After 4 years of fertility testing we stopped trying. We needed a break, bad. Trying to have a baby that long definitely takes a toll on you emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. During that time I had to opportunity to be a Visiting Teacher for a woman who adopted and whose son adopted as well. The story of her first grandchild’s adoption brought tears to my eyes. I remember saying something to the affect of “Families are supposed to be together, no matter how they come together.” I didn’t think anything of it at the time.
Five days later, Gavin and I were having Family Home Evening. At the end, he got serious and said he wanted to talk to me about something. That definitely scared me, he’s normally not so somber! ;)
He said that for the past year-ish he’d been feeling like we needed to look into adoption. I was shocked. I felt like considering adoption was closing the door on possibly getting pregnant. I wasn’t ready for the finality of that. It hurt. Bad. I made myself open my heart and my mind to consider it. The words I had spoken only five days ago came back into my mind. I had to stop and ask myself if I believed what I had said. I decided I did. We prayed about adoption that night together and both felt that we should proceed. What a night.
Over the next several months we filled out endless paperwork, crossed our fingers, prayed our hearts out, and went through all the legal hoops necessary to become approved to adopt. I really appreciated the sweet support we had from the few people who knew.
During this time I discovered the wonderful support network of adoption blogging. I met some amazing people whose friendships I absolutely cherish. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if not for these wonderful friends.
About 11 months after we made the decision to adopt, we were approved through LDS Family Services for adoption. We were thrilled but I tried to restrain myself from getting too optimistic. I knew it could take years to be picked. But then I’d heard of couples getting picked in 1 month! I really tried not thinking about those couples too much lol.
Well, 3 months after we’d been approved my husband called me at work one fine Monday in June. An attorney had called him, who knew a birth mother who was expecting in August. Could we meet tonight to talk more? Oh heck yes we could! Turns out, this attorney was the father of a friend who had our blog button on their blog. We will forever be indebted to those sweet friends who helped spread the word of our adoption plans!
I was incredibly nervous prior to meeting the attorney. I really didn’t want to get my hopes up. But as soon as I saw him, I felt instant calm. We found out more about the birth mother and that she was expecting a boy. Yes I definitely destined him for soccer cleats and football before I even knew he was ours! I couldn’t help being excited and hopeful!
Two days later we met the birth mother. It was ironic because my husband, normally the calm one, was nervous and I, normally the very nervous one, was totally calm driving to meet her. The meeting went well and I totally felt like we hit it off. I felt we could have been sisters. We clicked. She told us she wanted us to be the parents and I squeezed Gavin’s hand under the table. She then gave us ultrasound photos from his 2 month appointment. I can’t describe the wonder and love that washed over me as I looked at his precious photos. I couldn’t believe, looking at the photo of that tiny lil boy, that he would be our son.
After we left we headed home to pour out our gratitude in prayer to our Heavenly Father. Then we hit up my fav restaurant to celebrate! I couldn’t stop staring at one of his photos. I think I even had it propped up near my napkin lol. We started spreading our good news. Definitely one of the best days of my life. Ever.
I laugh every time I think of the day our lil man made his arrival. It was Wed Aug 11, 2.5 weeks before due date. She was having one of her last checkups before his arrival. Gavin and I were leaving work early to be there. That morning she passed her mucus plug. Up till then I had been on edge over every single Braxton Hicks contraction she had. But that day I was totally calm and unruffled. I kept telling myself it would probably be soon, but not today so I wasn’t worried. Later when leaving for the appt. I had the feeling to take my personal belongings home from work with me. I followed the prompting, but still didn’t think anything of it. Silly me.
I remember the nurse putting him on the warming table to clean him up and it was like time had stopped all around me. As corny as that sounds it’s so true. I just remember walking over to him and looking down in wonder. I’m pretty sure I was crying. I held out my finger and he grabbed on. He had been crying but calmed down then. In my heart, that is when I became his Mother. I had always been told of what becoming a parent felt like, but I can’t find the words to adequately express the love and wonder of that moment.
The pain I felt during the 5 years of trying to get pregnant has been completely erased and filled with the joy of being a Mother. Every moment is precious, every day wonderful. I wouldn’t trade any of the pain or trials that led us to our son. They are part of the beautiful story of how we became a family.