The Sealing and Blessing.

Well, we did it! Saturday we were sealed to our beautiful baby girl! It was a beautiful moment. The day started out rocky. As usual we were running late. I never used to be late, but it seems since moving back to Utah, I am always running late. Saturday was no exception. So, after checking and double checking to make sure we had everything we needed, I drove like crazy to get to Provo on time. I didn't speed, I just drove crazy (while not breaking any laws of course, but I only just barely didn't break laws). And I only just barely got us there on time. It was raining and snowing and cold and wet. So we knew with Emily having been sick on top the weather, a lot of pictures were definately not going to happen.




Emily did great. My mom had her in the nursery until it was time for her to come up. When they brought Emily in she was mesmerized by the chandelier. She did fuss a little, but that lasted only seconds. She was really tired though because when we went back to pick her up from the nursery, even though she had 3 of her grandparents with her (my mom and both of Jacob's parents took her back to the nursery), she was crying. Jacob took her from his dad and she kept crying. So I took her and within minutes she put her head on my shoulder and fell asleep. So the few pictures we did get outside had Emily sleeping.




Kristina was there. She waited outside in the car until we were ready to come out (she didn't want to wait in the waiting room). We got several pictures with her and several more of her with Emily by themselves. It would not have been the same without her there.

Sunday was Emily's blessing. She did great! Jacob was starting to get emotional before he even took her up. I'll admit, I was too. It was short, but beautiful. My sister-in-law Janele (Jacob's oldest sister) knows short hand and so she wrote Em's blessing down, well, most of it. Which is good, because I was too emotional to know much of what was being said. I didn't take any pictures on Sunday, which is sad. We had a luncheon open house at our house Sunday afternoon after the blessing. Our house was filled to the brim with our loved ones. I didn't know we could fit so many people in our house. And it was so great to have all of them here to love and support us.

It was, as I thought it would be, a bittersweet weekend though. I missed Tamara at the temple and I missed her at the blessing. I understand that she is uncomfortable with religious things. And I wouldn't have wanted her there knowing she would have been uncomfortable (to say that she would have been uncomfortable is an understatement). But still, my heart ached to have her there. I'm glad that those who were able to make it, and brave the weather on both days, were able to be there. What a beautiful special weekend it was.

Tamara is taking photography in school and she is going to take some pictures of Emily in her blessing dress for me. I really wanted to get pictures of all of us, but the money just isn't there to hire someone, so we will make do with what we can. And Tamara has the eye so I know she will do great. Until I have those to share, here are a couple of pictures that I got from Saturday at the temple. A few of these are from Kristina's camera. Thanks for letting me use them Tina!

Jacob, me & Emily outside the Provo Temple after the sealing.

The one who made it all possible. Kristina holding Emily.

My mom made Emily's dress and a bib to match, my aunt made her sweater, a lady at church made her hat, and my sister Ginny made her blanket.


Emily and I after the sealing in the entrance of the temple, waiting to go out for pictures. She was soooo tired! Right after this picture was taken she laid her head down and went to sleep.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, She's OURS!!!

Just a quick note, the judge signed the decree, the clerk stamped it with the court seal, and our lawyer delivered the paperwork to us and..... SHE'S OURS!!! It's official! Emily is now officially, and legally, our daughter! When I picked Tamara up from school today I told her that it was final, that Emily was now legally her sister. Her response was, "She's always been my sister mom". And she's right, Emily has always been Tamara's sister, and has always been our daughter, but, to have it legally recognized now, it's final, well, that is fantastic!

It's Final!!! (Sort of)

I know I need to do Emily's 6 month post. (Can you beleive she is 6 months!) But I wanted to write about what we did today.

Last week I got a call from our most awesome lawyer. Dean Ellis is his name. If you are in Utah and need an adoption attorney, look no further. Dean rocks! Seriously! He was on vacation in southern Utah (seriously, it was freezing here, gorgeous weather there, can you blame him. I was a little jealous, I'll admit it). Anywho, Dean had a court date for us. It was today. I couldn't beleive it! Well, we went to court today and found out (per the most awesome judge we had) we actually could not finalize today. Before you can finalize in our state, it has to be 6 months after placement. Placement should have been July 27th. So we should have been able to finalize today. But because Emily was in the hospital for a week, and because of Kristina's long, horrible, labor, that resulted in a c-section, and Kristina herself having some health issues after delivery, Kristina wasn't able to sign until August 2nd. So technically we couldn't finalize until around the 2nd or 3rd of February. It's an oversight. It was no ones fault. It happens. This is why a friend told me, that you shouldn't schedule your temple sealing for the same weekend you are set to finalize the adoption. (Especially if like us, you have people who may be coming in from out of town.) That, and court could always be rescheduled, this is part of the reason why our sealing isn't until the 19th of Feb. I wanted to give leeway if we needed it. Turns out we did.

When we found out we couldn't finalize today we were also told we may need to come back next week. Our awesome lawyer talked to the judge who allowed us to go ahead and be sworn in, give testimony today, and sign papers today. So here's how it went down.

We made it downtown in really good time (20 minutes, which is awesome in rush hour traffic! And I didn't break a single traffic law to get us there. :D). We found the courthouse, parked, went up to the courtroom and waited outside. Dean got there shortly after we did and took us into a private room to go over the paperwork with us. We were then brought in to the courtroom to find out that the judge would be meeting with us in her chambers.

(Jacob and Emily waiting to go into the courtroom)

We got back there and found out the judge wasn't in yet. So we were taken into the jury room to have a seat until she was ready for us. It was there that we found out that we couldn't finalize today. I'll be honest, my heart dropped a little. We were then taken into the judges chambers. I don't know what I was expecting. But whatever it was, it wasn't what I found. We walked in and the room was very inviting. Sitting behind the desk was a very sweet, pretty woman in a business type outfit. I was surprised she didn't have on robes. Then I realized she wanted to put us at ease. She certainly did. There was some joking and I was pleasently surprised to find out that not only is she an adoptive mom as well, but her daughters name is Emily too. How funny! We took our seats and were sworn in. She was going to allow us to give testimony and sign the forms so we didn't have to come back. She would sign on the 3rd and file the paperwork then. So our adoption will actually be final on the 3rd, but all the paperwork is done.

Anyhow, after we were sworn in I was asked some questions. I had heard about some of the questions, so I thought I was prepared, but truth be told, I was still emotional. Questions like,

"Do you understand that by entering into this adoption today, it will be irrevocable?"

"You've have 6 months of taking care of this baby, do you feel that she is a good fit for your family?"

"Do you feel that you are able to care for this child, financially, spiritually, physically?"

"You understand that by adopting this child, that she will be as if she was your natural child, like she was born to you?"

In all, there were about 15 questions that I was asked. Then Jacob was asked a few questions. Afterwards the judge declared that once she signed the papers on the 3rd, that her findings would be that it is in the best interests of Emily to be adopted by us. That she would be legally our child, as if she was born to us. It was surreal. After the proceedings we talked a little more, she showed us pictures of her kids. We talked about how her son is into photography as well. She applauded my choice of camera. She is a Canon person as well when it comes to cameras. Then she posed for a picture with us.

(from left to right: Jacob, Me, Emily, Judge Atherton)

The judge then put her robes on and headed to the courtroom to start her regular day. Our lawyer led us downstairs the back way so that we wouldn't disrupt the court. Once we got downstairs I realized we hadn't gotten a picture of Dean. So he was kind enough to pose for a photo with a very tired Emily.

(Dean Ellis, a.k.a., the most rockin' awesomest adoption attorney around! Holding our sweet Emily.)

Emily fell asleep on the drive home so when we got home she was all smiles. Here is a picture of Emily in her oh so cute dress that Tamara picked out for the occasion. (Tamara was at school in case you were wondering.)

(Our Girl after court today January 27, 2011)

So it's not technically official, but she's ours!!! I didn't think it would matter. I mean, to us, Emily has been our daughter since day 1. But to be honest, to have it recognized legally, that she's ours. It's a really HUGE deal! Next stop, the temple! YAY!!

At last!

It's funny that last night I posted about waiting for our phone call with our date. Because this afternoon, guess what we got? YAY!!! We will officially and legally become Emily's mom & dad next week! It will be a big week for us since she also turns 6 months old next week as well. We are sooooo excited! We are looking at mid- Feb. for the temple sealing and blessing. I can't wait till the day we get to walk up to this gorgeous building with our baby girl and have her sealed to us as our daughter for eternity. Very soon!

Waiting.......

Adoption is full of waiting. Waiting to be approved, waiting to be chosen, waiting for baby to come, waiting for placement.....

Right now, we're waiting....... Waiting for a phone call...... Emily is almost 6 months old. She will be 6 months next Wednesday, so in just over a week. In our state you can finalize your adoption after 6 months of the child being in your home. Even though our adoption is a family member adoption, we still are required to wait 6 months. Any day now we should be getting a call with our finalization date at the courts. I'm getting anxious. Trying to keep myself busy. Our cousin adopted a baby boy last year. She said to keep ourselves busy because the waiting will drive us crazy. Jacob is busy with work, school, the reserves, his church calling, our latest home improvement project. Me? I'm plenty busy. Tamara is starting driver's ed tomorrow (well, today actually since it 2a.m. on Tuesday), and she's joining the track team at her school. So I'm busy with all of that, plus Emily is growing so much. I'm busy with church callings (yes, I said callings, I have a few), making cakes and other things for various committments I have, helping to plan the adoption retreat in March, and so many other things, but yet, some how, that phone call is all I can think about.

I am in no way complaining. So many I know are still waiting for the phone call that they have been chosen. And if it weren't for Kristina, I have no doubt we would still be waiting as well. I have other friends whose babies were born after Emily, as in a month + after her. But they have their court date already. We have a fabulous lawyer, so it is in no way his fault that we don't have our date yet. The circumstances with Emily's birthfather are different, so that took some extra paperwork on our lawyers part. Who knows why we are still waiting. The scenerios are whats getting to me. Wondering if something went wrong. We are so close to Emily officially becoming ours. I didn't think it would matter to me. To me, she has always been our daughter. I thought it would just be paperwork. No big deal. The closer we get though, the more anxious I am. The more I am realizing it does matter. It matters a whole lot. It is a big deal. Like I said, to me, she has been my daughter, and I her mother. But to have the law recognize that.... It. is. a. big. deal. But, I still worry.... Until we are in court and the judge signs the papers, I think I will continue to worry. That's just who I am. And so..... we wait......

How do you explain family adoption?

If you have been a long time reader of my blog, you know that our journey to adoption started years ago. When we began our journey we in no way thought that our child's birthmom would be someone we knew, let alone were related to.

Now that she is here though, I couldn't see it being any other way. Emily will be able to grow up with me as her mom, and Jacob as her dad, and Tamara as her sister. But she will have her Kristina. I have been asked many times if we will tell Emily who her birthmom is. Of course we will. We actually already do. We tell everyone who Emily's birthmom is. It's not something we hide or ever will. When Kristina called us I asked her what she wanted Emily to call her. She said that she was fine with Emily calling me mom, and Jacob dad, because we are her parents. And that she wants Emily to call her Aunt Kristina (or Auntie Tina) and that she is ok with Emily knowing she is her birthmom. We will tell Emily that mommy's tummy was broken, and I couldn't carry anymore children, but that she was so special Heavenly Father knew she needed to come to our family, and that he chose a very special way for her to come. He chose a very special person who carried Emily in her tummy and kept her safe. Although Emily is too young to understand, in a way I think she knows how special her Tina is. I mean, look at how she looks at Kristina:

They will have a relationship like no other. And I love that. I love adoption.

It must have been so much easier.......

"It must have been so much easier for you, having Emily's birthom related to you. You knew she wouldn't change her mind so you didn't have to worry."

This is a statement we heard a lot before Emily was born, and still hear all the time. There are a few things I'd like to clear up when it comes to family member adoption.

One, adoption is never easy, whether family member adoption or not. Worth it, yes, Easy, no.

Two, we didn't know that Kristina wouldn't change her mind. The worry was still there. Adoption is a choice. Kristina had her choice with whether to place Emily for adoption or not. She had a choice on whether to place her with us or not. She, like everyone who is making an adoption plan, had the right to change her mind at any time, before and after Emily was born.

Three, just because Kristina is related to us, the wait between when we found out Kristina chose us, and the time she signed relinquishement allowing us to adopt Emily, was not, contary to popular beleif, "easier" then it would have been if Kristina was not related to us. I can't speak for others who have been through a family adoption, but for us, it was definately not easier.

Imagine if you will, waiting, hoping, praying to be chosen. Praying that someone will trust you enough to be the parents of their child. Now imagine getting "the call" saying that a birthmom has chosen you. You go through 5 months of the pregnancy, you prepare and get everything ready. Wash all the clothes, decorate the nursery, pack for the hospital, and tell everyone you know, (and even some you don't) that your baby is finally coming, through the miracle of adoption.

Now, imagine getting "the call" that the time has come. Your baby is on her way. You frantically pack the car, make all your phone calls, and drive to the hospital. You sit next to this brave young woman who is bringing new life into this world. Life that she is intrusting into your hands and heart. Finally the moment is here. You see that precious baby for the very first time. You hold her, love her, kiss her, feel her little hand wrapped around your finger, hear her cries, sooth her, you are her mother.

Now, imagine, this young woman, has made the decision to parent her child. You love her, support her, but your heart is breaking. You leave the hospital empty handed. You return home to find the nursery you were supposed to bring a baby home to, now sits empty. Every moment of every day you wonder how that sweet precious baby is doing, what she looks like now. You go to a family function and you see her. The little one who you thought would be yours. You watch her grow, you see someone else who is her mother. And you wonder, how will you ever go on, knowing that little one, was supposed to be yours. It is this scenerio that we feared, every single day for the entire duration of Kristina's pregnancy. We feared it not only then, but more so during the week Emily was in the nicu after she was born. Kristina had not yet signed her relinquishment and consent. We spent up to 18 hours a day in the nicu with Emily, yet, at any time Kristina could have made a different decision.

Please, do not think that by writting this post I am discounting what those who have gone through a failed adoption have faced and felt. I can't even begin to imagine the pain they have gone through. I have several friends who have gone through a failed adoption. I have seen their worst nightmares come true. What I am saying is, a failed adoption is something I think every hopeful couple fears. It may not be this way for everyone, but for us, it was magnified because we are related to Kristina. Because we knew, if she "changed her mind", we would either have to cut ourselves off from everyone in that part of our family, or we would have to see Emily grow up with someone else as her parents, knowing that this was the baby we had waited and hoped and prayed for all those years. And we would never be the ones she called mom and dad. We would never be the ones she came to when she scraped her knee, or when she did well in a dance recital. We would not be the ones to help her with her homework, or teach her to ride a bike.

How did we get through that fear. The answer is simple, yet it is the hardest to accept at times. Faith... We had faith, not that Emily would be ours, although we did have faith in that. But the faith that we relied on, was the faith that everything would be o.k. It would turn out according to Heavenly Father's plan.

As I sat in church today and sang the closing hymn in Sacrament, my heart was filled with gratitude for a loving Heavenly Father and for Kristina. The closing hymn was my favorite hymn. Because I Have Been Given Much. It sums up perfectly how adoption makes me feel.

Question: Would you do a privatized adoption again? And what are the pro's and con's?

Question from Formspring: Would you ever do a private adoption again? What were the pro's and con's that you experienced?


Answer:

With a private adoption, we do still have to wait the required 6 months before we can finalize, just like any other adoption in Utah. We also still had to do a post placement visit and hired our agency to do that. (Although normally you would have to do 3 post placement visits, we only had to do one)

One of the pro's for us, the cost. I know that sounds awful, but let me explain, The attorney we found (he was actually recommended to us by two different people, one who is a birthmom) is very honest and doesn't overcharge. He charges us based on our case, which he does with all adoptions, instead of treating every adoption the same, and charging the same (I talked to a few attorney's who charged the same no matter what). Let me stress that in most cases, a private adoption normally costs more, and sometimes considerably more. Ours was less because when we went to our attorney, Kristina (Emily's birthmom) had already chosen us. All our attorney needed to do was the court stuff. Our adoption being a family member adoption also weighed into the cost. I know others who had done a private adoption, and they spent thousands more then we did. A family adoption takes considerably less paperwork then a regular private adoption. We also had more control over how things went. Rather then having someone tell us how things would go, we were able to, with Kristina, make a plan together of how things would go at the hospital and after (that was actually a pro, and a con). Of course nothing worked out how we planned, but it worked out all the same.

One of the cons about not having an agency, in an agency facilitated adoption, the agency works out placement and the details of that and the relinquishment and consent. We didn't have that. Our attorney did a good job with the relinquishment and consent (which we had to so a week later at the courthouse) but we were on our own when it came to placement (in most situtations he would have worked that out too, but because ours was a family member adoption, we were on our own). My main reason for wanting to do an agency adoption was our child's birthmom being able to seek counseling should she wish from the agency. Because we did a private adoption, that was not avaliable as part of our adoption.

There are pro's and con's to all types of adoptions, whether a family member adoption, a private adoption, foster adoption, agency adoptions, etc. Really it's just what's best for your family. We prayed long and hard about our adoption. We felt that it was right for us. Because Emily's birthmom is a family member, we had no choice but to do a private adoption. But it has been good for us.

As to whether we would do a private adoption again? We would again pray long and hard about it before saying yes to any potential adoption, whether it ended up being a family member adoption, private adoption, agency adoption. etc.

If you have questions about our adoption, or family member & private adoptions in general, you can either leave a comment here, email me, or ask on formspring.

Don't forget about the giveaway and special from Envision Image! A compelet blog redesign for a hoping to adopt family, and a photo session special for hoping to adopt families, adoptive families and birthparents! For details see yesterday's post.

Question: Did you use an agency, or was the adoption private?

If you look to the right hand column of my blog you will see a box for Formspring. Formspring is a website where you can ask questions to anyone with an account. You can ask with the person knowing it's you, or you can ask anonymously.

I have been asked several questions about our adoption, particularly because it is a family member adoption. So I figured as part of National Adoption Month I would answer those questions here on my blog as well (I answer questions as they are asked on Formspring). I will try to answer them in more detail here as well.

Question as asked on Formspring: Because of your relationship with Emily's birthmother, did you use an agency, or was the adoption private?

Answer: Actually because it is a family member adoption, our agency (as is the case with most agencies I think), could not facilitate our adoption. We used a private adoption attorney. Best attorney ever! We did use our agency for our post placement visit and our attorney got our file from them for the background checks that are required for any adoption. Our adoption isn't final yet. We still have to wait the required 6 month waiting period. That will be up at the end of January and we will be able to go to court to finalize at some point in February.

As part of adoption month, I will be offering some giveaways, (including a photo session for a hoping to adopt family in the AZ area!) so stay tuned for that. Until then, I wanted to tell you about my friend Angie's giveaway. Angie is an adoptive momma of two of the cutest little boys (seriously, he son Adam has cheeks and a smile that is to die for! I giggle every time I see his picture.) Angie is also a fabulous photographer (Check out her site, Ray Of Sunshine Photography)! She is offering a photo session and disc of images, fully edited to a hoping to adopt couple. It doesn't matter where you live, just as long as you are willing to travel to Utah County for the session. She has several ways you can win. Check out the link for more details: http://claytonandangie.blogspot.com/2010/11/national-adoption-monthand-photography.html

Good Luck!