Beginning again?

Because our adoption with Emily is a family member adoption we could have adopted another child at any time, including when Emily was born or even before. In fact the very day we got a call saying that Kristina had chosen us, we also got a call from our case worker, not two hours before saying that a baby had been born the night before with Down Syndrome. The baby's parents were painfully considering adoption because they did not know if they could care for this baby the way she deserved. (the parents were married with 4 other children and didn't know how they would be able to care for a special needs child as well since they didn't make a lot of money to begin with.) I can't imagine how hard that decision must have been for them. We had to make the decision on whether we would like to have our profile presented to them. Jacob's Aunt has Down Syndrome and our case worker knows this. So she called to see if we would want our profile presented because we were one of the families who had marked that we were o.k. with Down Syndrome in our profile with the agency. We considered it, but by the time we found out we were chosen by Kristina we had already made the decision to not have our profile presented. It was a really hard decision. I spent the next 24 hours wondering if we had made the right decision. But ultimately we felt that the parents were the ones to raise this sweet baby. And we were right. The next day we got a call saying that the family had been given help and resources to help with the care of their little one and they had chosen to parent. I was so happy for them. After informing our case worker that we were indeed chosen by Kristina, I asked her if this other family had chosen adoption, would we have been able to still be "in the running". She said that yes, because Emily was a family member adoption, we could absolutely adopt at any other time. Just before Emily was born we chose to have our file put on hold so that we could adapt to having a baby in the house and concentrate on our new family member. We didn't close our file, just put it on hold. And because we didn't adopt through our agency we won't have to do the full application process again should we choose to take our file off hold. We will need to update a few things, but that will be it.

Which brings me to a few weeks ago. We got an email from our case worker. She is leaving the agency to become a stay at home mommy. We are so happy for her, but sad to lose her as our case worker. She wanted to set up a meeting with us to discuss when we want to take our file off hold and to also introduce us to our new case worker. So that brings us to now. Our meeting with them is tomorrow. We need to decide what we are going to do as far as our future hopes to adopt. Do we want to pursue adoption again? If you had asked us a few months ago we would have said no. At the beginning when Emily was first born we couldn't wait to add to our family again. As the months went by we had pretty much decided that we were done. Not because we didn't feel we were supposed to adopt again, but because we didn't know if we could go through the waiting process again. So how do we decide. We have no idea..... We have prayed about it, we feel that we should adopt again. But we are just so scared of what the future holds. What if we wait years again? What if we are chosen right away? What if we are never chosen again? And so.... tomorrow, we talk to our new case worker. And we have pretty much decided we will tell them we are ready to start again. We want Emily to have another sibling. She loves Tamara to death, but by the time she is in school, Tamara will be out of the house and either off at college or married or both. We want Emily to have another sibling close to her in age. And we feel like our family is not complete. And so.... we begin again......


We have a family photo session set up for this weekend by the awesome Angie from Ray Of Sunshine Photography. We were originally going to do the shoot to celebrate Tamara's 16th birthday, Emily's upcoming 1st birthday and our upcoming 10th Anniversary, but it's looking like we will also use the photos for pass along cards and updating our profile. Exciting.... but nervous too!

Finally, the 6 month post!

Little Miss Em is getting way too big, way too fast. At her 6 month check up a couple of weeks ago she was 19 lbs. 4.5 oz. and 28 1/4 inches. Ya, she's a big girl! She is 96% for her weight, and 99% for her height! Considering she was born in the 95% for both, she is growing right where she should be. The dr. is really pleased with her growth so far. She was impressed that Emily was sitting up by herself for several minutes at a time. Emily now sits up by herself for as long as she feels like it. By that I mean, she'll sit there and when she gets tired of sitting she just lays down. It's too funny! I put her toys around her and she will just play for a long time! She is starting to try to crawl. She will get on her belly and try to put her legs up underneath her and then she'll get frustrated after a few minutes. I would say that she will probably be crawling in the next month or so. She loves to try to feed herself, although she doesn't always get the spoon in her mouth, so we give her an empty spoon. I'll feed her and then give her the spoon when I'm done and she'll play with the empty spoon for a bit. She loves it. She now eats baby food twice a day, and has 3-4 bottles through out the day. We are also trying the sippy cup, but so far she isn't interested. We'll keep trying though.

She continues to entertain us with her cuteness. She says mama, dada, and a lot of other jumbled baby words that no one but her understands, which is to say she is extremely vocal! She loves to blow raspberries in the midst of her babbling, and we have had to walk out of classes at church on more then one occassion (read, it's a weekly occurance) because she's so talkative and is disrupting the class. She is a generally happy baby, still sleeps 7-10 hours at night, still hates naps during the day, wears 9-12 month clothes and size 3 diapers. Her reflux seems to be getting better day by day. We still have to watch very closely what she takes in food wise. I make all her baby food to cut down on the risk of her having an episode (for lack of a better term). We tried her on juice but she had issues with the asorbic acid they put in juices for preservation purposes, so we'll be waiting on juice for a while (the dr. doesn't want us to make her juice, she says just hold off on juice for a while). All in all everything is going great. Emily is a very inquizative child and is always watching what's going on around her, and grabs at everything she can get her hands on. She is drooling up a storm and we're hoping she will be cutting teeth soon (she started teething months ago, but no tooth has broken through yet). Anyhow, there you have it, a couple of weeks late, but that is how Emily is doing at 6 months old. I can't beleive how quickly she is growing up! Crazy!

It's Final!!! (Sort of)

I know I need to do Emily's 6 month post. (Can you beleive she is 6 months!) But I wanted to write about what we did today.

Last week I got a call from our most awesome lawyer. Dean Ellis is his name. If you are in Utah and need an adoption attorney, look no further. Dean rocks! Seriously! He was on vacation in southern Utah (seriously, it was freezing here, gorgeous weather there, can you blame him. I was a little jealous, I'll admit it). Anywho, Dean had a court date for us. It was today. I couldn't beleive it! Well, we went to court today and found out (per the most awesome judge we had) we actually could not finalize today. Before you can finalize in our state, it has to be 6 months after placement. Placement should have been July 27th. So we should have been able to finalize today. But because Emily was in the hospital for a week, and because of Kristina's long, horrible, labor, that resulted in a c-section, and Kristina herself having some health issues after delivery, Kristina wasn't able to sign until August 2nd. So technically we couldn't finalize until around the 2nd or 3rd of February. It's an oversight. It was no ones fault. It happens. This is why a friend told me, that you shouldn't schedule your temple sealing for the same weekend you are set to finalize the adoption. (Especially if like us, you have people who may be coming in from out of town.) That, and court could always be rescheduled, this is part of the reason why our sealing isn't until the 19th of Feb. I wanted to give leeway if we needed it. Turns out we did.

When we found out we couldn't finalize today we were also told we may need to come back next week. Our awesome lawyer talked to the judge who allowed us to go ahead and be sworn in, give testimony today, and sign papers today. So here's how it went down.

We made it downtown in really good time (20 minutes, which is awesome in rush hour traffic! And I didn't break a single traffic law to get us there. :D). We found the courthouse, parked, went up to the courtroom and waited outside. Dean got there shortly after we did and took us into a private room to go over the paperwork with us. We were then brought in to the courtroom to find out that the judge would be meeting with us in her chambers.

(Jacob and Emily waiting to go into the courtroom)

We got back there and found out the judge wasn't in yet. So we were taken into the jury room to have a seat until she was ready for us. It was there that we found out that we couldn't finalize today. I'll be honest, my heart dropped a little. We were then taken into the judges chambers. I don't know what I was expecting. But whatever it was, it wasn't what I found. We walked in and the room was very inviting. Sitting behind the desk was a very sweet, pretty woman in a business type outfit. I was surprised she didn't have on robes. Then I realized she wanted to put us at ease. She certainly did. There was some joking and I was pleasently surprised to find out that not only is she an adoptive mom as well, but her daughters name is Emily too. How funny! We took our seats and were sworn in. She was going to allow us to give testimony and sign the forms so we didn't have to come back. She would sign on the 3rd and file the paperwork then. So our adoption will actually be final on the 3rd, but all the paperwork is done.

Anyhow, after we were sworn in I was asked some questions. I had heard about some of the questions, so I thought I was prepared, but truth be told, I was still emotional. Questions like,

"Do you understand that by entering into this adoption today, it will be irrevocable?"

"You've have 6 months of taking care of this baby, do you feel that she is a good fit for your family?"

"Do you feel that you are able to care for this child, financially, spiritually, physically?"

"You understand that by adopting this child, that she will be as if she was your natural child, like she was born to you?"

In all, there were about 15 questions that I was asked. Then Jacob was asked a few questions. Afterwards the judge declared that once she signed the papers on the 3rd, that her findings would be that it is in the best interests of Emily to be adopted by us. That she would be legally our child, as if she was born to us. It was surreal. After the proceedings we talked a little more, she showed us pictures of her kids. We talked about how her son is into photography as well. She applauded my choice of camera. She is a Canon person as well when it comes to cameras. Then she posed for a picture with us.

(from left to right: Jacob, Me, Emily, Judge Atherton)

The judge then put her robes on and headed to the courtroom to start her regular day. Our lawyer led us downstairs the back way so that we wouldn't disrupt the court. Once we got downstairs I realized we hadn't gotten a picture of Dean. So he was kind enough to pose for a photo with a very tired Emily.

(Dean Ellis, a.k.a., the most rockin' awesomest adoption attorney around! Holding our sweet Emily.)

Emily fell asleep on the drive home so when we got home she was all smiles. Here is a picture of Emily in her oh so cute dress that Tamara picked out for the occasion. (Tamara was at school in case you were wondering.)

(Our Girl after court today January 27, 2011)

So it's not technically official, but she's ours!!! I didn't think it would matter. I mean, to us, Emily has been our daughter since day 1. But to be honest, to have it recognized legally, that she's ours. It's a really HUGE deal! Next stop, the temple! YAY!!

Waiting.......

Adoption is full of waiting. Waiting to be approved, waiting to be chosen, waiting for baby to come, waiting for placement.....

Right now, we're waiting....... Waiting for a phone call...... Emily is almost 6 months old. She will be 6 months next Wednesday, so in just over a week. In our state you can finalize your adoption after 6 months of the child being in your home. Even though our adoption is a family member adoption, we still are required to wait 6 months. Any day now we should be getting a call with our finalization date at the courts. I'm getting anxious. Trying to keep myself busy. Our cousin adopted a baby boy last year. She said to keep ourselves busy because the waiting will drive us crazy. Jacob is busy with work, school, the reserves, his church calling, our latest home improvement project. Me? I'm plenty busy. Tamara is starting driver's ed tomorrow (well, today actually since it 2a.m. on Tuesday), and she's joining the track team at her school. So I'm busy with all of that, plus Emily is growing so much. I'm busy with church callings (yes, I said callings, I have a few), making cakes and other things for various committments I have, helping to plan the adoption retreat in March, and so many other things, but yet, some how, that phone call is all I can think about.

I am in no way complaining. So many I know are still waiting for the phone call that they have been chosen. And if it weren't for Kristina, I have no doubt we would still be waiting as well. I have other friends whose babies were born after Emily, as in a month + after her. But they have their court date already. We have a fabulous lawyer, so it is in no way his fault that we don't have our date yet. The circumstances with Emily's birthfather are different, so that took some extra paperwork on our lawyers part. Who knows why we are still waiting. The scenerios are whats getting to me. Wondering if something went wrong. We are so close to Emily officially becoming ours. I didn't think it would matter to me. To me, she has always been our daughter. I thought it would just be paperwork. No big deal. The closer we get though, the more anxious I am. The more I am realizing it does matter. It matters a whole lot. It is a big deal. Like I said, to me, she has been my daughter, and I her mother. But to have the law recognize that.... It. is. a. big. deal. But, I still worry.... Until we are in court and the judge signs the papers, I think I will continue to worry. That's just who I am. And so..... we wait......

How do you explain family adoption?

If you have been a long time reader of my blog, you know that our journey to adoption started years ago. When we began our journey we in no way thought that our child's birthmom would be someone we knew, let alone were related to.

Now that she is here though, I couldn't see it being any other way. Emily will be able to grow up with me as her mom, and Jacob as her dad, and Tamara as her sister. But she will have her Kristina. I have been asked many times if we will tell Emily who her birthmom is. Of course we will. We actually already do. We tell everyone who Emily's birthmom is. It's not something we hide or ever will. When Kristina called us I asked her what she wanted Emily to call her. She said that she was fine with Emily calling me mom, and Jacob dad, because we are her parents. And that she wants Emily to call her Aunt Kristina (or Auntie Tina) and that she is ok with Emily knowing she is her birthmom. We will tell Emily that mommy's tummy was broken, and I couldn't carry anymore children, but that she was so special Heavenly Father knew she needed to come to our family, and that he chose a very special way for her to come. He chose a very special person who carried Emily in her tummy and kept her safe. Although Emily is too young to understand, in a way I think she knows how special her Tina is. I mean, look at how she looks at Kristina:

They will have a relationship like no other. And I love that. I love adoption.

It must have been so much easier.......

"It must have been so much easier for you, having Emily's birthom related to you. You knew she wouldn't change her mind so you didn't have to worry."

This is a statement we heard a lot before Emily was born, and still hear all the time. There are a few things I'd like to clear up when it comes to family member adoption.

One, adoption is never easy, whether family member adoption or not. Worth it, yes, Easy, no.

Two, we didn't know that Kristina wouldn't change her mind. The worry was still there. Adoption is a choice. Kristina had her choice with whether to place Emily for adoption or not. She had a choice on whether to place her with us or not. She, like everyone who is making an adoption plan, had the right to change her mind at any time, before and after Emily was born.

Three, just because Kristina is related to us, the wait between when we found out Kristina chose us, and the time she signed relinquishement allowing us to adopt Emily, was not, contary to popular beleif, "easier" then it would have been if Kristina was not related to us. I can't speak for others who have been through a family adoption, but for us, it was definately not easier.

Imagine if you will, waiting, hoping, praying to be chosen. Praying that someone will trust you enough to be the parents of their child. Now imagine getting "the call" saying that a birthmom has chosen you. You go through 5 months of the pregnancy, you prepare and get everything ready. Wash all the clothes, decorate the nursery, pack for the hospital, and tell everyone you know, (and even some you don't) that your baby is finally coming, through the miracle of adoption.

Now, imagine getting "the call" that the time has come. Your baby is on her way. You frantically pack the car, make all your phone calls, and drive to the hospital. You sit next to this brave young woman who is bringing new life into this world. Life that she is intrusting into your hands and heart. Finally the moment is here. You see that precious baby for the very first time. You hold her, love her, kiss her, feel her little hand wrapped around your finger, hear her cries, sooth her, you are her mother.

Now, imagine, this young woman, has made the decision to parent her child. You love her, support her, but your heart is breaking. You leave the hospital empty handed. You return home to find the nursery you were supposed to bring a baby home to, now sits empty. Every moment of every day you wonder how that sweet precious baby is doing, what she looks like now. You go to a family function and you see her. The little one who you thought would be yours. You watch her grow, you see someone else who is her mother. And you wonder, how will you ever go on, knowing that little one, was supposed to be yours. It is this scenerio that we feared, every single day for the entire duration of Kristina's pregnancy. We feared it not only then, but more so during the week Emily was in the nicu after she was born. Kristina had not yet signed her relinquishment and consent. We spent up to 18 hours a day in the nicu with Emily, yet, at any time Kristina could have made a different decision.

Please, do not think that by writting this post I am discounting what those who have gone through a failed adoption have faced and felt. I can't even begin to imagine the pain they have gone through. I have several friends who have gone through a failed adoption. I have seen their worst nightmares come true. What I am saying is, a failed adoption is something I think every hopeful couple fears. It may not be this way for everyone, but for us, it was magnified because we are related to Kristina. Because we knew, if she "changed her mind", we would either have to cut ourselves off from everyone in that part of our family, or we would have to see Emily grow up with someone else as her parents, knowing that this was the baby we had waited and hoped and prayed for all those years. And we would never be the ones she called mom and dad. We would never be the ones she came to when she scraped her knee, or when she did well in a dance recital. We would not be the ones to help her with her homework, or teach her to ride a bike.

How did we get through that fear. The answer is simple, yet it is the hardest to accept at times. Faith... We had faith, not that Emily would be ours, although we did have faith in that. But the faith that we relied on, was the faith that everything would be o.k. It would turn out according to Heavenly Father's plan.

As I sat in church today and sang the closing hymn in Sacrament, my heart was filled with gratitude for a loving Heavenly Father and for Kristina. The closing hymn was my favorite hymn. Because I Have Been Given Much. It sums up perfectly how adoption makes me feel.