again. As the months went by we had pretty much decided that we were done. Not because we didn't feel we were supposed to adopt again, but because we didn't know if we could go through the waiting process again. So how do we decide. We have no idea..... We have prayed about it, we feel that we should adopt again. But we are just so scared of what the future holds. What if we wait years again? What if we are chosen right away? What if we are never chosen again? And so.... tomorrow, we talk to our new case worker. And we have pretty much decided we will tell them we are ready to start again. We want Emily to have another sibling. She loves Tamara to death, but by the time she is in school, Tamara will be out of the house and either off at college or married or both. We want Emily to have another sibling close to her in age. And we feel like our family is not complete. And so.... we begin again......

We have a family photo session set up for this weekend by the awesome Angie from Ray Of Sunshine Photography. We were originally going to do the shoot to celebrate Tamara's 16th birthday, Emily's upcoming 1st birthday and our upcoming 10th Anniversary, but it's looking like we will also use the photos for pass along cards and updating our profile. Exciting.... but nervous too!

Happy BirthMother's Day!

2011-05-07T17:50:00.000-07:00

Today is BirthMother's Day. Since beginning this adoption journey this has been a special day for me, but no more so then the last two years. I always knew how amazing BirthMom's were. To make the amazing, selfless sacrifice that they do for their little ones, is beyond describable. Just this last July I got to witness this first hand as Kristina placed Emily in my arms, and then again as she signed the papers that would forever change all of our lives. I can't even begin to thank her, and tell her how much her sacrifice on behalf of Emily means to us all. Not just Jacob, Tamara, and I. But to all who love us, and love Emily.

Kristina,
Know that on this day, and every day, we are thinking of you, loving you, and missing you.
Always,
Sharon, Jacob, Tamara & Emily

just some of my favorite photos of Kristina and Emily these last 9 months.

Guest Blogger: Savina's Story

2011-04-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to bring to you my newest guest blogger. This gorgeous lady is my friend Savina. Savina and I met at church while hubby and I lived in Kansas. Savina introduced me to the joys of a "little" show called Grey's Anatomy. ;o) She is an Army wife to her awesome hubby Don who recently returned from his most recent deployment overseas. She is also a mom to 4 beautiful children. She is talented, funny, an amazing friend, has a fantastic spirit, and she is an adoptee. This is her story, in her words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let me start out by introducing my self. My name is Savina Ford. I am 31 (well close enough). I was born in San Antonio, TX. I was raised in Portland, OR. I am an adoptee. I have always known that I was adopted. At least I don’t remember ever not knowing that I was adopted! My birth mother was 16 and had just finished her freshman year of HS when I was born. She did not have the best of living conditions and was most likely not really given much of a choice weather to keep me or put me up for adoption. Either way I am eternally grateful to her for giving me up. I was adopted through LDS Services. I have an amazing family that has loved and cared for me my whole life.
My Mother and Father tried for many years to have their own children. None came. They went to the Doctor and had some tests done to see why. The tests came back showing that they together were unable to conceive. That is when they decided to start the adoption process. It was not an easy process for them. At one point they had my Mothers cousins two children and they were going to adopt them, but that fell though. Then they got a call saying that the adoption agency had a baby boy for them. They were so excited but at the last min. the birth mom decided to keep him. My parents were devastated. They had already waited over 2 years on the adoption list for a baby. Then they called again and said they had a baby girl coming and asked if they wanted her. They told my parents that the mother was Hispanic and the Father was Caucasian. This was perfect because so were my adoptive parents. My Mother is Mexican and my Father is Caucasian! They were again excited but reserved a lot of their joy in fear that they might not get her either.
May 30th 1980 the baby girl was born. The adoption agency called and told them that they had some news that may complicate things. My Mother almost died. “Here we go again” she thought. “The Birth Mom wants to keep her too.” The lady went on and told her that the baby girl came out with blond hair and blue eyes. She had no apparent features of a Hispanic baby and asked if she still wanted her. My mom in shock said, “Who cares! Of course we want her!” about a month later I was in my Mothers arms and on my way to my home. The time lapse between my birth and my Mother coming to get me was due to travel arrangements. My parents had to get plane tickets and I came a bit earlier than expected! I stayed with a foster family for my first few weeks of life till my Mother was able to come and get me. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family who loves me. I am and will forever be grateful for the sacrifices that have been made for me, and the blessings that I have received through adoption.

Savina & Don's adorable kids at Halloween 2010

Carter, Sam, Austin, Maria

Top Left: Great Grandma Danna McDonald, Carter Ford, Grandma McDonald, and Austin Ford. Middle Left: Grandpa McDonald, Ray McDonald (also adopted), and Nikia McDonald. Bottom Left: Maria Ford, Savina Ford holding Samuel Ford, and Don Ford.

9 months!

2011-04-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

The last two months have flown by! Last I knew Emily was 7 months old and now here she is a happy bubbly 9 month old!

Emily is now:

Crawling, pulling herself up on people, very close to pulling herself up on objects, walked around furniture twice, got her first tooth (sort of, it's there, has broken through, but hasn't come up more, it's been like that for two weeks!), she is wearing 12-18 month clothes, size 4 diapers, is 21lbs. 13oz. and 29 1/2 inches tall. She is in the 91% for weight for her age group, and 97% for height. She says, mama, dada, nay nay (Tamara's nickname), baba(bottle), ba (ball), waves while saying ba ba (this means bye bye), her favorite word to say is hi. And she even said cat the other day. She is loving the mommy and me gym class we go to. I love it too. I can't beleive she is 9 months! Crazy!

Living up to the blog name. :D

2011-04-15T17:37:00.000-07:00

I know, I'm a really bad blogger these days. Life has been crazy and wonderful. Ha! We live up to our blog name! LOL Hubby is really busy with school and work and this weekend is doing one of his final drill weekends with the reserves. He has 2 after this and then he will be able to concentrate on school and work. He also figured out that he will be graduating with his Bachelor's next Spring. YAY! Of course he will go into the Master's program after that, and then the PhD program after that, but still (he is going to be a college professor). Tamara is in track and is enjoying her last couple of months as a Sophomore and is ready for her Jr. year to begin. I'm not so much ready for that. She is less then 2 months away from turning 16 and will be getting her driver's license soon after that. Emily is teething right now so we don't get much sleep around here. She just learned how to crawl a few days ago and is trying so hard to pull herself up on things. She's getting really close. Her first tooth is so close to popping through. I can feel it, so I'm thinking in the next day or two it should be up. I'm just staying busy with everything that everyone else has going on. Anyhow, I promise I will do a real post soon, I have several people who are working on guest blogs, and I have a few planned for the week after next which is National Infertility week. Anyhow, for your viewing pleasure, I present, crawling Emily!

2nd Annual Adoptive Parents Retreat! Super FUN!

2011-03-25T22:11:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I was thrilled to attend the 2nd Annual Adoptive Couples Retreat in Orem UT. Can I just tell you, it was fabulous! No, it was more than fabulous, it was fanfreakintasticalfabulousness! Seriously! All the work we as the committee did totally paid off. And really, the major thanks for the awesomeness that was last weekend, goes to Jessa. I hope everyone else had as great of time as I did. Can you believe though, I didn't take a single picture? I even took my camera on Friday and never took a single one. :( I hope someone else did and would be willing to share their photos.

Jacob wasn't able to go with me. He is in the Reserves still for another few months and has drill this weekend so he is gone until tomorrow night. Sure wished he was with me! He was home Friday night because formation wasn't until this morning, but he stayed home and watched Emily so I could have a night off of mommy duty. Although I missed them both terribly and wished they were both with me. :( (Isn't it funny how that happens, you're happy to have a night out, but you end up spending the whole night missing your little one. Is it just me that this happens to?)

Friday night was a mingle night where we got to mingle and get to know other couples who are a part of the adoption world as well. Such a fun night! I got to talk with so many people! Loved it! Such a fun group! I love being a part of this adoption world! We even met another couple, Hi Crystal and Matt! Who also did a family member adoption. They were kind enough to share some insight with me.

Saturday was AWESOME! I was late, I was up all night with Emily who didn't want to stay asleep unless I was holding her, so I over slept this morning (she’s teething so she has been fussier then normal). I got there just in time for everything to begin so all I missed was breakfast and mingle time. Still sad though. :( The wonderful couple behind The r house , Josh and Lindsey, were our keynote speakers. SO fabulous! Seriously love them! They spoke about honesty in adoption, hope in adoption and shared a little of their journey so far. What they do for the adoption world is beyond amazing!

Our Adoptive Parent Panel was great! We had a few different types of adoption represented. David was representing Domestic adoption. He and his wife adopted three children who are all in their late teens early 20's now. It was so neat to hear his prespective on things. Jennifer (who was a guest blogger recently) was representing foster adoption. She and her husband have adopted 2 children through foster care and are about to finalize their 3rd foster care adoption. My favorite line from her was that you should always be open to foster care. There is a misconception that all kids in foster care are bad kids. But they aren't they are children who unfortunately have lived hard lives and have come from not so great circumstances. But they all are great kids. And you never know how your child will come to you, so be open to it. (Side note, Jennifer, I am so sad we didn't get to talk much! I was looking for you afterwards but you were occupied and then the next time I looked you were gone! We need to get together soon!) Ashley is the author of children's book about adoption. She and her husband have adopted 4 children. 3 domestically and 1 internationally. So Ashley was representing International adoption. First of all, her kids are stinkin' adorable! Her son has adjusted to life in America like he was born here. After only 6 months here he speaks perfect English. What really stuck out to me about Ashley was just that she is pure awesome! Hearing her talk about how her family has brought this young boy into their home is nothing short of inspiring. He is from Taiwan and they have not only adopted him, but they adopted a love of his country. They celebrate all of the Taiwanness holidays in their home. I love that! I think that's something every family who adopts a child from a different culture should do. If we decide to adopt again and we adopt a child from a different culture, we will for sure be doing that! Love it!

During lunch the lovely Alexandria spoke to us. She is an adoptee. Her dad is the one who spoke on the adoptive parent panel. She spoke about her love adoption, and more specifically, her love of her life. She had us all captivated. She is beyond adorable! One thing that she said that really stuck out to me was that she can't imagine life any other way, then to be adopted. I love that! She feels that her life is exactly how it should be. Amazing I tell you! She is amazing!

Our birthparent panel was fabulous, what I got to hear of it that is. I had to go out with Emily for part of it so I wasn't there for the whole thing, but what I did hear of it was awesome! Amanda placed her son 6 years ago. She shared her journey and spoke about her healing process. She spoke of her experiences with her son's parents. Sterling placed her son just a year ago. She shared her journey as well, and spoke of the love she has for her son's parents. Daniel was a great addition to the panel as well. He happens to be Alexandria’s birthfather so it was really a neat experience to get to hear the same adoption story from three separate points of view.

I hope we get to do a retreat next year! It was seriously fabulous experience!

St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Hope your day was awesome!

My Girls, March 17, 2011

Tamara sporting her Green wear!

Emily in her Green! Tamara made her bow, sooo cute!

Blessing pictures

2011-03-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post. If you're on my facebook you've seen this. If not, I thought I'd share. I was going to get professional pictures of Emily in her blessing dress done, but was never able to. So I decided to see what I could do. These are all by me. I'm not a pro, just a hobbyist. I love taking pictures. :o) Enjoy!

Classic Emily look. She's so goofy!
Silly girl!

Baby feet. :D

My friend Kim had the greatest idea to take a picture of Emily's shoes at her baptism and at her wedding as well. Love it!

The hook and eye closure that was used on Em's dress was from my grandmothers sewing supplies. She passed away in 97 and my mom got a lot of her supplies. When I heard my mom had added it to Em's dress I about cried. I love that there is something from such a special person on her dress.

Details of the dress

The Gorgeous dress my mom made.

Sweet girl!

My baby!

Love her!

Emily's birthmom has a matching necklace. I had to get a picture of Emily wearing this special bracelet. (Custom made and avaliable at the r house couture etsy shop)

7 and a half!!!

2011-03-10T21:54:00.000-08:00

So I'm totally great with the milestone blog posts right? I promise, I post the ones for Kristina on her blog on time. I just don't get around to doing them here like I should. *sigh*

Emily is now 7 and a half months. She is doing great! She goes 3-4 sometimes 5 hours between naps. She is always looking at what's going on around her. When I took her in for her flu booster shot on the 2nd she was 20lbs. 12 oz. She was sick a couple of weeks ago so she wasn't sleeping through the night while she was sick and since getting better won't sleep more then 6-8 hours at night, but it's getting better. She is developing right on target the doctor says. She says Mama, Dada, and even said Daddy the other day while looking at the door Jacob had just dissappeared through. It was so cute! She babbles a lot and is working on teething still but those little buggers just don't want to push through, so our normally happy baby is abnormally fussy at times, and drools and chews on everything. We're hoping the tooth will break through soon. Emily laughs a lot, I mean A LOT! and she growls at everything. And makes this adorable growling noise whenever she gets excited about something. She recently started as my sister-in-law calls it, the squishy face. Case in point:

Hehehehe!!!

Guest Blogger: Jennifer -- The Revelations That Led Us Here

2011-03-08T00:18:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I received an email from a sweet new blog reader. She had stumbled onto my blog through the blog of a mutual friend. I invited her to be a guest blogger and share her journey of bringing, not 1, not 2, but soon to be 3, children to her family through foster care adoption. She asked me what she should write about. I told her that she should write about what she wanted to. I really didn't have a topic to give her. And I am so glad I didn't. The following is in her words, exactly as she sent it to me. Thank you Jennifer for sharing your journey. And congrats on the upcoming finalization of your little man! Jennifer is going to be on the adoptive parent panel, representing foster adoption, at the upcoming Adoptive Parents retreat! Can't wait!!! To follow Jennifer's journey, check out their blog here.

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I am so excited to be invited to share our story with you & yours! We love spreading the good word of adoption, and we love sharing the tender mercies that foster care adoption has to offer.

A little about me: My name is Jennifer (aka Mama Lark). My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years. 4 1/2 of those years we have spent as foster parents. We have been blessed to be able to adopt 2 beautiful daughters, and will be finalizing our little man's adoption in April. Enough about that... if you want to read more of our adoption story, please feel free to check out our blog.

I feel prompted to share the revelations that moved us to become foster parents.Foster care is hard. It has its tough moments. It also has its amazingly spiritual moments! My husband and I have always been very QUICK folks. We don't wait around for anything.(We knew each other 7 days before getting engaged!) We started planning for a family immediately. The Lord had another plan for us... After struggling with fertility issues for 12 months, I begged my Heavenly Father to provide us with an answer. Why were we struggling to have a baby?!? The answer came in the form of a blessing I had received weeks before our wedding. I stumbled across my patriarchal blessing in our dresser drawer where I had left it for safe keeping. Without divulging the specifics, part of my blessing indicated that I would raise children carried in my heart. What the heck did that mean? I found out what the Lord had planned for us late one night while I scoured the Internet for "cures" for our fertility woe's. There was a small Google ad on my screen about adoption. What the heck, I clicked on it. My heart became full when I read the adoption agencies mission statement, and it read WORD FOR WORD what my patriarchal blessing had promised me... children carried inside my heart! The bells went off, and the next morning we were calling every adoption agency in the Yellow Pages.

Much to my dismay, we did not meet the requirements of most agencies because we had not been married for 2 years. After another prayer to my Heavenly Father, and another Internet search, we learned about foster care adoption. Within the week we had contacted the Utah Foster Care Foundation, met with a recruiter, and signed up for the required 36 hours of training. Everyone thought we were crazy!! People told us all the time, "Just relax. The babies will come naturally if you just chill out." To them I would respond, "Adoption is NOT our second choice."

After completing half of our training with the state, we were dismayed when both our trainer and our caseworker told us the likelihood of us getting an infant was very low... Not that we were against raising older children, but we didn't want to have the children dealing with looks and hushed questions when we had only been married for 2 years but had a ten year old. We knew we would get them. So, we gave up on the idea of foster care, and continued living our lives as newlyweds. There was nothing I wanted more than to be a mother. After spending a weekend crying to my husband about our lack of babies, I thought it would never get any better. My infertility was controlling so many of my emotions! We knelt together in family prayer and studied the scriptures and went to bed early that night... I woke up covered in sweat, crying out in panic. I shook my husband awake and told him that I KNEW our baby was out there! They needed us to find them as soon as possible, and that we needed to be ready. (He thought I was insane, but went with it.)The next morning, I contacted the Foster Care Foundation, and scheduled us to finish our foster training.

September came, and I went back to work as a pre-school teacher with our school district. A job I LOVED! My husband lost his job and was working temp agencies in the area. It was a stressful time for us. We still had not gotten our child, and we were still waiting anxiously. We were prompted to finish a nursery, and have everything ready. In October, I lined my cute pre-schoolers up to take them out to the playground. I reached out and grabbed my cell phone off my desk to use as a clock, and we were off. I helped toddlers cross the monkey bars and played kickball. When my phone started ringing, I felt the urge to answer. I had my assistant take over the class and stepped away. It was my caseworkers voice on the other end. When I realized I was on speaker phone, the tears started streaming down my face... I don't remember much from the phone call except the part where she told me I was going to be a mother. We brought home our beautiful daughter and our adoption was finalized 7 months later.

During the summer, we fostered a sweet little boy. He was so much fun! Our hearts were broken when he left our home on October 2, 2007. I found myself angry with Heavenly Father for taking this sweet spirit away from our home. With prayer, came comfort... After a week of tears, we received the call that our daughters biological sister had come into custody and she was coming to join our family. (This was almost EXACTLY a year from receiving the first phone call about our oldest daughter.) She joined our family and her adoption was also finalized quickly. We were so happy! We decided that we were content as we were, and we closed our file with the state.

Fast forward a year... I had been spending lots of my time thinking about our daughters birth mother. Where was she? Was she safe? Had she had more children that were in danger? We toyed with the idea of finding her, but decided that it was not in the best interest of our girls. They had been removed for her lack of parenting skills because she was a drug addict and a petty criminal. Not what we wanted for our girls!! The promptings got stronger, and my fears got worse. When studying my scriptures, I came across this:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

With faith in our Heavenly Father, we began searching out our Birth mother. We had no luck with conventional methods, and we started searching social networking sites. I found her!! I panicked because she had another baby... but everything on her site seemed like she was doing better. I contacted her, and agreed to meet up with her. I was pleasantly surprised when I did! She was a totally different person. She had stopped using drugs, she had gotten a job and was attending school. Her spirit was amazing! We now share an amazingly close relationship, and enjoy having "Tummy Mommy" as part of our family. We are proud to say that we are one of the few families that have an OPEN foster care adoption!

When we felt prompted to open our file back up, we did not question our Heavenly Father like we had always been so quick to do in the past. Within a week of an approved home study, our Little Man came into our home. We were told that this would be temporary, but He calmed our hearts and minds and assured us that this sweet child would be ours for eternity. He was right as usual. We are so thrilled that we will be completing our family in a matter of weeks... unless Heavenly Father feels that we should be blessed with just one more sweet spirit. The revelations we have enjoyed, have truly been great blessings!

For the most part, we have had nothing but support from our family and friends when it comes to our adoption decisions... I can actually only think of a few people that were not supportive. They think that we just "fly by the seat of our pants". Well, honestly, we do! But believe me, its not without much prayer and much divine intervention from a loving Heavenly Father. For those of you struggling with non-supportive family/friends, I close with this quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley...

"Let us get on our knees and plead with the Lord for direction. Then let us stand on our feet, square up our shoulders, and march forward without fear..."

Guest Blogger: Devin & Jared, hoping to adopt

2011-03-02T16:36:00.001-08:00

Today I'm excited to bring you my wonderful guest blogger. This is Devin and her husband Jared. I met Devin a couple of months ago at a planning meeting for the Adoptive Couples Retreat (which is in a couple of weeks by the way! YAY!!) She is awesome to say the least! They are a hoping to adopt couple. If you or someone you know is considering an adoption plan, they may just be the couple for you. To find out more about Devin & Jared, you can check out their blog here. If you have an adoption story to tell, I'd love to have you guest blog for me. Just email me at jandscrown at yahoo dot com.

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Hi! My name is Devin, and we're hoping to adopt. I'd like to start out by thanking Sharon for letting me take this opportunity to share our adoption story. I personally feel like it's somewhat unique. I'm going to give an abbreviated version of it. For more details, feel free to e-mail (jndpayne@gmail.com) or look at our blog (jndpayne.blogspot.com). Anyway~ we went into our marriage knowing we'd adopt. Yeah, we've been totally blessed in that way. So here's how we knew:

It all started when I was born. I was extremely sick and the doctors could not figure out why. The doctors decided to run every test imaginable (and available for the time). One of the test they ran was a genetic test... looking at my chromosomes and how many of each I had. Well... it turns out that I'm missing a sex chromosome; I have XO. Women are suppose to have XX. This condition is called Turner Syndrome. As one of the consequences, and pretty much the only one in my case, is missing/non-functioning ovaries. Hence, I don't have eggs and I don't ovulate each month. I have more info. and a link on my blog if you're interested. Feel free to e-mail too. Sorry if this was too much info. I'm very open about it, as you can tell.

A little from my husband's perspective. Jared is one of my heroes! I was so scared to tell him that I could not have biological kids. I've gotten better, but I use to be total chicken about telling people. Don't know why. Anyway~ when I finally got the nerve to tell Jared, it was late one night. I just kind of blurted it out. He went home and over the next couple of days he thought about it. He went over to his brother's (who at the time was about to enter into medical school) and talked to him. Together they talked and found out more about Turners. Jared also talked with his parents. After about 3 days or so, Jared decided that he didn't care. Turners was apart of me, he loves me, and so he could handle me having not giving birth. Totally an incredible man in my opinion.

A little from my perspective. I was raised and grew up knowing I'd never get pregnant. For a long time I was okay with that. It was not a big deal to me. I thought I had emotionally dealt with it. However, that all changed when I got married. After we got married, I was at the point in my life where I could be a mom. I'd say the first couple of years of our marriage was so hard for me in the fact that I wanted to be a mom, and knew that I couldn't get pregnant. This is when I really did emotionally deal with it. I have now come to terms with my infertility and at each chance I get I talk about adoption.

So, yes, we went into our marriage knowing biological kids were out of the question. We chose adoption though because of the sacred, special nature of it. Birth moms another one of my heroes! I don't think there's anything that comes closer to the atonement of Christ then placing a child for adoption. We also feel like there are tons of kids out there needing a good home, and adopting is how we can help.

We love getting to know more people, don't mind talking about our story, and like I said we're very open about who we are. Please, ask or comment away! Thanks so much taking the time to read our story. Thanks again, Sharon, for letting me tell our story.

Happy Birthday!!

2011-03-01T07:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful man! I love you honey!

My favorite picture of my man in uniform. Taken in Iraq in 2005.

My hot man!

Love him!

Happy Birthday love!

The Sealing and Blessing.

2011-02-24T22:53:00.001-08:00

Well, we did it! Saturday we were sealed to our beautiful baby girl! It was a beautiful moment. The day started out rocky. As usual we were running late. I never used to be late, but it seems since moving back to Utah, I am always running late. Saturday was no exception. So, after checking and double checking to make sure we had everything we needed, I drove like crazy to get to Provo on time. I didn't speed, I just drove crazy (while not breaking any laws of course, but I only just barely didn't break laws). And I only just barely got us there on time. It was raining and snowing and cold and wet. So we knew with Emily having been sick on top the weather, a lot of pictures were definately not going to happen.

Emily did great. My mom had her in the nursery until it was time for her to come up. When they brought Emily in she was mesmerized by the chandelier. She did fuss a little, but that lasted only seconds. She was really tired though because when we went back to pick her up from the nursery, even though she had 3 of her grandparents with her (my mom and both of Jacob's parents took her back to the nursery), she was crying. Jacob took her from his dad and she kept crying. So I took her and within minutes she put her head on my shoulder and fell asleep. So the few pictures we did get outside had Emily sleeping.

Kristina was there. She waited outside in the car until we were ready to come out (she didn't want to wait in the waiting room). We got several pictures with her and several more of her with Emily by themselves. It would not have been the same without her there.

Sunday was Emily's blessing. She did great! Jacob was starting to get emotional before he even took her up. I'll admit, I was too. It was short, but beautiful. My sister-in-law Janele (Jacob's oldest sister) knows short hand and so she wrote Em's blessing down, well, most of it. Which is good, because I was too emotional to know much of what was being said. I didn't take any pictures on Sunday, which is sad. We had a luncheon open house at our house Sunday afternoon after the blessing. Our house was filled to the brim with our loved ones. I didn't know we could fit so many people in our house. And it was so great to have all of them here to love and support us.

It was, as I thought it would be, a bittersweet weekend though. I missed Tamara at the temple and I missed her at the blessing. I understand that she is uncomfortable with religious things. And I wouldn't have wanted her there knowing she would have been uncomfortable (to say that she would have been uncomfortable is an understatement). But still, my heart ached to have her there. I'm glad that those who were able to make it, and brave the weather on both days, were able to be there. What a beautiful special weekend it was.

Tamara is taking photography in school and she is going to take some pictures of Emily in her blessing dress for me. I really wanted to get pictures of all of us, but the money just isn't there to hire someone, so we will make do with what we can. And Tamara has the eye so I know she will do great. Until I have those to share, here are a couple of pictures that I got from Saturday at the temple. A few of these are from Kristina's camera. Thanks for letting me use them Tina!

Jacob, me & Emily outside the Provo Temple after the sealing.

The one who made it all possible. Kristina holding Emily.

My mom made Emily's dress and a bib to match, my aunt made her sweater, a lady at church made her hat, and my sister Ginny made her blanket.

Emily and I after the sealing in the entrance of the temple, waiting to go out for pictures. She was soooo tired! Right after this picture was taken she laid her head down and went to sleep.

Am I excited?

2011-02-18T15:13:00.000-08:00

So this is the weekend we have been waiting for. As members of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we beleive that families can be together forever. This is called a sealing. Tomorrow we will be going to the Provo Temple and will have Emily sealed to us as our daughter for eternity. And on Sunday she will be given a name and blessing that will go on the records of our church.

I've had a lot of people tell us how excited they are for us, and ask if we're excited. Honestly that's a loaded question. Don't get me wrong, I am sooo excited! I mean, Emily will be our daughter for eternity. This is a day we have been waiting literally years for. When we were married we wanted to have children right away. That wasn't in the Lord's plan for us. There were times we thought this weekend would never come. But it's here. Emily will be our daughter for eternity. However, Tamara will not. And that, is heartbreaking. Our eternal family will not be complete until she is. So tomorrow will be a very bittersweet day. It's hard to explain honestly. And it will coupled with the fact that she won't even be there in the waiting room. I explained to her why I wanted her to be there, but left it at her decision to be there or not. She chose not to be there. I respect that. She has reasons, ones that I won't go into because they are her personal reasons. They are between her, me and Jacob. And I respect her reasons. But that doesn't dull the sadness of her not being there. I'm not sure if her being there would make it easier or harder honestly. For those who don't know, Tamara is my daughter from a previous relationship. I had her when I was a teenager, and not having alot of support, and not really knowing about adoption, I chose to parent. Tamara was 6 when I married Jacob. She has grown up being shuttled back and forth between our house and her dad's house. The only time she learned about the church was when she was with us. Now, Tamara's dad is a great guy. He is an amazing father. He is not, however, active in our church. I don't think he has even set foot on church grounds in probably over a decade or two. When Jacob and I married and he joined the Army we gave Tamara the choice on who she wanted to live with, knowing we would be moving around a lot. She chose her dad, so she could stay in one place. Being a child who moved around a lot, I don't blame her. But this means she didn't grow up learning about the church. She was given the choice on whether she wanted to be baptized or not when she became a teenager. She chose not to. So not really beleiving in the gospel, or in the sealing power, she has chosen to not be there at the temple when Emily is sealed to us. Like I said, she has other reasons, and we respect those reasons. Still, I am sad....

So I'm trying not to think about it. I'm trying to think only of Emily. This is her day after all. And for that I am truly grateful. And who knows, maybe..... maybe someday.....

Guest bloggers wanted. :D

2011-02-14T00:58:00.000-08:00

Howdy all my bloggy friends! I know you have been waiting for Kristina's story, and that is coming, I promise. She has it partially written and is working on the rest. She has been really busy with school and trying to catch up with everything, but she is working on it. In the meantime, if anyone else wants to guest post, please email me at jandscrown at yahoo dot com. I'd love to share your story. Whether you're an adoptive family, hoping to adopt, a birthparent, birth family member, adoptee, connected to adoption in any way. I'd love to have you! If your interested, email me for details! :D

Registration Reminder for Adoptive Couples Retreat

2011-02-11T23:42:00.001-08:00

Just a reminder, there is less then one week left to register for the Adoptive Couples Retreat. This is for anyone who has already adopted, hoping to adopt, thinking about adopting, or just wants to learn more about adoption. We will have a birth parent panel, and an adoptive couples panel as well as Josh & Lindsey Redfern are our fabulouse Keynote Speakers. Not to mention, we are going to have an adoptee, her birthfather, and her adoptive father, all speaking on panels. Seriously folks, you don't want to miss this. And might I say, we are planning a yummy menu too! For more information go here: Adoptive Couples Retreat. Or you can click on the button in the right hand column of my blog. Registration ends Feb. 18, 2011! Don't miss out on this awesome weekend! Hope to see you there!

Finally, the 6 month post!

2011-02-10T23:51:00.000-08:00

Little Miss Em is getting way too big, way too fast. At her 6 month check up a couple of weeks ago she was 19 lbs. 4.5 oz. and 28 1/4 inches. Ya, she's a big girl! She is 96% for her weight, and 99% for her height! Considering she was born in the 95% for both, she is growing right where she should be. The dr. is really pleased with her growth so far. She was impressed that Emily was sitting up by herself for several minutes at a time. Emily now sits up by herself for as long as she feels like it. By that I mean, she'll sit there and when she gets tired of sitting she just lays down. It's too funny! I put her toys around her and she will just play for a long time! She is starting to try to crawl. She will get on her belly and try to put her legs up underneath her and then she'll get frustrated after a few minutes. I would say that she will probably be crawling in the next month or so. She loves to try to feed herself, although she doesn't always get the spoon in her mouth, so we give her an empty spoon. I'll feed her and then give her the spoon when I'm done and she'll play with the empty spoon for a bit. She loves it. She now eats baby food twice a day, and has 3-4 bottles through out the day. We are also trying the sippy cup, but so far she isn't interested. We'll keep trying though.

She continues to entertain us with her cuteness. She says mama, dada, and a lot of other jumbled baby words that no one but her understands, which is to say she is extremely vocal! She loves to blow raspberries in the midst of her babbling, and we have had to walk out of classes at church on more then one occassion (read, it's a weekly occurance) because she's so talkative and is disrupting the class. She is a generally happy baby, still sleeps 7-10 hours at night, still hates naps during the day, wears 9-12 month clothes and size 3 diapers. Her reflux seems to be getting better day by day. We still have to watch very closely what she takes in food wise. I make all her baby food to cut down on the risk of her having an episode (for lack of a better term). We tried her on juice but she had issues with the asorbic acid they put in juices for preservation purposes, so we'll be waiting on juice for a while (the dr. doesn't want us to make her juice, she says just hold off on juice for a while). All in all everything is going great. Emily is a very inquizative child and is always watching what's going on around her, and grabs at everything she can get her hands on. She is drooling up a storm and we're hoping she will be cutting teeth soon (she started teething months ago, but no tooth has broken through yet). Anyhow, there you have it, a couple of weeks late, but that is how Emily is doing at 6 months old. I can't beleive how quickly she is growing up! Crazy!

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, She's OURS!!!

2011-02-05T00:38:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note, the judge signed the decree, the clerk stamped it with the court seal, and our lawyer delivered the paperwork to us and..... SHE'S OURS!!! It's official! Emily is now officially, and legally, our daughter! When I picked Tamara up from school today I told her that it was final, that Emily was now legally her sister. Her response was, "She's always been my sister mom". And she's right, Emily has always been Tamara's sister, and has always been our daughter, but, to have it legally recognized now, it's final, well, that is fantastic!

Get off the sidewalks!

2011-01-31T18:37:00.000-08:00

Emily's 6 month post is coming. I haven't forgotten. But for now, I wanted to post an update on our oldest. Tamara is 15, 16 in June. Which here in Utah means, dun dun dun, driver's ed! *queue scary music and screaming* Last Monday I took her down to the dmv and she took her test. To my dismay she indeed passed. ;o) As part if the rules of having your permit, she must get 40 hours of driving experience. While 6 hours can be in class, the other 34 must be outside of class, with 10 hours being night driving. This is exceptionally scary for me as a mom. Partially because I have to be the one to drive with her. Because her dad and I have joint custody, and Jacob is not on the custody papers (they were drawn up well before Jacob and I got married), he can't drive with her. She on occasion drives with her dad, but normally it's me. And in our state it can only be me in the car. No one else. Which means if I am to take her driving, we have to get a sitter for Em if Jacob is working. She is getting better. Her turning is still really scary, but so far I have survived several driving sessions with her, without even a scratch to the van. So we're good so far. ;o) Tamara just recently got to go a theatre conference in St. George which she loved! She is seriously considering going to Dixie State when she graduates from high school. This works for me as her other choice right now is UCLA. That would have her way too far from home. Dixie State is 4 hours away, so she would still be "going away" to school, but she would still be within a reasonable driving distance. She wants to major in Drama, and possibly become a drama teacher. She is also going to be trying out for a spot on her high school drama team for regionals. And she has just joined the track team and she is taking photography this semester. She is doing great in school and is very happily getting ready for the sweethearts dance next week with her boyfriend Spencer who is a really sweet guy. And to top it off, she is planning her sweet sixteen (she's thinking black light party, or a kid theme with bounce house type stuff, although she is leaning heavily toward the black light). I can't beleive she is growing up so quickly and that she will be off to college in less then 3 years. I watch Emily grow up, and I watch her learn new things and I long for the days that Tamara was learning those same things. Because I was a single mom while Tamara was little I worked a lot, and I missed out on so much. I was there for all her big firsts, her first words, her first steps, etc. But, I wasn't there for the every day, day to day learning like I am with Emily. That makes me sad. But it reminds me to cherish not only every moment I have with Emily, but every moment I have with Tamara now. I can't back those days I had to work and wasn't there for when she started learning to crawl, but I can be here now. I got to be there for her first high school dance, and take her shopping for her dress and shoes for sweethearts. I get to be here for when she graduates high school and goes off to college, and I get to be here for the day to day now. So I'm going to cherish every moment I can. Sorry for the randomness of this post. I just had to brag on my not so little baby who is growing up way too fast.

It's Final!!! (Sort of)

2011-01-27T22:44:00.000-08:00

I know I need to do Emily's 6 month post. (Can you beleive she is 6 months!) But I wanted to write about what we did today.

Last week I got a call from our most awesome lawyer. Dean Ellis is his name. If you are in Utah and need an adoption attorney, look no further. Dean rocks! Seriously! He was on vacation in southern Utah (seriously, it was freezing here, gorgeous weather there, can you blame him. I was a little jealous, I'll admit it). Anywho, Dean had a court date for us. It was today. I couldn't beleive it! Well, we went to court today and found out (per the most awesome judge we had) we actually could not finalize today. Before you can finalize in our state, it has to be 6 months after placement. Placement should have been July 27th. So we should have been able to finalize today. But because Emily was in the hospital for a week, and because of Kristina's long, horrible, labor, that resulted in a c-section, and Kristina herself having some health issues after delivery, Kristina wasn't able to sign until August 2nd. So technically we couldn't finalize until around the 2nd or 3rd of February. It's an oversight. It was no ones fault. It happens. This is why a friend told me, that you shouldn't schedule your temple sealing for the same weekend you are set to finalize the adoption. (Especially if like us, you have people who may be coming in from out of town.) That, and court could always be rescheduled, this is part of the reason why our sealing isn't until the 19th of Feb. I wanted to give leeway if we needed it. Turns out we did.

When we found out we couldn't finalize today we were also told we may need to come back next week. Our awesome lawyer talked to the judge who allowed us to go ahead and be sworn in, give testimony today, and sign papers today. So here's how it went down.

We made it downtown in really good time (20 minutes, which is awesome in rush hour traffic! And I didn't break a single traffic law to get us there. :D). We found the courthouse, parked, went up to the courtroom and waited outside. Dean got there shortly after we did and took us into a private room to go over the paperwork with us. We were then brought in to the courtroom to find out that the judge would be meeting with us in her chambers.

(Jacob and Emily waiting to go into the courtroom)

We got back there and found out the judge wasn't in yet. So we were taken into the jury room to have a seat until she was ready for us. It was there that we found out that we couldn't finalize today. I'll be honest, my heart dropped a little. We were then taken into the judges chambers. I don't know what I was expecting. But whatever it was, it wasn't what I found. We walked in and the room was very inviting. Sitting behind the desk was a very sweet, pretty woman in a business type outfit. I was surprised she didn't have on robes. Then I realized she wanted to put us at ease. She certainly did. There was some joking and I was pleasently surprised to find out that not only is she an adoptive mom as well, but her daughters name is Emily too. How funny! We took our seats and were sworn in. She was going to allow us to give testimony and sign the forms so we didn't have to come back. She would sign on the 3rd and file the paperwork then. So our adoption will actually be final on the 3rd, but all the paperwork is done.

Anyhow, after we were sworn in I was asked some questions. I had heard about some of the questions, so I thought I was prepared, but truth be told, I was still emotional. Questions like,

"Do you understand that by entering into this adoption today, it will be irrevocable?"

"You've have 6 months of taking care of this baby, do you feel that she is a good fit for your family?"

"Do you feel that you are able to care for this child, financially, spiritually, physically?"

"You understand that by adopting this child, that she will be as if she was your natural child, like she was born to you?"

In all, there were about 15 questions that I was asked. Then Jacob was asked a few questions. Afterwards the judge declared that once she signed the papers on the 3rd, that her findings would be that it is in the best interests of Emily to be adopted by us. That she would be legally our child, as if she was born to us. It was surreal. After the proceedings we talked a little more, she showed us pictures of her kids. We talked about how her son is into photography as well. She applauded my choice of camera. She is a Canon person as well when it comes to cameras. Then she posed for a picture with us.

(from left to right: Jacob, Me, Emily, Judge Atherton)

The judge then put her robes on and headed to the courtroom to start her regular day. Our lawyer led us downstairs the back way so that we wouldn't disrupt the court. Once we got downstairs I realized we hadn't gotten a picture of Dean. So he was kind enough to pose for a photo with a very tired Emily.

(Dean Ellis, a.k.a., the most rockin' awesomest adoption attorney around! Holding our sweet Emily.)

Emily fell asleep on the drive home so when we got home she was all smiles. Here is a picture of Emily in her oh so cute dress that Tamara picked out for the occasion. (Tamara was at school in case you were wondering.)

(Our Girl after court today January 27, 2011)

So it's not technically official, but she's ours!!! I didn't think it would matter. I mean, to us, Emily has been our daughter since day 1. But to be honest, to have it recognized legally, that she's ours. It's a really HUGE deal! Next stop, the temple! YAY!!

At last!

2011-01-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

It's funny that last night I posted about waiting for our phone call with our date. Because this afternoon, guess what we got? YAY!!! We will officially and legally become Emily's mom & dad next week! It will be a big week for us since she also turns 6 months old next week as well. We are sooooo excited! We are looking at mid- Feb. for the temple sealing and blessing. I can't wait till the day we get to walk up to this gorgeous building with our baby girl and have her sealed to us as our daughter for eternity. Very soon!

Waiting.......

2011-01-18T00:46:00.000-08:00

Adoption is full of waiting. Waiting to be approved, waiting to be chosen, waiting for baby to come, waiting for placement.....

Right now, we're waiting....... Waiting for a phone call...... Emily is almost 6 months old. She will be 6 months next Wednesday, so in just over a week. In our state you can finalize your adoption after 6 months of the child being in your home. Even though our adoption is a family member adoption, we still are required to wait 6 months. Any day now we should be getting a call with our finalization date at the courts. I'm getting anxious. Trying to keep myself busy. Our cousin adopted a baby boy last year. She said to keep ourselves busy because the waiting will drive us crazy. Jacob is busy with work, school, the reserves, his church calling, our latest home improvement project. Me? I'm plenty busy. Tamara is starting driver's ed tomorrow (well, today actually since it 2a.m. on Tuesday), and she's joining the track team at her school. So I'm busy with all of that, plus Emily is growing so much. I'm busy with church callings (yes, I said callings, I have a few), making cakes and other things for various committments I have, helping to plan the adoption retreat in March, and so many other things, but yet, some how, that phone call is all I can think about.

I am in no way complaining. So many I know are still waiting for the phone call that they have been chosen. And if it weren't for Kristina, I have no doubt we would still be waiting as well. I have other friends whose babies were born after Emily, as in a month + after her. But they have their court date already. We have a fabulous lawyer, so it is in no way his fault that we don't have our date yet. The circumstances with Emily's birthfather are different, so that took some extra paperwork on our lawyers part. Who knows why we are still waiting. The scenerios are whats getting to me. Wondering if something went wrong. We are so close to Emily officially becoming ours. I didn't think it would matter to me. To me, she has always been our daughter. I thought it would just be paperwork. No big deal. The closer we get though, the more anxious I am. The more I am realizing it does matter. It matters a whole lot. It is a big deal. Like I said, to me, she has been my daughter, and I her mother. But to have the law recognize that.... It. is. a. big. deal. But, I still worry.... Until we are in court and the judge signs the papers, I think I will continue to worry. That's just who I am. And so..... we wait......

Adoptive Couples Retreat!

2011-01-15T00:58:00.000-08:00

How exciting is this! Seriously! I can't wait for this event! It's gonna be fabulous! (And not just cause I'm on the committee. ;o) That has nothing to do with it, despite my involvment, it will be rockin' awesome!)

Here are the current details:

When: March 18-19th
18th: 6:00 pm-whenever we get tired. (no childcare but feel free to bring your kids) 19th: 9:30 am - about 1:00

Where: Hampton Inn and Suites in Orem (right off I-15 across from UVU)
(It will be in the conference room. If you need somewhere to stay you can stay here. Make sure to tell them you are with the retreat. If you can't afford it email me and I have several people who are willing to lend their houses out)

What:
Friday : Mix and Mingle (this was one of my favorite parts of last year! Share your stories and get to know eachother; also first chance to buy raffle tickets)

Saturday:
9:30 - Breakfast, Welcome, Keynote by Lindsey Redfern
10:15 - Adoptive Couple Panel (1 foster care-Jennifer Larkin, 1 domestic adoption Mr. Rowley, 1 international adoption- Ashley Hansen Bigler)
11:30-Lunch (during lunch we will have a speaker, and adoptee named Alex Rowley)
12:00 - Birthmother Panel
12:45- Raffle

Again. You do not have to have already adopted, really anyone interested in learning about adoption is welcome. You also are not required to come with a spouse.

PLEASE RSVP to birthmothers4adoption@gmail.com by February 18th. If there is someone who needs to RSVP late that is okay...its just easier for planning if you RSVP early.

Also we need to get a 15 dollar deposit to paypal (if you don't have it email me) by Feb 18th as well so we can reserve a few of the things.

For up to date info, check out the blog here!

Christmas picture 2010

2011-01-14T20:21:00.000-08:00

Christmas was amazing. It was so great to be a family of 4. Not only were there 4 of us here for Christmas, but there were actually 10 of us Christmas day at our house. My brother Matt was here, my nephew Jamie was here from Maryland. He is coming out to UT for college after graduation so he was coming to tour the campus of his new school, and we got to play host to him while he was here. I hadn't seen him since he was a baby and Jacob, Tammy and of course Emily, had never met him. But it was so great to have him here. But, that's not all for guests. We also had my dad, stepmom, Kristina (Em's birthmom and my little sister), and David (my little brother) here to celebrate Em's first Christmas. I will post more about it later because Em is tired and needs her bottle so she can go to sleep for the night. But for now I wanted to share our Christmas photo from this last Christmas. So here you go! I am also including this years Christmas card since I never got it sent out. oops!

4 & 5 month updates!

2011-01-07T12:18:00.000-08:00

So much has been going on, yet life is blissfully normal. I have so much to say, yet my brain is having a freezing moment and I can't thinking of what to write. I had a sweet comment on my Formspring the other day saying that my posting is missed. Seriously, I figured that I was talking to myself out in blog land. Well, that and my mom, because my mom reads my blog. HI MOM! But other then that, I figured I was talking to myself. Nice to know I'm not.

I realized that I never posted Emily's 4 month update, or her 5 month update, so we'll go for a two for one and I'll do both.

Emily at 4 month's learning the art of texting from big sister Tamara. ;o)

In the last two months Emily has grown a lot. At her 4 month check up she was 16 lbs. 11 oz. and 26 inches long. At an appt. on the 27th to check her meds for her reflux she was 18 lbs. 7.5 oz. She fits 6-9 months and is starting to outgrow that size as well. Her doctor told us we could start her on solids, so we have so far done peas, carrots, applesauce (big mistake, don't do applesauce if you have a baby with reflux!), green beans and of course baby cereal. I have been making my own baby food, which has been a fun experience. Next week, sweet potatoes! Emily has rolled from her tummy to her back several times, and can roll from her back to her tummy but doesn't like to. She scoots around when she is on her back which is funny. When we lay her on her tummy she is starting to try to figure out how to move. She still loves to kick, and she loves to laugh. She is a definate momma's girl, but doesn't give smiles to anyone like she does to her big sister. She is in size 3 diapers and sleeps through the night most nights. Since we brought her home we have had to put her in her bouncy chair to sleep. We recently got a crib wedge so she can sleep elevated. I put her in her crib for the first time last night. She didn't sleep for more than a couple of hours, but she had also slept a lot yesterday, so that may have had something to do with it. She is teething but no teeth have broken through yet. She has recently started pressing her lips together when she doesn't want something like her meds, or more food or her binky. It's really funny and I try not to laugh when she does it because then she'll think it's funny and keep doing it, but it's so hard not to laugh. She keeps us all laughing and is an all around happy baby. Emily hasn't really talked yet, but she coo's alot. And her new favorite thing to do is blow raspberries. Silly girl!

Emily at 5 months, the day after Christmas.

We are now less than a month away from being able to finalize Em's adoption and we can't wait! A court date has been requested and we're just waiting to hear more.

Adoption month contest winners!

2010-12-01T10:38:00.000-08:00

I apologize again for not posting for so long. I know there are a couple of your blog readers who are anxious to know who won the contests. I promise the other posts I had planned for last week will happen. But for now, here are the contest winners:

For the photo session with Kim Nevels Photography offered by my awesome friend Kim to anyone touched by adoption in the Phoenix AZ area, the winners are:

Megan & Shane of The Arizonia Experiment!!! Megan & Shane are the proud parents of 3 children through the miracle of adoption. Their first miracle is their son, then their oldest daughter joined them, and just this past week, on Thanksgiving Day, how perfect is that, their youngest, newest, miracle, their second daughter joined their family. And get this, their son, and their newest addition, have the same amazing angel birthmother. No doubt they will be using their winning photo session to capture moments as a new family of 5! Congratulations Megan & Shane!!

And now, the not 1, but 2 photo sessions from Jessalyn at Memories Remixed, for anyone touched by adoption in the Utah area, the winners are:

Angie & Clayton of The Blessings of Adoption!! Angie & Clayton are blessed by adoption two times over. Their first blessing is the cutest little man ever! Seriously, if you have seen pictures of him, you know what I mean. His smile is awesome. And his new little brother, who is only a few weeks younger then my Emily, rivals his brother in cuteness. Congratulations Angie & Clayton!!

And now, for the winner of not only the 2nd of Jessa's photo sessions, but also the winner of the blog redesign for a hoping to adopt couple offered by the ever so generous Crystal from Envision Image Design:

Ron & Jessica of Two Lions & an Archer!! Ron & Jessica were blessed with their first little cutie through the miracle of adoption in 2008. Now they are looking to add a new little cutie to their family. Their journey, along with the journies of all my winners, is amazing. If you have a moment, check out their blogs and read them. :) Congratulations Ron & Jessica!!

Now, if you are wondering how Ron & Jessica were able to win both contests, or why I didn't post their finalists stories for you to vote on, well, Ron & Jessica were 1 of 2 entries in both contests. The other entry in the blog redesign contest withdrew after winning on another blog. Nevertheless, although I don't know much about Ron & Jessica, after reading their journey, I think you will agree, they are very deserving of both wins. Congrats you guys! And congrats to all the winners!!!

Apologies

2010-11-30T12:00:00.001-08:00

I apologize for not posting for the last week. Life just got away from me. From family emergencies to doing a tree for the festival of trees I haven't had time to breathe let alone do anything else. But I will be posting soon with the names of all the contest giveaway winners. So stay tuned!

How do you explain family adoption?

2010-11-21T22:23:00.000-08:00

If you have been a long time reader of my blog, you know that our journey to adoption started years ago. When we began our journey we in no way thought that our child's birthmom would be someone we knew, let alone were related to.

Now that she is here though, I couldn't see it being any other way. Emily will be able to grow up with me as her mom, and Jacob as her dad, and Tamara as her sister. But she will have her Kristina. I have been asked many times if we will tell Emily who her birthmom is. Of course we will. We actually already do. We tell everyone who Emily's birthmom is. It's not something we hide or ever will. When Kristina called us I asked her what she wanted Emily to call her. She said that she was fine with Emily calling me mom, and Jacob dad, because we are her parents. And that she wants Emily to call her Aunt Kristina (or Auntie Tina) and that she is ok with Emily knowing she is her birthmom. We will tell Emily that mommy's tummy was broken, and I couldn't carry anymore children, but that she was so special Heavenly Father knew she needed to come to our family, and that he chose a very special way for her to come. He chose a very special person who carried Emily in her tummy and kept her safe. Although Emily is too young to understand, in a way I think she knows how special her Tina is. I mean, look at how she looks at Kristina:

They will have a relationship like no other. And I love that. I love adoption.

Repost: What NOT to say to a birthmom

2010-11-20T15:50:00.000-08:00

This is a repost from last year. In trying to figure out what to blog about today, I remembered this post, and thought it worth repeating:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This first one is from Andee:

What NOT to say to a Birth Mom

(To see Andee's full post, click on the link above)

1. Don't say things like: "Why didn't/don't you just give me the baby? Obviously you don't want 'it'"
There is little that someone could say to me that would offend me more than this statement. The funniest part about this, is that the first girl that said this to me was 18 years old and still senior in high school at the time. I was so angry with her that I let her know how much she offended me and was quite blunt. Usually I don't tell someone when I've been offended by them... She hasnt' talked to me since.

2. Don't say "Well I had my child out of wedlock and parented as a single parent...and they turned out just fine."
in other words you might as well say, "I can't belive you placed your child for adoption in a home with BOTH parents. That was seriously the wrong decision and I have less respect for you because of it." If you do not agree with my decision to place, either ASK QUESTIONS about why I placed...nicely...instead of being downright rude, or keep your opinions to yourself. If you ask me questions, I will be more than happy to honestly answer. I want more than anything to educate those people that are not aware of the miracle of adoption on THE MIRACLE OF ADOPTION.

Anyone that knows the truth about adoption, can't have negative feelings towards it. I don't see how that is possible. However, there is opposition in all things so I guess you never know.

3. don't say: "I can't believe you gave your baby away"
First off, I didn't 'give Avery away' I placed her for adoption. There is a difference. A huge difference. and Second, giving something away means giving it to someone that you (most likely) don't know and never wanting anything to do with it again. That's not the case. I knew Dustin and Andrea well before I placed Avery into their arms, to be adopted by them, so that she could have a family to be sealed to and two parents in the same home that love each other. AND I definitely want A LOT to do with Avery. That is why this is an open adoption. I love her more than anything and I always ALWAYS want to know how she is doing.

4. If you are married, pregnant and parenting this baby, do NOT complain to a birthmother OR an infertile couple, about your pregnancy.
Don't complain about how long you have to wait or how uncomfortable you are because I can GUARANTEE that when you DO complain to these people, you are causing much grief emotionally on their end. When I was pregnant, I complained about how long it was taking because I knew I wasn't getting anything in the end except more pain and heartache. I want more than anything to be able to create my own child and carry him/her for nine months and THEN parent him/her after he/she is born. It's hard to explain, but it's very hard to hear an expectant mother complain to me about how miserable she is. I just want to strangle her when she does and I'm sure infertile mothers feels the same way. I just want to say to her "At least this is YOUR child and you're not going to be dealing with incredible emotional pain after she is born."

5. Don't complain about being a mother
I'm sure this goes for adoptive parents too. I know that when the time is right for me to have my own kids, I will be so eternally grateful that I can be their mother. I will cherish every moment with them. So don't complain to me about how hard motherhood is. It's harder to give birth to your child and then willingly relinquish your rights as a mother. Until you have done that, don't complain.

6. Don't say "There are people out there who have it worse than you"
Frankly, this shouldn't be said about ANY trial a person is going through regardless of what it is. Saying that does NOT make the pain any easier. Saying that to someone is completely belittling their trial and that is SO wrong to do. I'm sure the person going through it doesn't think they have it worse than everyone else in this world, I know I don't. But it still hurts. Belittling it does not make them feel any better in fact for me, it makes me feel worse.

7. Don't treat someone placing their child for adoption as 'not that big of a deal'
I heard a story the other day. A good friend of mine had just BARELY placed and she was showing her coworkers pictures of her. One of them walked up to her and said "Cute baby, too bad you gave her away." and then walked away. WOW. That's SOO insensitive. Apparantly this person has NO idea what she had just gone through.

This next one is by Jill:

How to Irritate a Birth Mom
(To see Jill's full post, click on the link above)

1. “Didn’t you want her?”
“Are you serious?” is how I always want to respond to this. I don’t know a single birth mother who didn’t want her baby. I wanted Roo more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. If I had to choose between breathing and Roo, Roo would win every time. I wanted her, and I do want her, and I love her. But this wasn’t about me or what I wanted. It couldn’t be. It had to be about what was best for Roo, and adoption was it.

2. “I could never do that.”
This one is infamous in the adoption world. I think this of all statements is the one that most would consider harmless. But when I hear that, I want to ask, “Why? Why couldn’t you do that? Wouldn’t you want the best for your baby?” So often the tone in which it is said implies that the birth mother has erred or acted impulsively or been careless, or that she did it because she doesn’t love her child. Adoption is not a choice made lightly or impulsively, and it is certainly not made because of a lack of love. Adoption *is* love. As my friend Tamra says, if I’d loved my baby just an ounce less, I would have kept her. I placed her because I love her.
I also liked Tamra’s advice to me on dealing with this comment. She said to tell people, “No, you probably couldn’t,” in a tone that implies that I am a much stronger person than they are.

If you would say to a birth mom, “I could never do that” to try to tell her that you admire her strength and courage, consider phrasing it differently. Just tell her that you admire her strength and courage and that you can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her.

3. “I’m sure you did what was best for you.”
Someone actually said this to me and I wanted to hurt them. Does anyone really, truly believe that I chose adoption for my sake? It wasn’t best for me. What was best for me was keeping and parenting the daughter I loved so very much. Placing her was hell for me, certainly not best for me. If it was about me, I’d still be a single mother. I did what was best for Roo. Period.

4. “Will she call you mom when she’s older?”
Of course not. Why would she? I’m not her mother. M is her mother. She can call me whatever she wants to. “Jill” would work just fine.

5. “Won’t she be confused about who her mom is, having you in her life?”
Well, let’s see. One of us will feed her, dress her, bathe her, read to her, sing songs with her, play with her, teach her, give her hugs and kisses and tend to her boo-boos and take her to primary and listen when she talks and make sure she’s happy and healthy and smart, be married to Roo’s father and live in the same home, in short, be her mother; and one of us will … visit from time to time. Nope, sorry, I don’t see any confusion there.

Roo will know that she grew in my tummy before she was born, and that I made sure she got to her mommy and daddy. I don’t think she will ever, for a second, be confused about exactly who is her mother.

Going along with that question, people will opine that openness must surely mess with a child’s identity and sense of self. Well, how on earth does having more people in Roo’s life who love her, mess with her? You can’t spoil a child with love. Roo has two families who love her. She will know exactly who she is. Studies show that open adoption is mutually beneficial. All members of the adoption triad find peace and joy in openness.

6. “Oh, you took the easy way out.”
This is another statement that makes me want to hurt the speaker. There hasn’t been a single easy thing about adoption. I didn’t place Roo because being her mother was too hard. Being a mother wasn’t something I wanted out of! What was hard was placing her for adoption. I have never felt sorrow and despair so deep as I did when I drove home from LDSFS without Roo in the car. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and the pain nearly undid me. Don’t think for one second that adoption is the easy way out. It’s not easy and it’s not an out.

7. “Well, now that she’s been adopted, you can get back to being young and having fun.”
Oh, honestly. I couldn’t believe it when someone said that to me. Did they really think that I placed Roo because she was interfering with my social life? I would take Roo over fun and youth in a second. But I can’t have Roo. So I go out with friends instead. That doesn’t mean I placed her so I could go out and have fun.

8. “You made the right decision.” (said with an air of judgmental superiority)
Well, thanks. I’m sure glad to know that you thought I made the wrong decision when I single parented for nine weeks. And thanks for judging me and deciding what’s right for me and my baby, too. Because that was totally your call to make.
Adoption was the right decision for Roo, but not right away, and I don’t think that it’s the right decision for everyone. When someone says this to me, I wonder what they say to single mothers, women who chose parenting over adoption. “You made the wrong decision”? How rude and judgmental!

Yes, I made the right decision for Roo. But the rightness of it was for me to determine, and I don’t need anyone else to confirm it for me.

9. “You know, you could have sold her for millions! People will pay a killing for a healthy white baby.”
People will say this jokingly, but it always makes me sick. A child is not a commodity to be bought and sold. I didn’t place her for any kind of physical gain and I never, ever would. No one should. Period.

10. “Will she know that you’re her real mom?”
Sorry, I’m not her “real” mom. M is. And what’s a real mom, anyway? I didn’t place Roo with a family of cardboard cutouts. Calling me Roo’s real mom implies that M is … what, her fake mom? Uh-uh. I am Roo’s birth mother, not her real mother. Same goes for the phrase “natural mother.” What constitutes an unnatural mother? There’s a lot of negative adoption language out there I’d like to change, like …

11. “Oh, what made you decide to give your baby away?”
Excuse me, but I didn’t give her away. I didn’t put up an ad on Craigslist, “I’m giving away my baby, does anyone want her?” I placed her for adoption, but I certainly didn’t and wouldn’t ever give her away. I gave her a family. People who ask this question always want to know when P and M will tell Roo that she’s “not really theirs.” That’s funny. I was under the impression that she was really theirs. Hmm. That’s news to me! Whose is she then?

Thank you Andee and Jill for letting me share your posts. I love What Jill said at the end of her list. She said: " And for the record, I think the best thing to say to a birth mother is, “What a brave woman you are. You must love your baby so much to have done that for her.” And leave it at that, folks, unless she wants to talk."

Both are wonderful posts and you should definately take the time to read them both. Birth Mothers are amazing, wonderful, absolutely incredible women who we as adoptive parents, or in mine and hubby's case, hopeful adoptive parents, owe so much to. Birth Mother's deserve to be treated with respect and love. Everyone does of course, but ecspecially Birth Mother's.

Spreading The Word

2010-11-19T13:02:00.000-08:00

I thought today I would cover different ideas on how to spread the word on your hope to adopt.

One way is Pass-A-Long cards. Pass-A-Long cards are just what they sound like. They are cards, that you pass-a-long. ;o) They are normally business card size, sometimes bigger. They normally have a picture or two of your family, sometimes a message about your hope to adopt, and normally include information about where to contact you, your agency profile, a blog, etc.. Spaces For Faces is a great resource for these handy little cards. We got ours printed from them. The quality is fabulous, and the price was awesome. We already had our card designed, but Jill at Spaces For Faces was more then happy to print them for us. She can also do a custom design for you if you don't already have them designed. I'm sure there are other places you could get them done, I just don't know any others. But, what's so great about pass-a-long cards is you can pass them out to anyone and everyone. Leave some at a doctors office, send them to friends and family when you send your Christmas Cards, asking them to carry them with them and hand them out to anyone they may know who is considering adoption. I've even heard of people who give them to cashiers at the grocery store or waitresses at restuarants. The point is to get the word out there about your hope to adopt. Pass-a-long cards provide an easy, no obligation way for a prospective birthparent to find out your information and a little about you. If you don't think pass-a-long cards work, you obviously haven't read Que & Brittany's story on how their son's birthmom found them. You can read that here. My friend Angie is running a contest on her blog through tomorrow where a hoping to adopt family can enter to win 500 custom designed pass-a-long cards! Check out that contest here.

Another thing you can do to help spread the word is tell everyone! Everyone and anyone. I know some couples choose not to say anything, and that's fine. For us, if we had decided not to say anything, who knows if we would have been chosen. But because we told everyone, and we gave our pass-a-long cards, it was fresh in everyone's minds. So when Kristina found out she was pregnant and started considering adoption, we were the first family she thought of. Tell everyone people! Not to mention, my friend Sara and her husband Issac. Their daughter's birthmom found out about them when she went to the dentist who happened to be a friend of Sara & Issac's and told her about his friends who were hoping to adopt. You can read about that here.

Next, Social Networking. I know, that sounds like a weird suggestion, but it's not. It really works. I'm not promoting any social networking site here, but it's a way for you to spread the word. Take this story for example. This couple posted on Facebook about their hope to adopt. A friend saw that post and posted it on his page. Someone else saw that posting and it eventually led to a birthmom contacting this couple about a little boy she was going to place for adoption.

My last and final suggestion, and there are a lot more then this, but these are the ones I have chosen to highlight, is to have an adoption blog. I know, you're signed up with an agency, why do you need to have an adoption blog. The way I look at it, an adoption blog is a more in depth way for someone who is considering adoption to get to know you. Your agency profile, or parent profiles or what not, only allows so much information. You really don't have the opportunity to tell about your every day lives. And that is what a birthmom would like to hear. They want to know you, what your family life is like, what kind of life and family their child will be apart of. Some of the things you can include are information about each person in your family. Info about your extended families. Places you like to go, things you like to do together. Traditions you have. Pictures of your lives, home, the area where you live. The great thing about doing a blog, is you have control over how much, or how little information is out there. So if you aren't comfortable with having your personal lives out there, don't put it out there. Put basic, unidentifying information. Another helpful thing on your blog is a blog button that others can put on their blog that will link to yours to help you spread the word. And Blog Button's work too. My friend Shauna recently guest blogged about their story, and how they were found when a birthmom's lawyer was looking at his child's blog one day and saw their Gavin & Shauna's button. Here are a few blogs so you can see ideas of what you can do. And yes, these couples are hoping to adopt, so if you know someone who is considering adoption, pass these on. :D

Dustin & Andrea

Matt & Lemira

Karine & Todd

Josh & Lindsey

Issac & Sara

As Brittany put it best though, don't copy another couple's blog or profile. Be yourself.

Don't have an adoption blog and don't know where to start? You have a blog but it's boring and you want to give it some flare but don't know how? Then Don't forget about about my month long contest sponsored by Envision Image Design for a hoping to adopt family. A complete blog redesign. :D The entry deadline has been extended to Tuesday of next week!

Guest Blogger: Emily and Brian's Adoption Journey

2010-11-18T07:17:00.000-08:00

If you don't read any other post this month, I urge you to read this one. I know this sweet couple's journey, and yet reading it in Emily's words, I cried, more then a little. This family's adoption journey is one that will touch your heart. I have posted about Patrick before. Patrick is waiting for a lifesaving transplant. When I asked Emily if she would share their story she immediately said yes. Her hope is that by doing so, it will help shed some light on how wonderful special needs adoption is.

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Ours is not a typical adoption story, because Patrick is not a typical little boy. His life was meant to be something different, something miraculous, and so it required that it start in a very different and miraculous way.

But my part of the story starts the way a lot of others do. We wanted to have children. When that didn't happen easily, we involved doctors. For years, we went through the ups and downs of charting and temperature taking, tests and medications. Finally, after several years and a minor surgery, our doctor sat us down for "the talk." He explained that there were several causes of my infertility. The cards were, essentially, stacked against us. He still felt it very possible that we could have children, but only with major medical intervention. We had some big choices to make.

We talked about it and we prayed about it. And then, that Sunday, as we sat in church, we received a clear answer that it was time for us to stop medical treatments. Our child would come to us through adoption.

With a path finally before us, we moved forward quickly. I've never felt so driven to do anything before in my life. In under a month, we completed the application process, training classes, and were mostly done with our home study.

During our home visit, we had a conversation with our case worker that would play a major part in bringing Patrick into our family. She'd looked at our "preferences checklist" and noted that we seemed more open than most to adopting a child with special needs. We explained that we felt that adoption was a faith process. We believe that Heavenly Father puts families together. We knew we'd never turn away a child born to us with medical problems. So, if God was in charge of adoptions, too, then why would we limit His options? We knew Heavenly Father would help us find our child and that, if the child really belonged in our family, race and health wouldn't stand in the way.

We decided to adopt in June. Our application was approved in September and we hunkered down for a nice long wait. We figured two years, at the least, was the average we'd heard. And still, by the end of October it felt like far too long. My heart ached for a child it knew was missing.

Then, on a very snowy morning the first week of November, my phone rang. It was my case worker. She started out by saying, "There was a little boy born on Halloween in Michigan." My heart skipped a beat. I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and started scribbling notes. She told me he was Korean. And then, she went on to tell me that he'd had a birth defect. His intestines had developed on the outside of his abdomen. The doctors were saying he had a life expectancy of 1 to 2 years. They needed to find an adoptive home quickly because doctors wanted to discharge him from the hospital. All she could tell me about his family that his birth mother wanted him to be able to go to the temple to be sealed to a family.

She said she'd send an e-mail with more information and a picture. She encouraged me to talk to Brian and decide if we'd like to be among those families considered to adopt this little boy, and then to call her and let her know.

As soon as I gathered myself, I called Brian. But he wasn't at his desk. Meanwhile, two e-mails arrived. One was a short paragraph from the baby's caseworker in Michigan explaining his medical needs and the unconventional and hurried search for parents. In the other were two photographs of a sweet little Korean boy with great big eyes and an IV in his head.

Since Brian wasn't at his desk, I called the insurance company to find out if this we even had coverage to pay for this kind of medical problem.

That's how Brian first found out about the offer. While I was on hold with the insurance company, he called back on my cell phone, so he heard me finish the conversation about "preexisting conditions" and "adoption".

I gave Brian the information and, after a quick moment of thought, he said he'd come right home.

We had a prayer together, then went to the temple - the perfect setting to make decisions about life and death and eternity.

I knew that families are eternal. I knew that mortality is not the end of life. And yet, I was filled with grief. It was as if I'd just been told I was carrying a child with a terminal illness, but he wasn't even mine yet. And I was scared. I didn't know if I was ready to leave the life I knew then.. abandon it all, and become mom to a child who would need so much help, and who had such an uncertain future.

Still, when Brian turned to me and said, "I think we should pursue this," my heart leapt with joy.

So, we called our caseworker and gave her a list of questions we had. And then we went to visit our parents. We felt we should tell them about the offer, because we knew that whatever happened, we were never going to be the same. And we both wanted father's blessings. We showed them the little boy with the angel eyes and explained that we didn't know if he was ours.. But from that moment, all of our families were praying for a little boy whom the e-mail called "Patrick."

That was Wednesday. Thursday, I sent a copy of our profile. Friday afternoon, as I on my lunch break with Brian, our case worker called my cell phone. The birth family had seen our profile and had chosen us to adopt their baby.

Now, we had a choice to make. Because we'd been selected, we could finally start filling in the gaps in the medical information we were getting. And boy, where there gaps! We called the baby's caseworker, who referred us to the hospital social worker. Finally, we decided we needed to talk to doctors, and we needed to do it face to face.

I called my mom and told her to take my credit card and buy airplane tickets. Then, I went back to work, explained what had happened, and asked for a leave of absence. After that, we went to the adoption agency where we signed pre-placement paperwork required for us see the baby in the hospital.

Friday night, we tried to get ready. We booked a long-term stay hotel room. We faxed legal documents to Michigan. We make a shopping list of nursery items. And we tried to pack.

I packed my bags that night not knowing what exactly I was packing for. We still didn't know enough to say if we could take care of this baby. We didn't know if or when he'd be discharged. We didn't know how long it would take before we'd be given permission to leave the state again.

And yet, Saturday morning as I sat on a plane to Detroit, 10 rows ahead of my husband, I felt a quiet, happy calm. If nothing else, I knew it would be ok.

We met Patrick, his family, and his doctor Saturday night. It wasn't what we expected. Due to unforeseen problems, things were tense at the hospital when we arrived. We felt like we knew nothing at all about his condition when we heard the doctor's account. His case was much more severe than we'd understood, but the immediate prognosis was better.

At last, they led us to his room. My first impression was of how small he was. He was SO tiny! Just a little ball with wires and tubes attached. Without them, you'd have never guessed there was anything wrong.

They let me hold him while we talked. He felt so small and fragile.

I thought that the moment I met my baby, or the moment I held him, that I'd know he was mine. But that isn't what happened for me. There were too many questions, still and I'd have to wait for that confirmation.

Sunday, we arranged to spend the day with Patrick. The nurses were so kind to let us change his diapers and help with other aspects of his care. I sat for hours singing him lullabies and watching monitors and letting him sleep.

When we arrived, the nurses warned us that he had a reputation as a very irritable little boy. There was even a sign on his door warning not to wake him. He was famous for screaming hysterically if his sleep was interrupted. But that's not the baby I met. He was just a sweet, tiny little boy who wanted to be held.

I remember singing to him: "I am a child of God, and he has sent me here. Has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear." And my voice choked on the words because I knew that right at that moment, Patrick didn't have that. I couldn't imagine how any little boy could go through all he'd need to go through alone.

That night, as we looked at pictures from the day, I came across one that showed just his face with a white background. I knew, when I saw that picture, that I loved him.. and I wanted to keep him.

Monday morning, we held a "family conference." It was a business day so we finally had been able to confirm that there were doctors to take care of him at our hospital at home. Our insurance confirmed that he'd be covered. Brian needed to hop on a plane to go back to work. (He was running a conference that week.) So, knowing we had the resources to provide for his physical needs, we asked Patrick if he'd like to be a part of our family. I swear, he looked up at Brian and smiled.

The case worker rushed to the hospital and by 1, we'd signed paperwork, and I was on my way to the airport with my husband. I was staying behind to start a whole new life.

The next few weeks in Michigan are among the sweetest of my life. With nothing else to do but hold my new baby and learn to care for him, I virtually lived in the NICU. My mom came for a week and shared with me in Patrick's first feeding, first bath, and first time wearing real clothes. This time was also some of the hardest I'd experienced as I received a trial by fire as a mom of a child with major health problems. Patrick had his second surgery the day Brian flew back to be with us.

Two weeks after we signed papers, on my birthday, the birth parents appeared in court, and we were named as Patrick's legal guardians. A week later, we had permission to bring him home. At 4 a.m. Thanksgiving day, Patrick and I arrived at Primary Children's Hospital by air ambulance. He'd spend the next few weeks there as the doctors here got to know him and made arrangements for us to take care of him at home.

Because of his medical needs, the courts granted an early finalization of his adoption and we were able to take Patrick to the temple to be sealed as a forever family in February when he was just 4 months old.

Patrick just turned 2. He is an active, happy toddler who loves cars and music and Elmo. He is a living miracle! Patrick's birth defect came with a rare complication. As a result, at birth he was missing over 95% of his small intestine. Without intestine, he doesn't get nutrition by eating. In fact, eating large amounts puts him at risk for dehydration and bowel obstruction. Instead, he is entirely dependent on a form of IV nutrition called TPN. He has a permanent IV tunneled through his chest, into a vein in his chest or neck that runs to his heart.

The TPN leads to complications like infection and liver disease. In his short 2 years of life he has already struggled with both. Patrick's doctors warned us before we adopted him that we'd become such regulars in the E.R. that we'd be on a first name basis with the staff. We soon found that to be true not just for the E.R. staff, but also the IV team, the infectious disease team, the PICU team, most of the residents, several of the medical students, and the entire gastroenterology department.

At 9 months old, as a result of infection, Patrick's heart stopped. The fact that he is alive now is nothing short of a miracle. No doctor who hears his story and then meets him can help but confess that he has beaten the odds in countless ways.

Patrick will eventually need an intestinal transplant. He is already running out of places to put new IV's and each new infection makes him a little more fragile.

Since they don't do intestinal transplants where we live, we have chosen to have Patrick listed at Seattle Children's Hospital. Patrick has been on the waiting list since April of 2009. He is status 1A and will have his transplant is soon as a donor match is found.

People try to tell us sometimes what a tremendous thing we did in adopting Patrick. We don't really feel it's something we can take credit for. As we told our caseworker when this all started, Heavenly Father puts families together. He knew Patrick needed us. And what's more, He knew we needed Patrick.

Raising Patrick has taught us more about life than any other experience. We have learned to rely entirely on the Lord. We have learned to live each moment to it's fullest. We have learned to lean on one another when things are hard and we to trust in hands of friends and strangers when we felt too weak to stand on our own. And we have learned to love like we didn't know it was possible to love.

To read more of our story, or to learn how you can help make another miracle for Patrick, please visit www.patrickhoopes.com

Giveaway Reminder: Blog Redesign for a hoping to adopt family

2010-11-17T15:47:00.001-08:00

Just a quick reminder, don't forget about the month long contest from Envision Image Design. Crystal is so generously donating a Complete Blog Redesign for a hoping to adopt family. This redesign will include a Custom Background, Slide Show Header, and Custom Buttons to help you spread the word on your hope to adopt.

The entry deadline for this contest has been extended to November 23, 2010 at 11:59 p.m. Mountain Time.

All you need to do is email me, at jandscrown at yahoo dot com. Include your name, email address, and a short summary about your adoption journey and why you would like a blog redesign.

5 finalists will be picked by Crystal and myself, and then it will go to a vote. You, my readers will vote on the winner.

And don't forget about this weeks giveaway offered by Jessalyn. A photo session for not 1, but 2 families touched by adoption. Go here for details on that.

Guest Blogger: Gavin and Shauna's Adoption Journey

2010-11-17T11:43:00.000-08:00

I think it was in May, I could be wrong, but I think it was in May when I got a message from a sweet lady by the name of Shauna, on Adoption Voices asking me if I would add her blog button to my blog. I very happily agreed. We became friends, and then started chatting on Facebook. We have shared in the joys, and ups and downs of adoption, the waiting game and now motherhood. When I asked Shauna if she would share her journey of how her little man joined her family, she happily agreed. Thank you Shauna for sharing!

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Ok, so like most adoptive couples our story spans over several years of trying to get pregnant on our own. After being married 2 years we moved into a ward where there are quite a few families with adopted children. I didn’t think anything of it at first, but now I definitely know that Heavenly Father placed us in that ward for a reason.

After 4 years of fertility testing we stopped trying. We needed a break, bad. Trying to have a baby that long definitely takes a toll on you emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. During that time I had to opportunity to be a Visiting Teacher for a woman who adopted and whose son adopted as well. The story of her first grandchild’s adoption brought tears to my eyes. I remember saying something to the affect of “Families are supposed to be together, no matter how they come together.” I didn’t think anything of it at the time.

Five days later, Gavin and I were having Family Home Evening. At the end, he got serious and said he wanted to talk to me about something. That definitely scared me, he’s normally not so somber! ;)

He said that for the past year-ish he’d been feeling like we needed to look into adoption. I was shocked. I felt like considering adoption was closing the door on possibly getting pregnant. I wasn’t ready for the finality of that. It hurt. Bad. I made myself open my heart and my mind to consider it. The words I had spoken only five days ago came back into my mind. I had to stop and ask myself if I believed what I had said. I decided I did. We prayed about adoption that night together and both felt that we should proceed. What a night.

Over the next several months we filled out endless paperwork, crossed our fingers, prayed our hearts out, and went through all the legal hoops necessary to become approved to adopt. I really appreciated the sweet support we had from the few people who knew.

During this time I discovered the wonderful support network of adoption blogging. I met some amazing people whose friendships I absolutely cherish. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if not for these wonderful friends.

About 11 months after we made the decision to adopt, we were approved through LDS Family Services for adoption. We were thrilled but I tried to restrain myself from getting too optimistic. I knew it could take years to be picked. But then I’d heard of couples getting picked in 1 month! I really tried not thinking about those couples too much lol.

Well, 3 months after we’d been approved my husband called me at work one fine Monday in June. An attorney had called him, who knew a birth mother who was expecting in August. Could we meet tonight to talk more? Oh heck yes we could! Turns out, this attorney was the father of a friend who had our blog button on their blog. We will forever be indebted to those sweet friends who helped spread the word of our adoption plans!

I was incredibly nervous prior to meeting the attorney. I really didn’t want to get my hopes up. But as soon as I saw him, I felt instant calm. We found out more about the birth mother and that she was expecting a boy. Yes I definitely destined him for soccer cleats and football before I even knew he was ours! I couldn’t help being excited and hopeful!

Two days later we met the birth mother. It was ironic because my husband, normally the calm one, was nervous and I, normally the very nervous one, was totally calm driving to meet her. The meeting went well and I totally felt like we hit it off. I felt we could have been sisters. We clicked. She told us she wanted us to be the parents and I squeezed Gavin’s hand under the table. She then gave us ultrasound photos from his 2 month appointment. I can’t describe the wonder and love that washed over me as I looked at his precious photos. I couldn’t believe, looking at the photo of that tiny lil boy, that he would be our son.

After we left we headed home to pour out our gratitude in prayer to our Heavenly Father. Then we hit up my fav restaurant to celebrate! I couldn’t stop staring at one of his photos. I think I even had it propped up near my napkin lol. We started spreading our good news. Definitely one of the best days of my life. Ever.

Our birth mother is absolutely amazing. She invited us to the rest of her Dr’s appointments, which we loved! I loved hearing his heartbeat and seeing the ultrasound and just being there. It really made us feel involved and we’re very thankful to have been invited into those private moments.

I laugh every time I think of the day our lil man made his arrival. It was Wed Aug 11, 2.5 weeks before due date. She was having one of her last checkups before his arrival. Gavin and I were leaving work early to be there. That morning she passed her mucus plug. Up till then I had been on edge over every single Braxton Hicks contraction she had. But that day I was totally calm and unruffled. I kept telling myself it would probably be soon, but not today so I wasn’t worried. Later when leaving for the appt. I had the feeling to take my personal belongings home from work with me. I followed the prompting, but still didn’t think anything of it. Silly me.

At the Dr’s appt there wasn’t any reason to suspect he would be coming later that day. Afterwards we stood in the parking lot talking for an hour (we had become best of friends). She kept telling me that it felt like he was pushing down on her “down there”. I joked maybe he was trying to find the exit. I still didn’t think anything was going to happen. All the way home she texted me that she thought I was having real contractions. Still no worry on my part. At home I felt like I should get our stuff ready for the hospital. She had been sweet enough to invite us to be there for the birth. I still didn’t think anything about it. Notice a theme here? I’m apparently none too bright lol. At around 5pm I was done packing and told my husband I was going to go run some errands. At 5:02pm she texted me that her water had broke. I stopped midsentence and told my husband there was a change of plans and laughed at how ironic it was that I had our stuff packed! We got in the car and I called her to see what the plan was. She was in labor and how! I felt so bad for her & the pain she was going through! She was waiting for her Dad to get home so we planned on meeting her at the hospital. On the way I felt we should stop at the store to grab some snacks. I’m very connected to my stomach people, ya never know how long these things take and I wasn’t going to let us go hungry! Ironically, the store was closer to her parent’s house, where she was, than the hospital. Can you see where this is going? Yup, walking towards the store I get a call from her that the baby is coming NOW and could we possibly drive her FAST to the hospital? Uhm. YES! We ran back to the car and flew to her parent’s house. Then we broke a lot of laws speeding, no, flying down the freeway to the hospital. There were definitely angels surrounding our car that day!

We made it to the hospital around quarter to 6pm. I rushed her to her room while Gavin parked the car. She got changed and on the bed and the nurse announced she was already dilated to a 9!! A NINE PEOPLE! The poor girl got NO MEDS. A couple minutes after that she screamed that she needed to push. The Dr rushed in and no joke, 12 minutes after her arriving he was born! At 6:02pm. It was an amazing experience, one I’ll never forget.

I remember the nurse putting him on the warming table to clean him up and it was like time had stopped all around me. As corny as that sounds it’s so true. I just remember walking over to him and looking down in wonder. I’m pretty sure I was crying. I held out my finger and he grabbed on. He had been crying but calmed down then. In my heart, that is when I became his Mother. I had always been told of what becoming a parent felt like, but I can’t find the words to adequately express the love and wonder of that moment.

The pain I felt during the 5 years of trying to get pregnant has been completely erased and filled with the joy of being a Mother. Every moment is precious, every day wonderful. I wouldn’t trade any of the pain or trials that led us to our son. They are part of the beautiful story of how we became a family.

Photo Session Giveaway: Memories Remixed

2010-11-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had guest blogger Jessalyn share her adoption journey. Starting today she is offering a giveaway! Not only is Jessalyn a birthmom, an open adoption advocate, and a birthmom advocate, but Jessalyn is a photographer. Her website is Memories Remixed. She is offering not 1, but 2 photo sessions to 2 lucky winners! Fabulous right?! This is for anyone touched by adoption! Whether a family who had been blessed by adoption, a hoping to adopt family that is looking for updated photos for their profile, or birth parents. (Jessa lives in Utah, so sorry, this is for Utah adoption lovers -close to the Utah, or Salt Lake County areas-) Seriously! Thank you Jessa for your generosity!

Want to know how to win? It's simple:

Just leave a comment here with your email address so I know where to contact you if you are one of the two winners.

Want an extra entry? Here's how:

Become a follower on my blog and then leave another comment letting me know you became a follower. If you already are one, just leave a comment saying already a follower. Make sure to leave your email address so I know where to contact you.

Want another entry?

Blog about this giveaway. Leave another comment here telling me that you blogged about it, with a link to your blog post, and your email address so I can contact you if you are a winner.

Want another entry?

Facebook about this giveaway. Leave another comment here telling mer that you did a facebook post, along with your email so I can contact you.

Want another entry?

Blog, or facebook about my month long giveaway for a hoping to adopt couple. A blog redesign by Envision Image Design. Leave a comment here with a link to your post, telling me you blogged about that giveaway, along with your email address so I can contact you.

That's 5 ways to enter! You can do just 1, or all 5, or any combination of the 5. How easy is that! Make sure you leave a comment for each way you enter, with your email address.

You have until Sunday November 28th. I will announce the winners as part of my final post for adoption month on November 30th.

Guest Blogger: Jessalyn's story

2010-11-15T21:29:00.000-08:00

This is the story of Jessalyn. Jessalyn is a fabulous example of an open adoption advocate. She is also a birthmom. Jessalyn is using her experiences to help others. She started a website called Birthmothers 4 Adoption, also an organization called Blankets 4 Birthmothers (I posted about that a few days ago, and the project Mrs. R. is doing). And recently she started a non-profit organization called Scholarships 4 Birthmothers. Seriously, she is amazing. Here is her story:

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I met my birthfather in basic training, I thought I was in love...or maybe I was just smitten with the fact that he claimed to be in love with me...I still haven't decided. Anyway, I got home at the end of October, found out I was pregnant a couple days before I was to leave to college.

My biggest fear was telling my parents. I could think of nothing worse then seeing my parents faces when I gave them the biggest let down of their life. To look into their eyes and tell them that seemed impossible. After they had been told they didn't react too bad. They were dissapointed but mostly sad. After we had talked for a while, they told me to call my college and make sure I could still live in student housing. Luckily, I was still able to.

I moved in and because of some differences i moved to a different set of housing, then my life changed.... I walked into the apartment and I met this girl. Her name was Alyson. Now at first I wasn't a big fan of her, little did I know she would be the source of relief and overbounding joy, she would help me get through one of the hardest things of my life. After several days of 24/7 throwing up I figured I should probably divulge the information that I was with child. I told them and to my surprise they weren't totally rude to me, instead they opened up their arms to me. One day after having gone to LDS family services I had a pile of adoptive couple profiles. I was looking through them on the floor. I had a yes, no, maybe pile. I had certain things i really wanted. ( I am not going to share those because I fear that adoptive couples will feel they need to have those. This is not true. Every birthmother has different wants and needs.) Anyways...Alyson came in from class and asked what they were, I explained they were potential adoptive parents of my baby. Aly responded non chalantly and walked into her room. Minutes later she came back out and told me of her aunt in uncle who lived in another state. I told her to have them call me or send me their profile. Well her aunt called me on the phone. She sounded nice on the phone at first impression then I found more out about her and her family. They were involved in a lot of the activities I had hoped and dreamed that my baby would be able to be involved in as well. She had two other biological boys. Big brothers is something I had always wanted. Then she sent me their profile. I looked at that profile for hours. Scoping everything out. I cried, I smiled, I pondered.

One day, I just realized, This baby belongs to them. I had my caseworker set up a face to face so I could tell them. They thought I just wanted to meet them. I put together a basket with Alyson and had it all ready for them when they came down. I was very excited, nervous, and scared. I probably tried on like 7 outfits...Aly kept saying, " You look fine" My biggest fear was that they would think I was some stupid teenager who went out and got knocked up. When they walked into that room I felt calm instantly. Then when their boys walked in I KNEW I had made the right choice. They are the two sweetest most well mannered boys i have ever met. I handed them my basket with the sonogram and some baby stuff. They just looked at it. They didn't really say anything. I started to freak out then. No response I was worried they were going to say no. After the meeting we went to Ice Cream. We talked and I enjoyed getting to know them. Overall I was pretty quiet. I went home and I just cried that night. I can't think of anyway to describe it. You feel relief because you know you found the parents and yet you feel an overwhelming grief because it becomes real. I have never wept like I did then.

On August 20, 2008 Josie Jeanne was born. She had a hard time getting here, but she made it. I regret it with all my might but I didn't even hold her right after she was born. I was just so exhausted. But on the other hand I think it was a good thing. She was able to have that bonding moment with her parents. The next two days went by so fast. Then I had to place that beautiful baby girl into their arms at placement. It was the hardest moment of my life. I didn't ever think in a million years I could feel hurt like that. But I did. I placed her in their arms and I walked out. That night I went to my parents house and didn't sleep at all. I was in shock. I kept putting my hand on my stomach. I was missing my baby girl. I wept, I looked at pictures. I missed her so so much. I cried for probably three months straight. Then in November I had the chance to see her for the first time since placement. When I held that baby girl again, the sadness started to heal, when I saw her with her family and how well she fit in, the sadness was even more alleviated. I knew she fit. She belonged to them!

I went home feeling worlds better. Skipping ahead. When I was getting ready to go to her sealing my friend who had planned on going with me skipped out. So I invited the guy who I had only been dating for a week (I know crazy! Yes, we are still together! lol ) and my birthmother friend and of course Aly. We went and I had some time with Josie before both the blessing and the sealing. When they came out of the temple they looked so beautiful. They looked so happy. It tore me up and made me happy all at the same time. But it was then I knew with no doubt in my mind I made the right choice.

Josie's adoptive parents are the most amazing people I have ever met and I am so thankful for them. I am thankful for their two sons. I am thankful for Aly. Most of all I am thankful for God.

15 months later I still miss Josie every once in a while and I still think about her everyday. But it gets better everyday. I can not ever regret my decision because she is with who she belongs to. I know that when she grows up she will know who i am and how I feel about her. She will know she is loved by a ridiculous amount of people. She is a beautiful girl and is growing to be more beautiful everyday. I love my Josie!!

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Bloggers Post script: Jessa's daughter Josie is now a happy bubbly 2 year old. And Jessa is happily married. Josie and her family were there the day Jessa married her eternal companion.

It must have been so much easier.......

2010-11-14T20:59:00.000-08:00

"It must have been so much easier for you, having Emily's birthom related to you. You knew she wouldn't change her mind so you didn't have to worry."

This is a statement we heard a lot before Emily was born, and still hear all the time. There are a few things I'd like to clear up when it comes to family member adoption.

One, adoption is never easy, whether family member adoption or not. Worth it, yes, Easy, no.

Two, we didn't know that Kristina wouldn't change her mind. The worry was still there. Adoption is a choice. Kristina had her choice with whether to place Emily for adoption or not. She had a choice on whether to place her with us or not. She, like everyone who is making an adoption plan, had the right to change her mind at any time, before and after Emily was born.

Three, just because Kristina is related to us, the wait between when we found out Kristina chose us, and the time she signed relinquishement allowing us to adopt Emily, was not, contary to popular beleif, "easier" then it would have been if Kristina was not related to us. I can't speak for others who have been through a family adoption, but for us, it was definately not easier.

Imagine if you will, waiting, hoping, praying to be chosen. Praying that someone will trust you enough to be the parents of their child. Now imagine getting "the call" saying that a birthmom has chosen you. You go through 5 months of the pregnancy, you prepare and get everything ready. Wash all the clothes, decorate the nursery, pack for the hospital, and tell everyone you know, (and even some you don't) that your baby is finally coming, through the miracle of adoption.

Now, imagine getting "the call" that the time has come. Your baby is on her way. You frantically pack the car, make all your phone calls, and drive to the hospital. You sit next to this brave young woman who is bringing new life into this world. Life that she is intrusting into your hands and heart. Finally the moment is here. You see that precious baby for the very first time. You hold her, love her, kiss her, feel her little hand wrapped around your finger, hear her cries, sooth her, you are her mother.

Now, imagine, this young woman, has made the decision to parent her child. You love her, support her, but your heart is breaking. You leave the hospital empty handed. You return home to find the nursery you were supposed to bring a baby home to, now sits empty. Every moment of every day you wonder how that sweet precious baby is doing, what she looks like now. You go to a family function and you see her. The little one who you thought would be yours. You watch her grow, you see someone else who is her mother. And you wonder, how will you ever go on, knowing that little one, was supposed to be yours. It is this scenerio that we feared, every single day for the entire duration of Kristina's pregnancy. We feared it not only then, but more so during the week Emily was in the nicu after she was born. Kristina had not yet signed her relinquishment and consent. We spent up to 18 hours a day in the nicu with Emily, yet, at any time Kristina could have made a different decision.

Please, do not think that by writting this post I am discounting what those who have gone through a failed adoption have faced and felt. I can't even begin to imagine the pain they have gone through. I have several friends who have gone through a failed adoption. I have seen their worst nightmares come true. What I am saying is, a failed adoption is something I think every hopeful couple fears. It may not be this way for everyone, but for us, it was magnified because we are related to Kristina. Because we knew, if she "changed her mind", we would either have to cut ourselves off from everyone in that part of our family, or we would have to see Emily grow up with someone else as her parents, knowing that this was the baby we had waited and hoped and prayed for all those years. And we would never be the ones she called mom and dad. We would never be the ones she came to when she scraped her knee, or when she did well in a dance recital. We would not be the ones to help her with her homework, or teach her to ride a bike.

How did we get through that fear. The answer is simple, yet it is the hardest to accept at times. Faith... We had faith, not that Emily would be ours, although we did have faith in that. But the faith that we relied on, was the faith that everything would be o.k. It would turn out according to Heavenly Father's plan.

As I sat in church today and sang the closing hymn in Sacrament, my heart was filled with gratitude for a loving Heavenly Father and for Kristina. The closing hymn was my favorite hymn. Because I Have Been Given Much. It sums up perfectly how adoption makes me feel.

Birthmother gift idea: letters from birthmom's

2010-11-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

I got this idea for a birthmother gift from a book I did for my husband. Because none of our family members were able to come to say goodbye to my husband before either of his deployments, I put together a scrapbook of pictures and messages from loved ones (I updated it with new pictures and messages before his second deployment). It was a 6x6 scrapbook that he was able to take with him and when he was feeling down, or lonely, or just needed to feel close to home, he could pull out the book and read encouraging words from those who love him most.

When I was trying to come up with an idea for a birthmother gift to give to Kristina at placement, my mom reminded me of these books. I added pictures of our families and letters from us and our parents and told Kristina a little bit about our families. The letters were just thanking her for trusting us to be Emily's mom and dad, and telling her how much Emily means to us and how much Kristina herself means to us. I know it's probably funny to have put in pictures and such of our families when Kristina is family, but Kristina knows my dad's side of the family. But she doesn't know my mom's side, or Jacob's family and I wanted her to see the family that Emily is now a part of. So that is why I did that part.

But one thing I decided to add were letters from some of my birthmother friends. I figured who would know what she is going through better then someone else who has been through the same thing. There were letters from birthmothers who had placed many years ago, some who had placed recently. Birthmothers who are of our same faith, birthmothers who are not. Some are married, some are not. From all walks of life, all ages. I asked them to be open and honest with her, to give her words of advice, tell Kristina what helped them to get through the days, weeks, months and years after placement. I can't thank them enough for doing this for Kristina.

I was going to decorate a scrapbook, but found a really pretty binder. I did the photo pages digital scrapbooking style and found some paper that coordinated with the book to print the letters on.

Don't forget about the current giveaways! Today is the last day to enter the photo session giveaway for an AZ family.

Blankets for Birthmother's via The R House

2010-11-12T18:44:00.000-08:00

My friend Jessalynn started an organization called Blankets for Birthmothers. During the month of November Mrs. R. over at the R House is hoping to help Jessa collect 50 blankets. Jesss brings these blankets to 6 different agencies who give them to birthmothers who are placing their baby's. This way when they leave the hospital, they don't leave empty handed. Jessa herself is an amazing birthmom to a beautiful little girl, and she used her blanket in the hospital with her little one and was able to bring it home with her. When she is missing her little girl, she will hold the blanket to feel close to her. Jessa wants other birthmom's to have that beautiful reminder as well.

So how about it? Shall we help them reach their goal? Don't know how to sew? That's o.k.! Mrs. R. posted a rockin' instructional video to a no sew fleece blanket on her blog, along with all the info on where to send the blankets. :D Check that out here.

And don't forget about the giveaways going on right now.

For anyone touched by adoption in the Phoenix AZ area, Kim Nevels Photography is offering a free photo session. You have until tomorrow night to enter this one.

And for a hoping to adopt family, no matter where you live, Envision Image Design is offering a complete blog redesign. This contest is running all month. For details, look here.

And for anyone touched by adoption, Envision Image Photography is offering a special $99 photo session for the month of November only.

Hoping to adopt: Meet Paul & Jeanette

2010-11-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

Before I go on to today's post, I wanted to remind you about the current giveaways:
For anyone touched by adoption, whether a birthparent, hoping to adopt family, adoptive family, adoptee, etc. in the Phoenix AZ area, a photo session and photo CD from Kim Nevels Photography.
And for a hoping to adopt family, no matter where you live, a complete blog redesign offered by Envision Image Design.
And a special for families in Utah, anyone touched by adoption, A $99 photo session offered by Envision Image Photography.
Anyhow, on to today's post!
I'm so excited to introduce you to this wonderful family. Jeanette has been a friend of mine since Jr. High. We lost touch after High School, then got back in touch when we both tried out for a play our church was putting on. Jeanette landed the female lead in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (I was the bride who married the 3rd brother Caleb). She is seriously an amazing woman, and her husband is pretty awesome too. Their daughters are adorable, as you will see, and joined their family through the gift of adoption. And they are ready to add a new little one to their family. But what am I telling you for. Here is their journey in their words:
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We are the “UTE Fan Family of Four!” Here is a little bit of our family history to share with you:

Our journey to adoption began nearly 4 years after being married in 1998. We had tried getting “homemade babies” to join our family for a year and a half when we realized that might not happen for us. Another 18 months, and test after test later, we were informed of our infertility and immediately began paperwork to adopt.

We were on a “waiting list” for 4 years, when the agency contacted us to house a birthmother who had chosen another family. It took us a few days to accept the challenge, but in the end “C.S.” came to live with us for 5 months. This is when and where our hearts were softened towards birthmothers and how incredible and amazing each of them are.

3 months after “C.S.” left our home, we were contacted by a different agency to potentially adopt through them. The situation of the birthparents was rocky at best…. The birthmother was 19, having her second child, and going through a divorce. The birthfather was refusing to sign his termination of rights to the baby. Crazy as it sounds, we knew that this was our baby and our birthparents.

30 days later, we welcomed our first daughter “Lil’ Miss M” thanks to her birthmom “A”. It was another 30 days after having her home that the birthfather signed the relinquishments. It was an incredible miracle and blessing, not to mention a relief.

(“Lil’ Miss M” is now 4 ½ years old. She is in pre-school and dance. She is a happy and silly little girl, and she is such a peacemaker. She has a very tender heart and is a complete joy.)

Fast-forward 18 months…and we begin to feel anxious about another baby. We had decided we’d put together paperwork in February or March.

On a whim, around the end of September 2007, we called the caseworker we’d dealt with for our first adoption, who asked us if we were calling because we wanted another baby. When we told her we were thinking February/March time-frame, she said she needed our paperwork “like yesterday”; she knew where our baby was.

4 days after we submitted paperwork, we got a call from this caseworker informing us a birthmother, “S.J.” wanted to meet with us. Another 4 days, and “Lil’ Miss M” was to be a big sister to a little sister due in March. February 15th, “Angel C.J.” was delivered – exactly one month early.

(“Angel C.J.” is now 2 ½. She is talks like she is 4 ½, and about as smart. She is such a tease. She is an amazing little swimmer and she loves to sing. And though she can be more stubborn than an ox…she warms our hearts and makes us happy.)

The girls adore each other and are best friends.

We enjoy having open adoptions with both and couldn’t love “A” or “S.J.” possibly any more for the blessings we share in “Lil’ Miss M” and “Angel C.J.”.

We have had some difficult, crazy and absolutely amazing and breath-taking moments through adoption. But, one of the most unexpected blessings through both of our adoptions…is our relationships and the intense amount of love we have with and for our daughters’ birthmothers.

We’re so thrilled with our experiences…we are preparing to do it again. Yes! Adoption #3 is in our future. Our approval and paperwork should be completed in the next few weeks.

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If you or someone you know is pregnant and considering adoption and would like to learn more about Paul & Jeanette, feel free to contact them at pescado_b@yahoo.com, or check out their blog for more information.

Nia Vardalas on The Talk discussing adoption. Love it!

2010-11-10T13:41:00.000-08:00

Was watching my new favorite Talk Show, The Talk yesterday and saw this interview with the awesome actress, Nia Vardalos who is the National Spokesperson for Adoption. Love this!! Ecspecially where she talks about seeing her daughter, who she adopted through foster care, for the very first time.

Photography Giveaway--- Phoenix AZ area for those touched by adoption!

2010-11-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

I apologize for not posting yesterday. The stomach flu has been rampant in our house. It started out with our sweet nephew who spent the night last week, then I got it, now Tamara has it. We're hoping it stops with her and that Jacob and Emily don't get it. *praying*

Anyhow, here is the post that was supposed to go up yesterday. I will post for today later on.

This is a giveaway for anyone touched by adoption, offered by my long time friend Kim of Kim Nevels Photography. I have known Kim since my early years of high school. It's been 18 or so years now (boy does that make me feel old!) Kim is an amazing wife, mom, friend, and photographer. And she is offering a free photo session to those touched by adoption in the East Valley of Phoenix AZ area. (Or if you would like to enter but don't live in that area, but would like to pay her traveling costs, Kim is happy to come to you.) Kim is also the sister of a birthmom, so adoption means alot to her. And when I went to her and asked if she would be willing to offer a giveaway, she was happy to.

If you are a hoping to adopt family and need updated photos for your profile, blog, pass along cards etc., if you have recently welcomed home your newly adopted little one, or if you are about to welcome home a newly adopted little one and would love someone there to document those moments, if you are a family who has adopted, if you would like to do maternity photos with your birthmom, if you are a birthmom and would like maternity photos, or if you are a birthfamily who is about to place, and would like photos with your little one in the hospital before placement (Kim did this for her sister, and these are pictures her whole family cherish's.), and you live in or around Phoenix, this is for you!

The photo session will include the actual session of course, along with a CD of your pictures, fully edited.

So you want to know how to enter right? It's simple, just leave a comment here with your email address, tell me how adoption has touched your life. It's that simple. :D

Want an extra entry?! Blog about this, and leave an additional comment with a link to your blog post and you will get an additional entry. Also, Facebook about this giveaway and leave another comment telling me you did a Facebook post, and that is an additional entry! That's up to 3 entries! You have until this Saturday November 13th @ 11:59 p.m. MDT to enter! Winner will be chosen using random.org and will be announced on Sunday. So what are you waiting for? Get commenting!

And don't forget about my month long contest for a hoping to adopt family. There is a blog redesign up for grabs.

Repost: Fundraising Ideas

2010-11-06T16:35:00.000-07:00

I know this is a repost from last year, but I wanted to put it out there again. Not to mention, I have 3 callings at church and I have stuff due for 2 of them tomorrow, so I need to get those done, and time is getting short tonight. And don't forget about the contest for a blog redo for a hoping to adopt family! So far I have only had a couple of people enter, so your chances of being one of the 5 finalists, is really good right now. LOL So, here it is, from last year, how to raise money for your adoption:

I had been racking my brain trying to decide on what to post for today's adoption related post. I couldn't narrow it down was the problem. That's when I got a FB message from the lovely and talented mrs. r telling me that my necklace was ready. If you know mrs. r, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't know her, why not? ;o) Mrs. r has started with some of her friends, an etsy shop, called, what else but, the r house, featuring handmade, gorgeoue necklaces, and has recently added some children's clothing to her shop. A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E children's clothes too! Adorable I tell you! Cute little onsies for baby and shirts for toddlers that say things like, "I love my Birth Mother", and "I get my good looks from my birth family". Seriously, how cute is that!

What does this have to do with adoption you ask? Why everything! mrs. r started this shop to help raise funds for her adoption costs. As I mentioned in my last post, they have been in court for over a year fighting for their son. Their legal costs, as you can imagine, are crazy, so they started this shop as a way to help raise money. They do premade necklaces, that they have designed, and they do custom necklaces (that's what I got). Along with those adorable clothes.

So why am I mentioning this in this post and not the last one? Because what I want to focus on in this post, is ways to raise funds for your adoption.
Here are just some of the many ideas:
----- like mrs. r, open an etsy shop, etsy is a great website where crafters can sell their handmade items.
----- think of something you're good at, and offer that as a service, like if you're good at photography, offer to take family photos at a reduced rate, and all proceeds go to your adoption. Ecspecially this time of year, everyone is looking for affordable photographers for Christmas card photos!
----- sell on ebay, set up an ebay account if you don't already have one, and sell items on ebay for extra funds for your adoption.
----- garage sale, yes, in most parts of the country it is getting too cold for garage/yard sales, but now is a great time to start gathering items for your sale. Ask family members and friends to donate items that you can sell. When you're ready for your sale, don't hesitate to advertise your sale as being held to help raise funds for your adoption. You may be surpised how many people come to help support you. Put your blog address, or a link to your adoption profile on the price tags of your items. Place your pass-along cards on a table along with flyers telling all about you. You never know if someone who comes may know someone who is considering an adoption plan.
----- Adoption grants, Adoption grants are everywhere. some you need to pay back, some you don't. (just google adoption grants to find out more)Also, Check with your employer, they may offer adoption grants, or they may have a program to reimburse you for some of your adoption expenses.
----- bake sale, ask a local retailer, or a local church if you can do a bake sale in their parking lot, or in front of their building. You can also combine a bake sale with your garage sale. sell a couple of different beverages too, 12 packs of soda can be bought when they go on sale for as little as a couple dollars or less, you can sell each can for 50 cents giving you a nice profit.
----- car wash, need I say more?
----- the holidays are coming up, so write a letter to your family and friends and let them know that you won't be sending/giving gifts this year as you save for your adoption. You may even find that instead of giving you a gift, some of your family members want to donate to your adoption fund.
----- save save save! I know that isn't a "fundraising" idea, but there is no better way to obtain your funds, then to save, save, save! One tip I got from our new case worker who went to a recent conference on adoption, giving us notes because she knew we didn't live here when it was held and weren't able to go(did I mention she rocks!) is to figure out what the cost will be per week once your child is placed in your home. If the cost of diapers, wipes, formula, clothes, etc. will cost you $50-$100 a week, depending on where you live and where you shop, start setting that much aside in a savings account every week. You will be surprised how quickly that adds up. Plus, once your child is in your home, you will already be used to having that cost, so it won't be such a shocker to your budget.

Honestly, the possibilities are endless. I googled adoption fundraising and I can't even tell you how many hits I got. What fundraiser ideas have you used? Come on, let's share! :D

And I'm going to leave you with a photo of my gorgeous necklace. I can't wait to get it! (I hope mrs. r doesn't mind that I am using the photo that I got from her etsy store where my necklace was listed. I just had to show you all how gorgeous it is!)

Gorgeous right?! Here is the reason behind what I chose. I chose 2 discs, one saying hope, because I have hope and faith that we will find our birth mother, and that we will be blessed with her and her little one as new additions to our family (along with all her family and our birth father too if he wants to be). I chose love because I love my husband and daughter with everything I have and everything I am. I chose the pearl because it is Tammy's birthstone, and I chose the green stone because it was close to aquamarine which is Jacob's birth stone. :D Are you jealous? Do you want one too? Just contact mrs. r through her etsy shop or through her blog. And just think, not only will you get a gorgeous peice of custom jewlery, but you will be helping a wonderful family stay together. :D

Storytelling Workshop for Adoptive Parents

2010-11-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

First of all, don't forget about the giveaway going on, generously donated by Crystal of Envision Image Photography and Envision Image Design. Check Tuesday's post for details. One hoping to adopt family will win a complete blog redesign (check the post on how to enter, for this contest, it doesn't matter where you live, you just need to be a hoping to adopt family). Also, Crystal is offering a special for the month of November only, a $99 photo session for hoping to adopt families, adoptive families, and birthparents.

Now, on to today's post. I was contacted the other day by my longtime friend Julie. I have known Julie for about 11 years now. Julie is an amazing master storyteller. Julie's friend Rachel is teaching a workshop on storytelling. This workshop is for adoptive parents. You will learn how to tell storys to your children, just like the master storytellers do. Before the event, a background survey and consent form will be completed as this is part of a Storytelling Masters thesis. Couples will email a paragraph once a week for 7 weeks on the impact, if any, on their parenting. Confidentiality will be maintained for the written responses.

As part of your attendence you will receive, a free story performance geared toward adoptive couples, a workbook on how to share stories with your child (not just your little ones either, you will learn how to tell stories, to every age, from tots to teens!) , gift bag with goodies, and free dessert! Oh, and did I mention a book filled with 12 different stories about adoption! This event promises to be fun!

Oh, and it's completely and totally FREE! So you want the details?

When: Saturday November 20, 2010
Time: 7:00 - 9:30 p.m.
Where: Weber State University, Shepherd Union Bldg., Room 312 in Ogden, UT
Cost: Free! (Even the parking)

For more info: http://yearofthefamily.wordpress.com/storyworkshop/

Question: Would you do a privatized adoption again? And what are the pro's and con's?

2010-11-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

Question from Formspring: Would you ever do a private adoption again? What were the pro's and con's that you experienced?

Answer:

With a private adoption, we do still have to wait the required 6 months before we can finalize, just like any other adoption in Utah. We also still had to do a post placement visit and hired our agency to do that. (Although normally you would have to do 3 post placement visits, we only had to do one)

One of the pro's for us, the cost. I know that sounds awful, but let me explain, The attorney we found (he was actually recommended to us by two different people, one who is a birthmom) is very honest and doesn't overcharge. He charges us based on our case, which he does with all adoptions, instead of treating every adoption the same, and charging the same (I talked to a few attorney's who charged the same no matter what). Let me stress that in most cases, a private adoption normally costs more, and sometimes considerably more. Ours was less because when we went to our attorney, Kristina (Emily's birthmom) had already chosen us. All our attorney needed to do was the court stuff. Our adoption being a family member adoption also weighed into the cost. I know others who had done a private adoption, and they spent thousands more then we did. A family adoption takes considerably less paperwork then a regular private adoption. We also had more control over how things went. Rather then having someone tell us how things would go, we were able to, with Kristina, make a plan together of how things would go at the hospital and after (that was actually a pro, and a con). Of course nothing worked out how we planned, but it worked out all the same.

One of the cons about not having an agency, in an agency facilitated adoption, the agency works out placement and the details of that and the relinquishment and consent. We didn't have that. Our attorney did a good job with the relinquishment and consent (which we had to so a week later at the courthouse) but we were on our own when it came to placement (in most situtations he would have worked that out too, but because ours was a family member adoption, we were on our own). My main reason for wanting to do an agency adoption was our child's birthmom being able to seek counseling should she wish from the agency. Because we did a private adoption, that was not avaliable as part of our adoption.

There are pro's and con's to all types of adoptions, whether a family member adoption, a private adoption, foster adoption, agency adoptions, etc. Really it's just what's best for your family. We prayed long and hard about our adoption. We felt that it was right for us. Because Emily's birthmom is a family member, we had no choice but to do a private adoption. But it has been good for us.

As to whether we would do a private adoption again? We would again pray long and hard about it before saying yes to any potential adoption, whether it ended up being a family member adoption, private adoption, agency adoption. etc.

If you have questions about our adoption, or family member & private adoptions in general, you can either leave a comment here, email me, or ask on formspring.

Don't forget about the giveaway and special from Envision Image! A compelet blog redesign for a hoping to adopt family, and a photo session special for hoping to adopt families, adoptive families and birthparents! For details see yesterday's post.

Giveaway and Special from Envision Image!!

2010-11-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

In the wee hours of the morning I was asked a question on Formspring about if we would do a private adoption again, and what the pros and cons to a private adoption are. Stay tuned for the answer to that tomorrow. But for now, have I got a fabulous giveaway for you!

Yesterday I contacted Crystal of Envision Image Photography & Envision Image Design. Crystal is not only an amazing photographer (she was the photographer for Stefanie's wedding a couple of months ago. Stefanie is a fabulous birthmom who placed her daughter for adoption, if you haven't read her blog, you have to!) I explained to Crystal that November is National Adoption Month and told her that I was blogging about adoption all month and that I wanted to include some giveaways. I asked her if she would be willing to donate either a photo session, or a blog design to a hoping to adopt family. The response I received back, floored me. Seriously! I am soooo excited! Not only is Crystal doing a giveaway for a hoping to adopt family, but she also has a special she is running, for, get this, the ENTIRE month of November, to not only hoping to adopt couples, but also to birth parents, and adoptive families! I am blown away by Crystal's sheer awesomeness! So are you ready for the details?

In honor of National Adotion Month, Envision Image Photography & Envision Image Design are giving away a Complete Blog Redesign for a family hoping to adopt! This blog Redesign will include, a custom background, slideshow header, and custom buttons for spreading the word.

To enter, all you need to do is send me (Sharon) an email at jandscrown@yahoo.com. Please include your name, email (so I can contact you should you be the winner), and a short summary about your adoption journey and why you need a blog redesign.

Submissions will be accepted until 11:59 p.m. Mountain Time, on Tuesday November 23rd. From the submissions, Crystal and I will choose 5 finalists, and then beginning Friday November 26th, we will have you, my readers, vote on the winner. The voting will go until November 30th. The winner will be annouced on December 1st!

Wait! There's more! For the month of November only, Envision Image Photography is offering a special.

$99 Photography Session

This special is for not only hoping to adopt couples, but also families who have been brought together through adoption, AND also to birthmoms and birthdads of adopted children!

Your photography session will include a 45 minute session and a disc with 10 high resolution images on disc, with copyright release. (Additional photos are $5 each)

For information on the special, or to schedule a session contact Crystal at Envision Image Photography: envisionimage@gmail.com or 801-814-2805

Question: Did you use an agency, or was the adoption private?

2010-11-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

If you look to the right hand column of my blog you will see a box for Formspring. Formspring is a website where you can ask questions to anyone with an account. You can ask with the person knowing it's you, or you can ask anonymously.

I have been asked several questions about our adoption, particularly because it is a family member adoption. So I figured as part of National Adoption Month I would answer those questions here on my blog as well (I answer questions as they are asked on Formspring). I will try to answer them in more detail here as well.

Question as asked on Formspring: Because of your relationship with Emily's birthmother, did you use an agency, or was the adoption private?

Answer: Actually because it is a family member adoption, our agency (as is the case with most agencies I think), could not facilitate our adoption. We used a private adoption attorney. Best attorney ever! We did use our agency for our post placement visit and our attorney got our file from them for the background checks that are required for any adoption. Our adoption isn't final yet. We still have to wait the required 6 month waiting period. That will be up at the end of January and we will be able to go to court to finalize at some point in February.

As part of adoption month, I will be offering some giveaways, (including a photo session for a hoping to adopt family in the AZ area!) so stay tuned for that. Until then, I wanted to tell you about my friend Angie's giveaway. Angie is an adoptive momma of two of the cutest little boys (seriously, he son Adam has cheeks and a smile that is to die for! I giggle every time I see his picture.) Angie is also a fabulous photographer (Check out her site, Ray Of Sunshine Photography)! She is offering a photo session and disc of images, fully edited to a hoping to adopt couple. It doesn't matter where you live, just as long as you are willing to travel to Utah County for the session. She has several ways you can win. Check out the link for more details: http://claytonandangie.blogspot.com/2010/11/national-adoption-monthand-photography.html

Good Luck!

National Adoption Month

2010-11-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

November is National Adoption Month, and once again, I am taking the challenge to blog every day this month about adoption. :D

At the end of the month, Mrs. R. is hosting a dinner at the Blue Lemon Bistro. I didn't make it to the dinner last year, but I plan to go this year. Come and join us as we celebrate adoption!

This month I plan to share adoption stories, resources, answer questions about our own adoption (since it's a family member adoption, I have been asked a lot of questions about it, so I will be answering those) and am hoping to do some giveaways. So stay tuned!

3 months old!

2010-10-26T19:54:00.001-07:00

It has been 3 months since Miss Emily was born! Seriously, where has the time gone! It doesn't feel like 3 months, yet, it feels like she has always been in our family and like there was never a time she wasn't here. I love how that happens.

Miss Emily now sleeps through the night. She has been sleeping through the night for 3 weeks now. It's heaven! She makes up for it during the day though. She only takes small naps and likes to be awake and playing. Her favorite toy is her kick and play piano. She is trying to reach for objects and has even gotten a few. She grabs her binkie out of her mouth and has been able to put it back in several times. She is trying to hold her bottle, but isn't quite there yet. She loves to stand (with help of course), and is trying to sit up by herself. She will growl at you if you growl at her, and I have even gotten her to say "Grrrrr", once! She is too fun!

I can't beleive how big she is getting! At her two month appt. she weighed 12 lbs. 5 oz. and was 24 inches. She has grown a lot since then. She is still wearing size 2 diapers, but is now in 3-6 month clothes and has been for several weeks. I had to buy her 6-12 month socks because the 0-6 month ones fall off her feet.

Our Birth Story (Better late than never right?)

2010-09-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

I know, I know! It has been 9 weeks since Miss Emily was born and I still haven't blogged our birth story or anything. I'm sorry! At first it was because I couldn't find the words to describe it. And then it was Emily being in the nicu. And then it was adjusting to life at home with a newborn. And then it was adjusting to life at home with a baby with severe reflux. And then, I just forgot. So now that I am out of excuses, and Emily is now over 2 months old, I figure I should go ahead and blog about it. Anyhow, here goes nothing!

It all started the week before Emily was born. Kristina was having contractions, an hour apart, but they were regular and consistent. We went to her 39 week appt. on Thursday and the doctor said that he thought the baby was over 9 lbs. and ordered an ultrasound,saying that if she was over 9 lbs. we would probably have to do a c-section. They couldn't get Kristina in until Monday morning so we waited. Saturday afternoon I get a text from Kristina telling me that the contractions had stopped (this was a surprise because the contractions were regular for several days and then nothing.) So we figured that we would find out news on Monday. Saturday we celebrated Pioneer Day (Utah state holiday) and went to bed fully expecting to go to church and have a normal Sunday.

Sunday morning I woke up at 5:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. I was just starting to get tired again and was considering whether I should get a short nap before church or just wait till after church for my nap when my phone rang. I went racing up the stairs as Jacob shot straight up in bed and fumbled for the phone (it was my cell which was on the charger in our bedroom). Jacob dropped the phone and we missed the call. I grabbed it from the floor and saw it was Kristina. A phone call, from our birth mom at 6:40 a.m.??? It could only mean one thing! So I called her back, apologized for missing the call, and she said "guess what?!" "what?!" was my response as my heart pounded faster and faster. I was NOT expecting what I heard next. "My water just broke!" WHAT!!!!! So we hung up the phone telling Kristina that we would be there as soon as we could. We hadn't packed anything. Strike that, I packed the things we would need for Emily, but nothing for the rest of us. I did make a list of what I needed to pack but hadn't packed. So I woke Tamara up, and we all packed in a hurry deciding that if we forgot it, we didn't need it. ;o)

By 7:30, after a quick call to each of our mom's as we hopped in the van (my mom was watching our animals for us), we were on the road. We called a few people from church to let them know we wouldn't be there. I asked my friend Beth to tell the bishop because we didn't have his number with us. We called our lawyer and let him know Kristina was in labor and we were on our way. We called to check on Kristina and my stepmom (Kristina's mom) answered and said that they were keeping Kristina at the hospital only because her water had broken, and that Kristina was only dialated to a 2. Kristina was in good spirits and excited to see and hold Emily after all these months. On our way into Logan, where the baby was being born, the song "tonight's gonna be a good night" by the Black Eyed Peas came on (I think that is who its' by). It seemed fitting for the occassion.

We got to the hospital and were suprised when Kristina was still at a 2. I asked if the nurses knew that we were supposed to have an ultrasound the next day and that the baby was possibly 9 lbs. or over. They said yes they knew, and we would just wait and see. Kristina's dr. was not on call or I'm sure they would have done an ultrasound and decided to do a c-section sooner. (She has an awesome dr.).

Hours passed and Kristina remained in good spirits. Emily responded better to the labor when Kristina wore the oxygen mask, so she spent a good chunk of the labor with that on. Labor progressed slowly, but yet Kristina kept a smile on her face. She kept saying, "Guess what?!" I would say what. And she would get a big smile on her face and say "Emily's coming!". More hours passed and still, not much progress. The dr. decided to start potocin that afternoon. Things speed up after that but not by much. As midnight approached we wondered if Emily would wait till the 26th to be born, or if she would decide to be born late on the 25th. Midnight came and went. That answered that. Kristina was at a 10 right around 1a.m. They decided to give her an hour to rest and then let her start pushing. At 2:30 Kristina started pushing and the warming bed and all the supplies were brought in for the delivery. This was it! When the pushing started almost everyone went into the hall. The only ones in the room were Kristina, myself, my stepmom Sally, and our cousin Shelley (and the nurse of course). Everyone else waited anxiously in the hall. After 2 and a half hours of pushing, Emily just wasn't coming out. After 22 hours of labor, Kristina just cried when she found out she would have to have a c-section. I cried too. I hated to think of all that she went through, and to have it end like that. I couldn't bare it. My heart broke for my little sister. And all she could say, was that she didn't try hard enough. Are you kidding me? She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "I'm so sorry. I didn't try hard enough. I should have tried harder." My heart broke even more. I tear up even now thinking of it. Kristina was amazing. She was more amazing then anyone ever could have been.

The nurse said that only one person could be in the OR with Kristina. My heart broke again. I looked at my stepmom, I looked at Kristina, and I knew that she needed her mom. As much as I wanted to be there. As much as I ached to hold Kristina's hand and see her through the rest of this. As much as I longed to hear my baby's first cries, I knew Kristina needed her mom, and I knew Sally needed to be there for Kristina. So I choked out that Sally needed to be the one to go. I could barely talk, and my voice broke more then once. Sally looked at me with tears of gratitude and asked are you sure. I wanted to say no that I wasn't sure. I wanted to say that I needed to be the one in there. But I looked at Kristina, and I looked at Sally and I just couldn't say that. I nodded yes, and said that I was going to go tell everyone what was going on. As I went into the hall to tell everyone that Emily would be coming via c-section, I fell into Jacob's arms and just sobbed. I sobbed harder then I had in a long time. The exhaustion from the day had caught up to me. I could barely stand. I was scared. Scared for Kristina, scared for Emily.

We waited in the waiting room outside of the nicu. They were going to take Emily there for quick observation after she was born and I was to join her when they brought her in. We waited for what seemed like another few hours, althought it was only 40 minutes or so. Then the blinds to the nursery window were raised and I saw her. Next to my Tamara, she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. The nurse waved me back, they put the bracelet on me that matched the ones on Emily and Kristina. I asked how Kristina was, the nurse said she didn't know, she had left with Emily, but she was sure Kristina was fine. Then I asked for the details. Emily had been born at 5:26 a.m. Almost 23 hours after Kristina's water had broken. She weighed 9 lbs. 5 oz. and was 21 inches. Even if Kristina had a short labor, Emily still would have had to be born via c-section. She was just too big. They checked her blood sugar levels. A common practice for babies so large the nurse assured me. The results came back at 38. They like them to be at above 50. The nurse said that they would probably go up after we fed her. My stepmom came out. Kristina was doing well and resting in recovery.

Kristina wanted to be the one to place Emily in my arms so I hadn't held her yet. It was time. So we rolled Emily back to the recovery room so we could see Kristina. Emily was placed in Kristina's arms, and then I held her. It was the most beautiful moment. Unlike I ever could have imagined. The nurse handed me a bottle and I fed Emily. Sally went to get Jacob and I got to introduce him to his daughter. Now that was the most beautiful moment. We introduced Emily to my dad, and then took her back to the nicu nursery so Kristina could rest. We gave Emily her first bath and they checked her blood sugar levels again. They had gone down to 34. Not good. So they started an IV, which Emily kicked out. The nurse started a new one, Emily kicked her hand and blew the vein. The nurse put it in the other hand and eventually realized how much Emily likes to kick and moved it to her head. We brought Tamara back to introduce her to her new baby sister. And then went to the hotel to get some much needed rest. Emily would be in the nicu for a day or so, and then would be able to go to the regular nursery we were told.......... Obviously, that didn't happen.

Next post will be about our week in the nicu and the faith and strength we had to rely on to get us through it.

Happy Sweet 16 to the most wonderful birthmom ever!

2010-09-23T00:35:00.000-07:00

16 years ago I met a person who would forever change my life. Although I didn't know how at the time. 16 years ago, a little baby girl, was born to my aunt and uncle. Shortly after my dad and stepmom took custody of her in preparation to adopt her. 16 years ago, this little angel became my little sister.

(the little one here is my Tammy at 6 months old. The toddler is my little sister Kristina)

Many years passed and one Sunday afternoon in January of this year, I got a call from my dad asking if we were still looking to adopt. Yes was of course my answer. The conversation continued and it turns out there was a girl who was pregnant and considering placing her baby for adoption with Jacob and I. Something just told us that the expectant mom was Kristina, my sweet baby sister. 5 and a half weeks passed and the phone call came. Sure enough, our feelings were right. Kristina asked us to be the parents of the little baby girl she was carrying. We were honored. Months passed, doctor appointments came and went. Our relationship went from one of sibilings who didn't really know eachother that well (I was almost 16 when Kristina was born, so we didn't grow up together). And now our relationship is one of not only sister's, but friends, who have this common bond of love for a very special little girl named Emily.

Yes, Kristina forever changed our lives. 16 years ago I had no idea just how much my life would be changed. How complete my life would now be because of the love she has for the little one she carried.

To celebrate Kristina's birthday (which was actually yesterday, the 22nd, but I was busy with Emily so wasn't able to post till now) we had her come down on Saturday (along with our dad and my stepmom-Kristina's mom). We had a small BBQ, cake, ice cream and opened presents. It wasn't a big celebration, but we hope that it showed Kristina just a little of how much we love her.

Happy Birthday Little Sister! We love you!

(I know that I haven't shown Kristina's picture, or used her name on my blog until this post. Kristina said it was o.k. She is ready for the world to know her story, in hopes it will help others. She is going to do a guest post for my blog soon.)

Whirlwind

2010-09-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

It has been a whirlwind the past couple of months. First Baby Emily was born and we spent a week up in Logan with her in the NICU. Next it was getting ready for school and drill and trying to make sure the house was good before I left. This meant putting another sprinkler in the front for a area that we had put grass and three in the back where the deck had been. Then it was off to drill in Ft Irwin California for a week only to have the swamp cooler give out while I was gone and after our 1 year home warranty had expired. Got home and got the swamp cooler fixed with the help of some awesome ward members and also was given one that would help in the future. Finished up the next week with drill and then headed back to school after missing the first two weeks of classes and am trying to make that up. Along with all of this have been busy helping to take care of Emily who is a lovable little girl. I love my life though and wouldn't give any of it up. For those that are wondering this is Jacob posting on this blog for the first time.

Hope and Love

2010-08-21T00:56:00.001-07:00

Recently we went to our wonderful photographers house to have Emily's newborn photos done. (It is in the middle of wedding season and Ashley has been booked solid. So it was easier for her to fit us in if we went there. Normally she comes to you, but we wanted to make it easy on her so we went to her house.) The photos we have seen so far are nothing short of stunning! Stunning I tell you! I will share more later, but the one I wanted to share right now is this one.

If you have been a long time reader of my blog, you know the story of my necklace. In case you don't, or need a refresher, or you're just bored and want something to read, here it is.

Infertility has been a long time struggle of ours, like it has for so many other couples. We decided after 4 years of unsuccessful attempts to have a baby, that we would adopt. We decided to adopt through the states foster care system (not the same state we live in now). We signed up and were quickly approved to be not only adoptive parents, but to be foster parents as well. A few months passed by and we ended up having the sweetest, kindest, 8 yr old boy in our home. "I" was so great. Sure, he had his issues that we had to work on, what 8 yr old who has spent his entire life in foster care wouldn't. But together we worked on them. And he made huge improvements in our home. We applied to adopt him but were turned down by his caseworker because of my husband being military and possibly deploying. We were heartbroken. To make a long story short, it was another couple of years before I could think about adopting again. It has been almost 4 years since that horrible day we had to say goodbye to him. To this day I miss "I" and will always feel like he is our son.

Time went on, and eventually we felt it was time to adopt again. Not knowing if we could go through the heartache of losing another child in foster care, and after a lot of prayer and thought, we decided to adopt through our church's agency. We were going to wait till we moved back to Utah, but for some reason, on a Sunday afternoon in January of 2009 we felt we needed to start the process right then. So I called the agency the next morning and within a few months time we were approved. We expected that since we felt that urgency we would be chosen soon. Months passed and nothing. Our profile was being viewed but not a single prospect came up. Sept. rolled around and it was time to pack up and move to Utah since Jacob's time in the Active Duty Army was drawing to a close. Completely confused as to why we would have felt the overwhelming feeling that we had to start the process only to wait and wait we decided to put our efforts into getting settled into our new home and getting our file moved from the New Mexico agency to Utah. Mid-November came and we found out our file was updated and we were once again approved to adopt.

Right around this time I saw a posting on mrs. r's blog for her new business called the r house couture. She and her two besties make hand stamped jewlery and adoption wear. They have ready made peices, and custom made peices. I decided to get a custom one. I chose a design that had two circles with two beads. One circle says love. This represents the love that I have for my family. The other says hope. This represents the hope that we have that our family will grow. The beads are Jacob's birthstone, and Tamara's birthstome. The ladies at the r house did a beautiful job and far surpassed what I thought the necklace would look like.

So on Thanksgiving we went to my dad's house with pass along cards in hand and spread the word to the family who was there that we were hoping to adopt. A couple more months passed and I got a phone call. It was January 31, 2010. The person on the other end was my dad. He asked if we were still hoping to adopt. I said yes. He asked if we were with LDSFS, I said yes. He asked how he could see our profile online. I walked him through the how to's. Then he said he had to go. I told him he couldn't leave me hanging like that and had to tell me if he knew someone who was considering adoption. His answer, "we'll see, maybe." My next thought came out in the form of a question. "Is it K?" (As most of you know, K is my little sister, adopted by my dad and stepmom. Go here to read the rest of that story, it's an amazing one.) His answer was we'll see, maybe. A week later I asked my dad and stepmom if K was the person looking to place. They tried to tell me no, but somehow, we knew it was. (they didn't want K to feel pressure to make a decision knowing that we knew, so that is why they told us no).

On March 10, 2010 we got the call we had been waiting for. K had chosen us to be her baby's parents. And the baby, was a girl, due on July 29th. After a few months of dr. appointments, I contacted Lindsey and asked her for a new stone to put on my necklace. This stone would be a ruby. Little Emily's birthstone. After Emily was born I placed the stone on the necklace next to Jacob's and Tamara's stones. K had not yet signed the consent for the adoption, but it was my way of showing faith, hope and love, that things would work out. A week after Emily was born, with a smile on her face, knowing and at complete peace that she was doing what she needed to do, K signed the papers allowing us to be Emily's legal guardian's in preparation for the adoption.

So this picture to me, respresents what adoption is all about. Putting your trust, faith, hope and love in the Lord, that things will work out. Albeit in his time, and sometimes in very unexpected ways, but they will work out.

Will she be a fish?

2010-08-17T12:41:00.001-07:00

I gave Emily a bath this morning. Her first that I didn't have to sponge her down. I actualy ran the water over her. I thought she would SCREAM! I was wrong! She LOVED It! I think she is going to be a fish. When I was washing her hair she actually arched her back so she could get her head more under the water. Seriously, I didn't know 3 week old baby's had this much personality! I think we're in trouble. LOL

Can she get any cuter?!

2010-08-13T00:55:00.000-07:00

The answer to that would be yes! YES! She can get cuter. And she does! But seriously, just when I think she could never be any cuter, she proves me wrong. So I have just stopped asking myself if she can get any cuter. Because I know now the answer is yes. ;o)

Emily is now 2 and a half weeks old. We had her 2 week check up on Monday. The dr. said she is a happy, healthy, perfect baby! Emily has gained in weight and height. She is now 9 lbs. 10 oz. and is 21 and 3/4 inches. She is in size 1 diapers (the newborns have always been tight on her. They had to actually order size 1's in the hospital for her because the didn't have any. LOL) She has very few newborn clothes that fit her. She is mostly wearing 0-3 months. Emily can also hold her head up by herself (she is still slightly wobbly, but can hold her head up for minutes at a time). She also is trying to push herself up while she is on her tummy. She smiles a lot and LOVE'S to kick! She laughs, but only while she is sleeping. We are loving every sleepless, wonderful, blissful moment of our new lives as a family of 4!

Home Sweet Home!!!

2010-08-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

We're home!!!! We got a call Sunday morning from the dr. asking us if we wanted to bring the baby home. She was well enough to leave the hospital! The heart murmur wasn't detected, the rapid heartbeat is gone, the infection is gone, blood sugar levels are normal and the jaundice is gone! We were, needless to say, thrilled!! So after Emily's last round of antibiotics at 3 and then a couple of hours of bathing, changing, taking her newborn pics from the hospital and feeding her one last time (cause she was a hungry girl and couldn't wait) it was time to go!

After leaving the hospital we went to Emily's birth mom's house to visit. Such a wonderful visit.

Then we went back to the hotel

Monday afternoon (my dad's birthday, and Emily's 1 week birthday) was court where K signed relinquishment and consent forms and since there is no agency involved in our adoption, the judge signed legal guardianship of Emily to us.

Then it was time to come home!

What a wonderful few days it has been. K is never far from our thoughts. We owe her so much!

And finally, 9 years ago today, I married the most amazing man! Happy Anniversary Jacob!

Worth it......

2010-07-31T22:42:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was in Emily's room in the nicu and I was asked, "Is she worth it? even with all this (meaning the long week, time in the nicu, the long wait to have her, everything)." My response at the time was simply, "every second has been worth it." Well tonight they took out Emily's IV because it was not flushing right and she only needs it for the antibiotics now, so the nurse took it out temporarily. She is putting it back in before her next round of antibiotics, she just wanted to give Emily a little rest from it all. Jacob was there, but he was really tired and hasn't been sleeping well, so I sent him back to the hotel and I stayed there for a while longer.

As I sat there in the quite of her room, no other babies crying, no monitors beeping, a low buzz of the nurses talking, with my baby girl cuddled in my arms, my thoughts went back to that question. "Is she worth it?" I started to cry as I realized, she is more then worth it. We waited 9 years for this little one. All the heartache, all the tears, all the stress, all the worry. Every. last. bit. of it. has been worth it. I would wait another 9 years if it meant being Emily's mommy. I would wait a lifetime, if it meant being Emily's mommy. I would spend months in the nicu if it meant being her mommy. I would spend years there, if it meant being her mommy. Is she worth it? YES! With every inch of my being, YES!

There was a time when I never thought this day would come. And so many of my friends are out there right now, wondering if their day will come. My answer to you my friends is, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to jump every time the phone rings. To wonder, every time you check your email, if this will be the day, if that will be the email, if this phone call will be the one. I know what it's like to cry so many tears that you wonder if you will ever stop. I know what it's like to feel like giving up, wondering if any of this is worth it. My answer is, the tears of sorrow, will stop, and be replaced with tears of peace and joy. Someday, that phone call will be the one, or that email will be the one. That day will come. And when it does, everything, will be worth it!

My thoughts then turned to K... Our sweet angel. I look at Emily and I see her. I spoke to Emily of the immense love that K has for her. How much she will always love this little one that she gave life to. I spoke to her about how strong Emily herself is, and how she gets her strength from K who is perhaps one of the strongest people I know. We love you K! Thank you so much for giving us the gift of parenthood. We will make you proud.

Fasting and Prayers

2010-07-30T23:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Family and Friends,
As you all know our little Emily was born early Monday morning and has been in the NICU since shortly after birth. She is improving, and if all continues to go well, we should be able to take Emily home next Tuesday (which how cool would that be! That is our 9th wedding anniversary). This Sunday is Fast Sunday. We would like to ask that you and your individual families remember Emily and her birth mom K in your fasting and prayers on Sunday. If you are unable to fast, will you please say a special prayer. Please bless that Emily will continue to improve and that we will be able to take her home soon. Also, K is going to court on Monday to relinquish her rights which will allow us to bring Emily home when the time comes, and allow us to proceed with the adoption. K is doing well and is very much at peace with her decision. Please bless her, that she will continue to feel strength, peace and comfort in her decision. That she will always know of the love that we all have for her. Thank you for your continued prayers and love.
With Love, Sharon, Jacob, Tammy, & Emily