Welcome to our corner of the web! Here you will learn about our family and our journey of a family member adoption. In July of 2010, after 9 years of trying to add to our family and 5 years after we started our adoption journey, we welcomed baby Emily Rose. Emily's birth mom is Sharon's adopted sister. We look forward to someday adopting more children but for now, we are enjoying our time together as a family of 4!

Monday, November 30, 2009

A Birth Mom's Journey: Joniece's story, my letter to you.

A few weeks ago mrs. r posted a letter on her blog written by her youngest sons birth mom. It is a beautifully written letter and I wanted to share it. My hope is that if you are an unexpectant, expectant mother, that this may help you in your decision making. Thank you Joniece for your beautiful words and for sharing your story in such a heart felt way.

Dear "un-expecting" expecting mother,

I remember the day like it was yesterday.. I was on my knees sobbing repeating "My life is over." Nothing else was going through my mind at that point, other than the fact that I didn't believe what had happened... It was the day I found out I was pregnant. I was 18 years old, in school, and jobless. I was not even in an "actual" relationship with the birth-father at the time. "OH MY GOSH."

Adoption was never an option for me at first. It was an all or nothing type deal for me. Either I kept him or I was going to abort him. Afterall, there was no way I could have my child out there being raised by others. However, I couldn't tell my father.. It would upset and dissapoint him way to much. I was so confused on what to do! Not to mention my ex-boyfriend wasn't the most supportive... He begged me to get an abortion at first. And that my friend, is what I had planned on doing. Abortion... it was the only logical and easiest choice for everyone involved. Keeping in mind, I was raised and still am a catholic and that is against my religion... But really what other choice did I have.

I urge speaking to someone whose advice you trust greatly, whether it be a friend or a family member. I spoke to my best friend Chris. We had been best friends since 11yrs old and he always knew what to say, although this time.. he didn't really. He was sort of in shock... I honestly thought he would stop talking to me because of the choice I had made, but he didn't.. he assured me he loved me and wouldn't stop being my friend. He asked me what I was going to do and I told him I had no Idea, but was thinking about abortion. He told me he didn't agree with that option but would love me no matter what. Chris then told me about how his brother and sister-n-law had adopted and she could give me more information about it. ( I knew this beforehand as well) I told him okay, but honestly still shrugged off the idea of adoption. The main thing I got from our conversation is, "he told me to pray, just pray for the answer." And i did exactly this. I prayed for god to give me the answer to what I was supposed to do and make it clear to me.. Within the next couple of day I could see his answer start to un-ravel. I no longer wanted an abortion.

My ex and I had decided to parent without being in a relationship and just share responsibilities. How sad was this? My baby was going to not only be raised in a broken home, but born into one. I could deal with that fact at the time though. My relationship or lack-thereof with my ex was horrible. Before and during my pregnancy there were encounters that went from verbal arguements and abuse to physical. This was the deal breaker for me.

I could handle my baby being born to parents who were not together, but I would not stand for him being born and part of an abusive family. I then made the hardest decision I've ever made.. Parenting was not the option for my baby & I. I wanted him to grow up in a loving and nurturing family. One who would read together, sing together, pray together, eat together and overall love together. That was the important thing..LOVE. I wanted him to have it all because of how much I already loved him. Not that my family couldn't love him or didn't do those things.. I ASSURE you they wanted him just as much as I did. But it was about him.. and his parents.. and siblings and his life. I mean this is not just a choice for when he is a baby. It's making a choice for his WHOLE life, the life I wanted him to lead while on earth.

Adoption made this possible. I made it possible.

I'm not going to sugar coat it and tell you all of it is rainbows and butterflies, because it wasn't and still isn't a year plus later. It's hard. VERY hard. The hardest thing I've ever done. But it was MY choice. and it was the RIGHT choice for my baby & I.

That's all I want you to get out of this, it is YOUR choice. No one else's. (I REPEAT "NO ONE ELSE's") You are the only one carrying your baby. I can't sit here and say adoption is the right choice for every single person, every single scenario. But I want you to know it is an option and a good one at that. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

"No choice you make for yourself, is the wrong choice"- Sal Loya ( a very wise man *wink*)


just remember this.

it is what got me by.


If you ever need to talk about anything or have any questions PLEASE PLEASE email me at
loyjoniece@aol.com. It's available 24/7 haha.
Go Here to read Joniece's original post on her blog.

No comments: